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Fast Healing of D.I.D.





































Christian Help with Multiple Personalities

We all want healing as fast as possible but, sadly, many attempts to speed healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder sabotage the entire healing process.

Counselors and others will benefit from this webpage, but the primary focus is the people my wife and I especially admire: everyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D., formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder). These are people who, simply to survive, have already overcome astounding obstacles and afflictions. They will become great achievers when they heal.

D.I.D.

Thanks for the Memories?

A woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder approached me with this prayer request:

    I want to heal without recalling all of the memories.

I understand exactly where this dear woman is coming from. Bad memories can terrify us. The problem, however, is that it is our refusal to face those memories that causes Dissociative Identity Disorder. Remaining unaware of what part of us is doing (or has done) is at the very heart of D.I.D. So her prayer request makes as much sense as praying, “Lord, I don’t ever want to be separated from my children but I want nothing more to do with them.” Some things are logical impossibilities – absurdities that not even God can do.

All guilt, fear and torment associated with memories need to end but this is not the same as losing those memories. What this woman has not yet grasped is that her continued inability to remember unpleasant events would be a tragedy, not a blessing. There are several aspects to this, so it will take a few paragraphs to explain.

To run from memories would be to cave into false feelings of shame, fear or inability to cope. It would be to languish in needless defeat. That’s not God’s plan for you. Christ took all your shame, blame and pain, bearing it all in his own naked, tortured body so that you can lift your head high. Through Christ, you are a winner; not one who runs away, but a hero clothed with divine majesty in God’s royal family.

Our walk with Christ is about love, adventure and glory. It’s not about escapism, wasting one’s life and trashing opportunities for greatness. It has no partnership with cowardice and the eternal regret it brings. We might think of ourselves as born failures but through Christ we are transformed; born anew for achievement, heroism and honor. The Almighty has astounding faith in what you can do empowered by him. You are called to jettison shame, defeatism and self-indulgence to enter into holy union with the all-powerful Conqueror and, thus endowed, to reign with him in regal splendor:

    2 Timothy 2:12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him . . . (KJV).

    Romans 8:17  . . . we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

    Revelation 3:2 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.

Don’t dare dishonor the Lord of glory by thinking this is beyond you. For Christ, who has invested the last drop of his blood into ensuring your success, impossibilities are playthings. You are one with the Almighty Lord. You are in him and he is in you; melded together in the most thrilling of unions.

Furthermore, even if full healing without recovery of memories were neither irrational, nor a needless defeat, it would render much of your past agony a useless waste. You are passionately loved of God; the darling of his heart. He is far too devoted to you to want you to undergo such a tragic loss. Instead, his plan is to transform your past suffering into something that exalts you to eternal heights of glory like nothing else could ever achieve. His goal is not to destroy your memories but to heal your memories so that they no longer distress you and so that your past suffering becomes something uniquely valuable. Remembering your past will not only enable you to better comprehend the love of God but will equip you with the ability to minister with unique experience and conviction to other hurting people. This is the path to eternal glory.

Astoundingly, not even the Eternal Son of God, the Infinite Lord of Glory, could be granted the authority to fulfill the exalted role of Ultimate High Priest without his familiarity with, and memory of, his own suffering (for a short explanation, see The Unexpected Value of Bad Memories).

Someone who finds study highly taxing devotes year after arduous year to medical studies. Finally he qualifies as a doctor. Now all the hard work is behind him and at last he can truly help people, save lives and reap all the benefits of his study. Can you imagine him rendering all his efforts a useless waste by praying to forget everything he has learnt?

We don’t need more self-proclaimed experts who trample on other people’s feelings; arrogant theorizers exposing themselves to the wrath of God by ignorantly thinking they are helping when they are devastating people who are already writhing in inner agony. The world is filled with – in fact has had its fill of – such people. What are as rare as diamonds, however, are people who truly understand; people whose advice does not come from a book or vain imagination but from genuine experience; leaders who, like Jesus, can say, “I’ve been there – follow me.” You’ve endured what it takes to qualify as one of those rare and valued people who truly know. Now, with almost all the sweat and tears behind you, will you throw it all away by praying to forget it all?

