Leading an Alter to Christ

Real-Life Example

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Jake, a Christian with multiple personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder) Instant Messaged Sharon, another Christian who also has multiple personalities. One of Sharon’s alters, a strong one called Rose, decided to overpower Sharon and keep her suppressed indefinitely. Unlike some of Sharon’s other alters, Rose had not yet given her life to the Lord. Another of Sharon’s alters is called Ashamed. We were unaware of her until Jake learned of her in the dialog that appears below. I’ve slightly touched up the grammar below, but changes are minimal. The text is color-coded. Blue for boys (Jake). Pink for girls (Sharon’s alters). Please see Is this for You? before proceeding with this webpage. In the course of the conversation, matters common to alters, but nevertheless disturbing, are mentioned, including cutting, physical harm, alters hurting each other, wishing they were dead etc. I have retained these references because they give hope to those facing such things. Some readers, howeve, might find it too upsetting. Jake and Sharon were members of an Internet group I had established for Christians with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Grantley Morris Sharon, is that you? No. Is that Rose? Yes. I saw you the other night in my spirit screaming. I was praying hard for you. I care about you, and what happens to you. I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time, and Sharon also. Sharon has a new alter. Her name is Ashamed. She has been beating me up. I’m sorry. Will she talk to me? I thought I told everyone I was in charge. Okay. You are; so will you let her talk to me? Is that better? I’m not in charge. She keeps beating me up. She is hurting so deeply right now and taking it out on you. I feel for her hurt, and yours also. I really don’t like for people to see me this way. That is okay. You should have seen me the other day. Or this last two years. It was bad at times. Every one inside beating every one else up. Now most of them are friends. I really want to cut Sharon right now. That only prolongs your pain and causes retaliation from the others inside also. It will make things much worse. I will stay here with you, if you want, until you are safe. If I was there I would cry with you for your pain. I wish I could take the deep pain from you, yet only Jesus can do that for you. What did Sharon do that makes you want to hurt her so much? I want to end the pain. I want to die. I would miss you, and Sharon, her other alters, and the new alter that I am eager to meet. I went to see Sharon’s therapist tonight with her husband. Her therapist kept talking like I wasn’t in the room. That must have felt like you were unimportant to them. You are important, and you have a voice and it should, and deserves to be heard. I wrote him a note and handed it to him before our session. I said: ‘Sharon is not here right now. If you squeal on me, I won’t let her come back.’ While her husband was out of the room, I looked at him and asked him why he was talking about me like I wasn’t in the room. He then spoke directly to me. I’ve never spoken to a person using Sharon’s voice before; not when they knew it was me talking. He wasn’t mean or anything, it just made me mad. Everything makes me mad right now. I am also feeling mad about everything!!!! Everything hurts so deeply. It is like no one can understand that pain. Correct? Yes. And even you wonder where it is all coming from? Who knows? Jesus knows. Today I had that happen to me. I know what you feel like, and what that kind of pain is like. Jake, I don’t love Jesus. Quite frankly, I don’t even like him. That is okay. You can tell him, he will listen. He will not hurt you. I’m holding Sharon hostage until things quit hurting. He loves you so much that when I was praying for you and did not even know about the email that was sent until a few minutes ago; he showed me to pray for you, Rose, specifically and that you were hurting and screaming in pain. This was this afternoon or this morning I do not recall the time. You are important to me. I’ve been screaming in pain all along. It has just gotten to the point that I can’t take it anymore. Locking Sharon out will only increase your pain. She can’t take this pain, though. So she is better off in my prison. Can I tell you about Seth, an alter of mine that was in horrible pain and found freedom from the pain? Go for it. Okay. I will post it here in his own words. I need a minute, okay? Please do not go away! Okay. Meanwhile, I have to have a cut. [Jake then quoted all of An Insider’s Testimony which is about one of Jake’s alters.] Alters can really feel like dying, but in truth we want to live. We want our host to live, or we would not have carried the pain. Jesus wants us to live or he would not have died and carried our pain. He loves me and his love is so gentle and tender. Why should I carry that pain when he already died for it? I like being free from pain! Father God, Come down with your healing touch and touch Rose whom you dearly love. We know you love alters and we thank you for that. You do not cast us away. May Rose know this with deep assurance. Daddy, comfort them and keep them. Make your face shine upon them. Be their true Counselor and Healer. Minister to them in ways that only you are able. Please take their fear away and let them see that your love is truly and utterly amazing. We love you, Daddy. In Jesus we come. Rose I believe that what you are feeling is fear – fear of Jesus, and fear of God that makes you afraid of rejection. He did not reject me covered in filth, and ugliness. Instead he cleaned me, and took my pain away. He touched my heart. Blew his love over the top of me. He says ‘I see you cast away in your own blood; naked, ashamed, fearful, cold and trembling. It is easier to not come in case you will again be rejected.’ Jesus says; ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love. A love that will never end; that will not seek its own but will only seek the good on the one that is loved so much that I did die for you and your pain. I will carry your pain. Yet, unlike those who want to or did try to control you, I will not. I let you make your own choice.’ Jesus says, ‘I desire to give you the best gown, and a royal crown. I will crown you even in the same righteousness that I have. Yet I cannot, nor will I ever go against your will in this. I love you too much for that.’ Jesus says, ‘Do you want me to help you, to heal the deep pain in your heart? Do you want to run free even now so that you no longer long for death as an escape? You must come to the cross where all was paid for. I paid for your freedom, yet unlike abusers I will not force it on you. My eyes weep for you! Will you let me help? Love, Jesus.’ Beautiful story. You’ll hate me. Not at all. My heart has a giant lock on it. Would you like the lock to come off so you can be free? It must be heavy, and burdensome. I can’t move anymore because of it. It crushes me. That is very tiresome. But you don’t have to carry it any more. The alter Ashamed says I do. If a best friend of yours comes, someone you love; and they had such a heavy burden they could not carry it, would you help them get rid of the heavy burden? I would try. That is what Jesus wants to help you with. Yet he not only tries, he does if you allow him to. Shame is soooo very heavy to carry. Jesus wants to give Ashamed a new name. And remove the guilt and shame feelings, and change them into beauty. I wish I had the strength and power to do so, yet I am only human and I am unable just as you are also unable to carry such a heavy load. You were meant for much greater things. To fly free. I love you guys and wish I could lift it off. I will help carry you in prayer. Jake, you’re wasting your time. Rose is not allowed to have freedom. Who stops her from having freedom? I do. Is this the one that calls herself Ashamed? She and all of Sharon should be ashamed of themselves. Would you like to tell me why? Because they are filthy rags. I will not reject you. All the dirty things they have done and have had done to them. They are black with dirt. I thought the same of me. I know. I’ve read your story. [The Christian who kept doing all he could to force God to reject him] I have done terrible things that I regret yet the feelings of shame Jesus took because he paid for them. Then those rags he took and cast into the sea, never to remember any more of them. Would you like him to take your rags and give you a clean gown that is never soiled by the stain of sin, or what others have done against you? He weeps for you, and longs to do this for you, yet he is unlike those who have harmed you, so he will never force this on you. He loves you too much to do that. My mind is playing tricks on me. How so? I see this Jesus in his white robe kneeling down next to me with his hands extended out toward me. In his hands is a pure white robe. He has a crown of thorns. On his head? Yes. This is not a trick. It is a gift that he longs to give you. This is a vision from him. It is real! I’m not supposed to have visions. I was not ‘supposed’ to, either. Yet God had different plans. He broke the box that I put him in and showed me who he truly was. I’m supposed to be filled with shame to the point that I make others feel ashamed. I am not ashamed of you, and Jesus is not ashamed of you. Whether it be false guilt or real guilt, Jesus carried that guilt on the cross. This is all confusing. I will pray for you now. I wish you wouldn’t pray. I don’t deserve this. But Jake was already sending his prayer. Jesus, I ask that you would blow all the confusion away from this dear one’s mind. I pray that whatever is hindering her, you would remove it now, so that she may be free to know your love and grace in all its fullness. In Jesus’ name, amen. You, my dear friend, are like me. How? We do not deserve it, that is true. Yet it is freely given out of love. He longs to do this for you. You must see the thorns on his head? I do. This was done for you. He paid the penalty that you and I deserved because he just wants to bring freedom, and a robe (gown) of righteousness so that you can be his daughter, and he will be your true father, friend, savior – one that will never hurt nor harm you – in purity, and truth. He wants to name you Pure. That means clean and innocent. He made you for this. He made you for honor, and dignity. Why is it that I’m believing everything you’re saying? Just say, ‘Yes, Jesus, I take the gown of righteousness and I give to you my rags. I know you died for me, and paid for my shame. I let go of the rags now. I let go of my shame that has bound me, and receive your purity that you made me for. Thank you Jesus.’ I believe all of this. Every word. Then receive the gown. Let him take the rags. Tell him so. He just did. He also removed the lock from Rose’s heart. He took the lock that was so heavy to carry? Praise Jesus! The robe just turned red. Yes. That was his blood that covers you, and cleanses you. Your sin, and shame was paid for with it. I need him to do the same thing for me that he did for you. What is that? He has done many things for me. His cleansing. Ask him to show you that you have been cleansed. Let him know that you need to see, even though you know it in your head. Let it go to your heart as his Spirit opens your eyes to this truth. I’ve never felt this way. How so? He’s holding me like a newborn. Like the most tender mother he is. I’ve never felt such tenderness. Praise you, Jesus! Praise you! Thank you! Is this for real? Very much so. I feel a tinge of excitement. I’ve never known that before. Is it like every cell of your being has been given life? It’s like I’m floating. And safe. Yes, safe. Never before have I felt that. I have never been able to cry. I am now. Yet your heart has longed for it, seemingly forever. Yes. Is this what it feels like to have a parent? Yes, a good, loving one that longs to just hold you, and care for you. Who cries for you when you hurt. Who is good to you as a parent should be. One who has never known sin. And desires your growth and believes in you. Your Papa believes in you. Nobody has ever believed in me before. I have a Papa? Yep. The best. You have now come home. He was just waiting. My Papa has arms of steel, yet to me they are tenderness. I’ve always wanted a Papa. Will you still be my friend? Oh, most definitely. You are more than that. You are my sister. I have a brother??? Me. No kidding??? No kidding!!! I’m overwhelmed. That is good I presume? Yes. You are just enjoying his presence? Yes. I’ve never known the calmness and peace. What about Rose? I was beating her up. Tell her how sorry you are. Tell her that you love her. Tell her about what Jesus did for you. Jesus is with both of us. That is amazing. I’m so glad he is with me. I’ve never had anyone with me before. And he will never leave. He promised. Did he just tell you that? He wrote it for you in the Bible. It says, ‘I will never leave you, nor forsake you.’ Sharon can help you understand that and read to you from the words that he wrote. Jake, this is Rose. Hi, Rose. Never mind. It’s okay. You have a voice and a right to speak. I will listen. You are important. How are you Rose? Is the lock off your heart also? I feel better. I’m glad! I don’t have a lock. Oh good! It is gone. I am still in charge of Sharon. Okay. Did you see Jesus also? No, where was he? He came and held Pure. Who is Pure? The one that used to call herself Ashamed. Jesus changed her name, and cleaned the shame from her. She is a sister of our alter, Eagle, who used to be called Guilt. When you read this IM over you will see what happened. I believe in you, Rose. Why? You shouldn’t believe in me. I’ve made a mess of things for Sharon. That may be true; but you have been made for great things. You just have not realized it yet. You are worth it, and of great value, and deserve dignity and honor. You were made for great things, such as life, and love. I was made to carry Sharon’s pain. Would you like to get rid of your pain? Who wouldn’t? That’s true. I know someone who wants to carry it for you. He is an alter’s alter. You have been made to carry Sharon’s pain. He comes now to carry your pain, like you did for Sharon. You enabled Sharon to live; now he wants to enable you to live in honor and dignity. He desires to honor you, and lift that heavy burden off your shoulders. Jake – look, I don’t want to be mean to you. But I’m not willing to give up control here. Sharon is lost right now. People are running all over her. That is why I am taking charge. I understand. You have much strength. And have been, and are of great value to Sharon. I admire you. Yeah, so much strength that I want to kill myself. That is because you have now come to your human limit. He wants to now give to you his strength and free you from that heavy load. You will not disappear, yet you will gain peace. I’m still not relinquishing control. He is asking permission to remove this heavy load from you. Jesus wants to take this and carry it for you. I wish I could do this for you, but like you, my strength is limited. He wants to give you his strength. Jake, my head hurts and I feel sick to my stomach. I’ll have to talk to you some other time about this. Please don’t hate me. I’m just wimped out. I’m sorry for offending everybody. You have not offended. You are loved and prayed for, as a dear sister. Okay. We will talk again when you feel better if you want to. I gotta go. I’d like that. Goodnight. Goodnight. The next day, while conversing with a woman’s alter, Rose gave her life to Jesus Christ. Rose then released Sharon, who had to read the above and speak to Rose to catch up on what had happened. Related Pages Evangelistic Stories For Children and Child Alters For much more insight and help, see: Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net © 2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net  Freely you have received, freely give. 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