| I’ve received the following heart-warming e-mail. After a name change or two to preserve anonymity, the writer is delighted to share his intriguing story with you. |
I would like to express my gratitude for what your website has done for me in the past few weeks.
My name is Peter, and I am the host of my “republic,” you might call it. I have a protector alter, Amelia. For the last four years, we have hated each other more than I ever imagined anyone being emotionally capable of.
I grew up in a household that was rather rough, and was always told that men who showed their feelings were weaklings, and that if I ever did, no one would ever want to be my friend, much less even spend time with me at all.
Growing up, I began to constantly find myself in abusive relationships because, theoretically, people that hated or used you seemed better than no one caring for your existence.
Everything began to reach its pinnacle when my fiancée left. Before leaving, she decided to leave me with all the reasons why she despised me. I couldn’t believe it. The one person I had felt it was okay to love, and trust, was completely sickened by me.
Amelia was completely exhausted by this point, and came forth with all the viciousness of a snarling pit-bull terrier; shouting my darkest thoughts as loud as she possibly could.
Finding myself lying in glass, surrounded by cabinet doors torn off the walls and broken things everywhere in the house, I was understandably scared. My head was screaming in a voice that was not my own, and I had no idea what had happened to my house.
Not knowing anything about D.I.D., I tried therapists and got every answer under the sun from “attention seeker” to “psychotic breaks”.
After weeks of desperately trying to ignore this terrifying presence in my head, I finally broke and tried to speak with my mother in privacy. All the while, Amelia was telling me how no one could ever be trusted. It was a terrible mistake. My mother immediately told my father, and they had me committed to a home.
“We can’t have you acting like this in public. Come home when you start acting like an adult.”
Amelia has never been one to waste a good opportunity, and spent the duration of our stay in the home explaining why this validated her feelings about humanity. After a week of constant drugging (I was apparently put on suicide watch) and Amelia’s bitterness and pain as my only companion, I began to believe her.
To this day, I still feel guilt about some of the things I did after being released.
I met a now very close friend of mine, Jacob, who was disturbed by my behavior and vowed to help me return to God, if I ever wished to do so. I did just about everything but spit in his face, but he continued.
Eventually the dam broke, and I ended up standing in the living room at 3 AM, crying my eyes out and confessing how disgusted I was with myself. I didn’t see how God could ever forgive me; much less care. Nevertheless, Jacob convinced me to try returning to the faith.
I tried for a month or so, always sliding back into the same terrible habits of manipulating people for my own ends. Amelia and I were still enemies, and I was convinced she was some sort of horrible demonic presence. I adamantly refused to tell Jacob about her, as it would be showing weakness and I could not bear to lose my last friend.
Things eventually reached the point of me lying in my bathtub with a pistol in my mouth, not wanting to go back to the home, and listening to Amelia’s jeering to “just hurry up and do it.” I just wanted to be free from her.
It was a very dark time.
Eventually, I had myself voluntarily admitted to a halfway house, where I met a wonderful older lady named Cathy. She had alters as well, whom she called “helpers”. I’d never met anyone before who shared my burden, and even Amelia seemed to quieten down when I spoke to Cathy.
She recommended your website as a secondary to the therapy, and the things I read changed everything I thought about Multiple Personality Disorder. All of a sudden I realized I wasn’t insane, and there were other people out there who were like me.
I will never forget the day I first tried to love my alter. I decided I would finally try to put some of your techniques into practice. So I focused on the doorway to Amelia. The moment I walked in, I could feel that suffocating bitterness twist around me like poisonous gas. Like an infected wound, Amelia had only gotten worse as she was continually abused and hated by me, the person she was created to protect.
This time, however, I spoke to her with kindness and a soft tone. I told her I was sorry and that I couldn’t even begin to fathom how much she’d done for me, and how much I loved her.
She refused to believe me at first; readying herself for another war with me. I simply walked up to her, put my arms around her and hugged her; continuing to tell her how we were going to be okay now, that I loved her and we were going to make it.
Amelia – The Black Fox, as I had taken to calling her – completely broke character and started sobbing; begging me to forgive her for all the things she had said. Since then, things have never been more different between us.
People tell me I seem so much happier and more confident. My grades are stellar, and I am now teaching a D.I.D. help class at the halfway house Cathy lives in.
Amelia is cheerful, playful and is actually the motivator for us now; encouraging me and supporting me whenever I slip. She’s always telling me about the things she sees, and this new perspective on the world seems to make everything so much brighter.
I want to thank you so much for making this website, and I pray that God bless you and keep you. I hope you continue for many happy years in leading people like me into the glorious light of heaven.
The spiritual & Practical Reasons Why One Must Love One’s Alters
I Hate My Alters
Bad, Mean, Nasty Alters
Real life exchanges between a counselor and hateful alters, demonstrating how gentle, loving exchanges transform alters:
Healing a Demon Possessed Pedophile Alter
Help for Abusive Introject Alters
Much More Help:
Christian Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder
Quick Help for Every Dissociative Identity Disorder Emergency
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