The great apostle Paul seems to have suffered no loss of memory when reeling off the precise number and ways in which he was tortured:

    2 Corinthians 11:24-25 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea . . .

In fact, he seems to have seen his suffering as something to boast about:

    2 Corinthians 11:23, 12:1 Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. . . . I must go on boasting. . . .

You might long to keep suppressed from your consciousness horrific memories and/or awareness of your current emotional reaction (such as fear, pain or shame) associated with those memories. Disturbingly, however, for as long as a part of you has memories and/or emotional reactions that you have no access to, you are unable to access that part of your brain in which those memories and emotions are stored. Of particular concern is that for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder, alters (sometimes called personalities or insiders) have not just memories and emotions but other intellectual abilities. So if you have an alter you have little interaction with, those parts of your brain that you have lost access to almost certainly hold not only memories and emotions but valuable skills and intellectual abilities. I have already detailed this in another webpage so you can skip this if you wish but it is worth repeating here, just in case you missed that page.

Of course, not everyone has every ability, but people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are likely to feel certain they do not have certain abilities and yet have those very abilities locked away in a part of the brain they are currently too scared to access. These abilities could already be in a quite developed form or able to be developed far quicker than most people are capable of. The possibilities are almost limitless and will vary from person to person but in a previous webpage I provided a few examples of improved abilities that people who, in an attempt to protect themselves from unwanted memories or feelings, could be cutting themselves off from. In case you missed that list, I will repeat it here. By connecting with his or her alters, a person might end up with remarkably improved:

    * Eyesight (Example)

    * Manual dexterity

    * Ability to use the non-dominant hand

    * Surefootedness, such as ability to climb rugged terrain

    * Athletic ability

    * Short-term or long-term memory

    * Musical ability

    * Speed reading skills

    * Creative cooking

    * Mathematical ability

    * Direction finding and navigational skills

    * Ability to thoroughly enjoy marital relations

    * Grammar and spelling

    * Creative writing

    * A flair for public speaking

    * Sense of humor

    * Linguistic ability

    * Artistic ability

    * Dress sense

    * Parenting skills

    * Ability to handle stress

    * People skills

    * Freedom from certain phobias

    * Spiritual abilities such as spiritual warfare

    * Intimate experiences with God

The above tiny overview should suffice to give a little insight into the tragic implications of an intellectual loss. So let’s move on and gain a little insight into the seriousness of an emotional loss. We will start with an analogy: if you were desperate enough to avoid seeing anything evil, you could blind yourself. The problem, of course, is that no matter how much this way of rendering yourself unable to see evil things might feel like protecting yourself, it would mean that you could never see beauty and things you desperately need to see. You would be severely handicapped, thus reducing the amount of good you could achieve. Likewise, totally cutting yourself off from unpleasant feelings cannot be done without cutting yourself off from certain good feelings. You would lose your zest for life and various enjoyments that God longs to bless you with. Moreover, it would emotionally handicap you, thus lowering the amount of good you could do.

To suppress an alter will do more than diminish your intellectual and emotional capacity, however. It will directly diminish you spiritually. Christians sometimes talk of head knowledge versus heart knowledge. Head knowledge lets you know a spiritual truth intellectually but it does little or nothing for you. This is because, even though you might be unconscious of what is happening within you, the life-changing power of that truth is being sabotaged by inner doubts or fears or lack of conviction or tightly held presumptions that are contrary to that spiritual truth. If you remain cut off from awareness of what is going on within you, or have little or no interaction with an alter, that part of you is cut off from your spiritual experience and insight, thus condemning yourself to having a part of you that will continually undermine the strength of your spiritual convictions and relationship with God.

There are also moral implications. You might, for example, be desperate to break a sinful habit but a part of you has no idea that the habit should be broken and/or that part has no conception of how to draw upon the power of Christ to exercise self-control. So, unknown to you, part of you could be sabotaging your good intentions, not because any part is incurably evil – with God nothing is incurable – but simply because you have not sufficiently interacted with a part of you for that part to know and benefit from your understanding of Christ.

So to suppress an alter, or to avoid befriending that part of you, is to diminish your intellectual, emotional and spiritual capacity. The only way to honor the God who gave you all this amazing potential is to get to know that alter, courageously embrace the unpleasant memories and feelings the alter has, and to increase your abilities by allowing the alter to develop spiritually, intellectually and emotionally.

Ironically, facilitating this can only occur by empowering that alter, even if that alter is currently anti-God. This can seem a terrifying thing to do. It might seem that the alter is evil, and you could wrongly imagine that to empower him or her is to increase evil in your life. The reality, however, is that if you have found Christ and been empowered by the good Lord, then so can this part of you. And the only way this alter can be transformed into someone kind, loving, gentle and devoted to God is to be allowed to surface and to interact with you, or with others, who can help that part discover that Jesus is safe, kind, gentle, patient, wise and the best friend that anyone could ever have.

No matter how strange they might initially seem, no alter is a non-human invader; a demon squatting in your brain to be fought, rebuked or resisted. On the contrary, even the most obnoxious alter is a long-lost but indispensable part of a person for whom Jesus gave his life to redeem. Each alter is a lost sheep that the Good Shepherd never forgets or neglects. Rather, our Lord focuses all his attention on it. He cares so deeply that he lovingly leaves the ninety-nine to devote all his effort to search for the lost one so that he can rejoice over lovingly restoring it to the fold.

We are called to be like Jesus, the Good Shepherd, who lays down his life for the lost. Even if you mistakenly see an alter as an enemy, remember that the One you are called to emulate loves his enemies more than his own life and is continually working on wooing them so that they will eventually discover that he is their best friend. We are called to turn the other cheek, rejoice when we are persecuted and win to Christ those who do not know him. Learning to do this begins with doing it with one’s alters.

Each of your alters is a vital, irreplaceable part of you. So for any alter to develop in any way means that you are developing. Empowering your alters to develop transforms you into the faithful servant in Jesus’ parable, rather than the one who buried his talent. Loving your alters and giving them the freedom to develop is Christlike behavior that glorifies God.

D.I.D.

The Story So Far & Beyond

Anyone not totally healed from D.I.D. is in the exciting position of being blessed with abilities that have yet to be fully discovered. If you have D.I.D, then both intellectually and in terms of spiritual development, emotional wholeness and fulfillment, alters are your most valuable asset. Wanting brain damage would make as much sense as wanting to be rid of your alters. Yes, without your alters you might temporarily be rid of some inner pain, conflict, sabotaging of your good intentions and shaming yourself but the way to permanently be rid of this is not through suppressing or oppressing your alters but by giving them every opportunity to heal and develop so that they can do you immense and continual good.

Like a potentially good marriage ending in separation because of what would have proved a relatively brief rough patch, an alter going into hiding is a defeat, even if it might seem more peaceful than the alter regularly interacting with you. For as long as the alter is in hiding, that alter’s unique help, insights, abilities and emotional support is lost, as is the opportunity for that alter to heal and for the alter’s abilities to continue to develop. The result might in the short term seem deceptively easier but it intellectually cripples and emotionally handicaps the person and it chokes healing, even though the person is typically unaware of the extent of the tragedy.

It is like a child imagining it would be a gain if a baby brother died. Yes, both rivalry and the baby’s annoying crying would cease. The older child, however, has little conception of how the baby would have changed if allowed to grow and how he would have become a much-needed companion, playmate and support.

It often turns out that the alter who seems the most annoying and useless ends up developing into one of the most needed, in regard to the invaluable abilities and the emotional support and the deepening of your relationship with God that the alter ends up providing.

Contrary to what might seem intuitively right, your spiritual, intellectual and emotional development hinges on you continually empowering your alters. Both you and they should see integration as merely a further step in this long process. Integration is not getting rid of alters; it is joining forces with them. And the more alters that a particular alter merges with, the more empowered this alter will be. Any merging, however, is usually a long way down the healing/empowering process and any attempt to force the pace is likely to prove counterproductive.

It is tempting to romanticize the strategies the minds of highly distraught children develop just to survive. In order to increase motivation to heal, however, let us be brutally honest.

Sometimes called Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.), Dissociative Identity Disorder occurs when a person’s mind, instead of remaining one harmonious whole, gets broken up into fragments. In this reaction to emotional trauma, a part of the person’s awareness is cut off from other parts of the person. The result is like a committee in which no one knows what anyone else is planning. The attractive side to this chaos is that it allows a form of escapism, giving part of the person a vacation from dealing with consequences of the trauma. Like cutting off a limb to temporarily reduce pain, however, the cost of this escapism is enormous. It both significantly reduces mental function and prevents the person from healing from the devastating effects of past hurts.

For as long as there is inadequate communication between parts of a person’s mind, the person will not only fail to reach his or her full intellectual potential but will remain in emotional torment. This has spiritual and relationship ramifications and keeps its victims far from peace, happiness and fulfillment that would otherwise be theirs. If someone in this situation never makes sufficient effort to understand and cooperate closely with other parts of his or her mind, this needless tragedy will grind on for an entire lifetime. Such people will have an awareness of how hard their life is but will have little comprehension of how wonderful their life would have been if only they had courageously persisted in reconnecting with their other parts. On the other hand, those who persist on the healing journey are repeatedly amazed to discover talents and abilities they never knew they had and keep finding deeper peace, fulfillment and achievement.

What makes reconnecting so complex is that it is not reassembling a machine, but reconnecting parts of the human mind, each of which has gained full and independent access to human intelligence, emotions, will, memories, and so on. Each part has become so adept at functioning individually that each has become like an individual with distinct desires, agenda, and all the complexities of a full human being.

D.I.D.

The Seldom-Understood Goal of Healing

Sometimes a host (the alter who is most often in control) sees it as a failure to let other alters ever take control and interact with the real world. For a host to retreat from the real world out of fear and leave other alters floundering might indeed be a failure on the host’s part but it is entirely different to let other alters take over for a little while in a safe environment so that they can break their mentally crippling isolation by expressing themselves and learn about the real world. If it can be achieved, the ideal safe environment is where a more experienced alter remains aware of what is happening and is able to guide the alter should the need arise and even, in an emergency, regain control. If this skill has not yet been learnt, however, letting the alter take over is still safe and desirable if a trustworthy counselor or friend who understands D.I.D. is present.

Some hosts (or even counselors) might mistakenly regard it as dissociation to let other alters come out and relate to the real world, but it is actually the opposite. Whereas to dissociate is to be in denial of an aspect of reality, freeing one’s alters to relate to the real world is both acknowledging the reality of having alters and is helping alters discover current reality.

If for years you kept a baby locked in a room 24/7 with nothing but four walls to see, no one to communicate with and nothing such a book or television to learn from, the baby might grow physically but mentally he would never grow. Likewise, not letting alters interact with the real world is an act of cruelty that stops little alters from ever growing up and prevents older alters from learning new things and seeing through the lies that have kept them reeling in the inner pain of fear or guilt or with shattered self-esteem or unaware of God’s eagerness to befriend and help them.

The goal of healing is not to gain control of your alters nor to end switching from alter to alter. Rather, the goal is to gain control of your full intellectual, emotional and spiritual capacity, and switching is a vital stage in achieving that goal. Not every counselor realizes this. Some mistakenly presume that if switching has ended, the person has become “normal” and so must be “healed.” In reality, however, if parts of the person are still suppressed, that person is functioning far below his or her full capacity.

If all alters are sufficiently allowed access to the real world they will each gradually mature and grow more and more alike, thus making switching increasingly less dramatic for the person and less detectable by other people. Eventually, the alters will become so alike that they will see no point in remaining separated from each other and they will gradually merge until there is no switching, simply because they are all empowered and truly one. To stop switching while there are still separate alters, however, would be to short-circuit the entire process and prevent healing.

Alters who have been kept in isolation might initially be so angry about what they have suffered or have had no opportunity to mature or know so little about the adult world that they temporarily embarrass the host. Anyone who understands D.I.D., however, regards this as perfectly normal and knows that it is only temporary while the alter is at last being given the opportunity to normalize.

The brutal truth is that if you have alters who are just in the early stages of healing, you might find some of them not just an embarrassment but a huge source of emotional pain and confusion. They might even try to kill you – in which case you have an urgent need to win them over; turning them into friends who trust you. Nevertheless, as you continue your healing journey you will discover that not only are alters not your enemies, they are, next to God himself, your greatest asset. It is smarter to hack off your arm and leg than to keep your alters suppressed or deny them the sometimes inconvenient and embarrassing things they need. To disregard them is to perpetuate your inner pain and the fragmenting of your intellect and keep you from the heights of fulfillment and achievement that you would otherwise reach.

For Christians, the real goal of healing is not the ending of discomfort, but every part of you falling so in love with Christ as to eagerly yield to him, thus empowering you not only to reach your full intellectual, emotional, social and vocational potential, but your full spiritual potential; maximizing your ability to know and glorify the God whose love and devotion to you defies comprehension. That alone is the path to true fulfillment, and achievement that will last for all eternity.

D.I.D.

The Challenge

Anyone who forces his/her will on someone or puts someone down, silences him/her, suppresses him/her or despises the weak and the hurting, is an abuser. To be like Christ is to have a heart that continually seeks to encourage, uplift, buildup, liberate and empower people. It is to love the unlovely, to do good to those who are nasty. Who have you made your hero, the one you model your life on? Christ or an abuser? Who are you currently most like? What does the way your treat those closest to you – who share your body – tell you?

If at present you act more like an abuser to certain parts of you that Christ loves more than his own life and let himself be tortured to death to redeem, you can end your shame. You can look to Christ and let him transform you into someone who loves as he does.

A common but serious mistake is for people with D.I.D. to make decisions against their alter’s will. Whether this happens simply because they are unaware of their alter’s wishes or because they assume they know better than their alters, the results can be equally damaging.

There are three reasons why disregarding an alter’s wishes can stop healing.

    1. It is a law of nature that anything that grows must go through stages that cannot be skipped and there is a point beyond which these stages cannot be sped up. Alters must be allowed to develop at their own pace.

    2. Forcing change upon alters triggers panic that paralyses them, preventing further growth.

    3. Disregarding the wishes of one’s alters breaks down trust and cooperation with one’s alters, thus perpetuating fragmentation.

As already touched on, two other essentials for ending fragmentation and becoming whole are the courage to let oneself remember and the courage to let oneself feel.

Healing from trauma and reconnecting with alters requires more love and wisdom and trust between alters than humans are likely to ever muster. With such vast reserves of love, wisdom and trust required, anyone would be a fool to rob himself or herself of full healing by remaining distant from the only Source of infinite love and wisdom and from the only Person who is fully trustworthy – God himself.

Now let’s move beyond this overview to the nitty gritty.

D.I.D.

Why Forcing Change Upon an Alter Makes Things Worse For Yourself

God has worked into the very fabric of creation this law of nature:

    Mark 4:26-28  . . . This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain – first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head

This applies to almost every living thing. If, for example, you want an acorn to grow into a mighty oak that everyone admires, you have no option but to let it slowly progress through every stage from tender shoot to spindly sapling, all the way through to full maturity. Refuse to let it go through the sapling stage and you will never get the oak you long for. Refuse to treat a shoot with greater tenderness than you would a tree and you will never get a tree. In the same way, if you want a little alter to grow up, you must let the alter go through childish stages. Should you not let an alter have its fill of childish things, that part of you will remain emotionally trapped as a stunted, hurting alter and, without you realizing it, this will in turn stunt your own intellect and your emotional maturity. Moreover, no matter how much you pretend it is not happening, the alter’s unhealed inner agony will flood over to you.

So if you feel embarrassed about little alters, let that embarrassment drive you to facilitate their growth by meeting their current needs for childish things. Only when those needs are fully met are they able to grow up and leave childish things behind.


To understand why forcing your will upon alters or making decisions without their consent can stop healing, we need to remember that alters were formed by trauma they had no control over. When new decisions are made without consulting one’s alters, it triggers panic by reminding them of the most horrific time in their existence – a time that corresponded with them having no control over what happened to them.

What complicates things still further is that panic freezes one’s mental processes. So even if the initial panic is an over-reaction, it hinders sane evaluation of the implications of the new event. In order to think clearly, the panic needs to subside. So alters need time to ponder the implications of a change, not so much because they need an unusually long time to think but because they need long enough to calm down in order to think clearly.


To disregard an alter’s needs and fears is to act like an abuser. This will almost certainly throw them into panic and perhaps even trigger flashbacks and other horrific reactions. How could this not destroy trust between the alter and the part of the person that acted like an abuser by disregarding the alter’s need? And how could fragmentation – and all its associated ills – end, without all the fragmented parts of a person trusting each other so much that they work together as one harmonious whole? So trust is critical.

Multiple Personality Disorder

The Surprising Importance of “Childish” Things

One of the most common causes of lost trust between parts of a person revolves around failing to understand the importance of “childish” things in the healing of an alter. Let’s start with what for brevity we will call dolls, but they could be stuffed toys or figurines or other objects, such as a favorite blanket or article of clothing. It can just as easily apply to pets but since most adults can better understand an attachment to pets, they usually cause less bewilderment and embarrassment to adults.

Safety is of paramount importance to anyone who feels seriously threatened, and most alters were not only once in grave danger but until they are healed they are petrified of a return to that danger. So if they find anything – no matter how pathetic – that helps them feel a little more secure, it will assume enormous importance to them, even though certain other alters (especially older ones) might not understand this.

Many alters are terrified that anyone else might end up judging them or turning on them, but they know a doll will not. This is why for many young alters, a doll could be the only thing in the universe that helps them feel safe.

Furthermore, trapped within alters can be such horrifically intense and painful feelings that it is not unusual for them to worry that their feelings could kill them or drive them insane or make them dangerously ill. They are petrified about getting in touch with their feelings or expressing them and yet those feelings are so horrendous that they scream for attention.

Whether it be through hugs or actually talking to the doll, a doll can be the one thing that they feel able to bond with, and express their feelings to, thus making their almost unbearable life a little more tolerable. With nothing else able to fill this desperately needed role, a strong dependence upon the doll is inevitable.

More than some concession to childishness, our experience with alters has convinced us that dolls are a therapeutic tool. Moreover, we are convinced that using them has divine approval. At the end of this page is a link describing how an alter received a doll in a manner that was so obviously of God that we are left certain that God considers the use of dolls important.

Dolls can be so important, and yet adults can be so embarrassed about allowing their alters to benefit from them that if you require further persuading to let your young alters have the dolls they need, besides the above-mentioned link we have prepared additional information, including scientific evidence. See More About Dolls.

D.I.D.

Way Beyond Dolls

We have devoted so many words to dolls solely because they are one example of a vast range of possible things that alters might crave that anyone with little understanding of alters could be tempted to dismiss as stupid or trivial. If you disregard anything that an alter indicates as being important to him/her, you could end up making the serious mistake of denying them what they – and hence you – need to heal.

Other than God himself, the greatest expert in knowing what a specific alter needs in order to heal is that very alter. Like all people, alters are individuals. They have unique past experiences that create unique needs. To highlight how critical it is to listen to each alter and not presume we know best, we will now seem to undo all our previous arguments about the benefits of dolls by stating that for a particular alter, a doll might not have the positive effect it has for other alters, and could actually hinder growth. If you would like to know what sort of experiences could cause an alter to react so differently to dolls, see Alters Differ.

So our point is not that you should always give young alters dolls but that you should always take very seriously whatever they indicate is important to them, no matter how much it clashes with your own priorities and presumptions.

If you have alters, there are many things critical to their emotional well-being that you are likely to find even more bizarre than needing a doll. Here’s one example: even something as seemingly insignificant as washing an old sweater can traumatize an alter. As was the case with dolls, we’ll give a brief explanation to help you understand the reason for it, but nothing an alter says should need to make sense to you before you take it seriously. If an alter tells you it is important to him/her, that should suffice. If it isn’t sinful or harmful you should very strongly consider doing whatever the alter wants.

That washing an old sweater could be upsetting will seem bizarre until you consider that quite average young children can become deeply attached to, for example, a blanket (fans of the Peanut’s cartoon strip will recall Linus’s “security blanket”). Moreover, some women can feel ugly and hence insecure about wearing almost everything except for one piece of clothing that they feel covers them better, or fits better. Furthermore, an alter could in the past have had a bad experience akin to having a sweater washed, such as something treasured being destroyed by washing. This does not mean you could never wash the article but that you need to proceed slowly and cautiously, patiently explaining and carefully listening to the alter’s concerns until all concerns are allayed.

Alters need age-appropriate means of comfort and to deny themselves that comfort is a double-whammy. Not only does denial mean they are missing out on comfort that – since they are deeply hurting – they desperately need, but to deny them is to act like an abuser and so trigger fears and painful memories associated with past abusive disregard for their needs. It could also drive them to try to seek destructive forms of “comfort,” such as self-harm or over-eating or chemical highs.

For alters formed as babies, age-appropriate means of comfort could include such things as lullabies, pacifiers or drinking formula milk from a bottle. Again, it is not for you to decide what they need. Your role is to get to know them and give them whatever they indicate they want. The only usual exceptions should be if what they request would expose yourself and the alter to ridicule, or is unhealthy:

    * physically – such as candy if you are diabetic

    * psychologically – such as illicit drugs or porn

    * spiritually – such as occult practices or hurting people.

If there are serious obstacles to granting your alters what they want, lovingly explain the reasons and seek to find acceptable alternatives. Strive diligently to find workarounds, such as buying candy suitable for diabetics, finding times and places where it would not result in ridicule, reading them uplifting stories instead of porn, getting pocket dolls so you can take them with you inconspicuously, and so on.

For babies not yet potty trained, diapers can be comforting, rather than exposing them to the possibility of soiling clothes or bed. Moreover, you may find diapers necessary when baby alters make their presence felt. Yes, by suppressing baby alters you might reduce, or perhaps even eliminate, the need for diapers but suppressed alters never heal.

D.I.D.

Building Trust

Since D.I.D. handicaps people by fragmenting intellectual abilities, healing involves reconnecting all the fragments (alters). Put another way: in order to regain full mental capacity, alters must cooperate; working together as a team. Such teamwork (and associated healing) is impossible without all of a person’s alters valuing and trusting each other. Since disregarding an alter’s feelings and wishes undermines any such trust, it sabotages teamwork, bringing healing screeching to a halt.

Simple things can help build the trust that is so critical to healing. For example, tell an alter worried about the washing of a sweater, “How about we consider washing it in two days’ time, so you have time to think about it.” Then, when the time arrives, ask if it is okay to proceed. When the clean sweater is returned, the alter can see that you kept your word and trust begins to grow.

It is frightfully easy to dismiss alters as embarrassing nuisances and treat them as rivals or even enemies when they are actually your greatest assets. And rather than want to hurt or embarrass you, they crave your love and approval. They respond powerfully to praise and compliments. Unconditional love will win their desire to please you, whereas criticism, disapproval, rejection or punishment will have the opposite effect.

Until they heal, alters are in inner agony and, despite one’s best intentions, people who are hurting are very vulnerable to further hurt. As Grantley wrote in a webpage about how to comfort people who are:

    If you were treating the open wounds of accident victims you would realize that the most gentle, well-meaning touch could send patients reeling. You would not be offended if someone you were seeking to help lashed out in pain with almost involuntary action. You would half expect it. But imagine the confusion if the wounds were invisible and the person looked uninjured. Consider the further complication if in that person’s experience everyone who had tried to help (and how does he know you will be any different?) had in their ignorance done little but inflict pain.

    That’s the norm for someone who is hurting inside.

    Emotionally wounded people cannot help but be highly sensitive. Words hit them like whips. It is vital that they be treated verbally with the careful tenderness you would use if you were dressing gaping physical wounds. Once we understand the seriousness of emotional wounds, it’s surprisingly easy to employ the Christlike graces of turning the other cheek and using the soft answer that turns away wrath. When we realize an outburst is just the pain talking, we no longer take it to heart. Only a fool takes personally the actions of someone drunk with pain.

It could be helpful to preface one’s remarks to a sensitive alter with, “I approve of you. I believe in you and think the world of you. So nothing I say should ever be interpreted as a put down or rejection.” Such wording helps keep alters from jumping to wrong conclusions, and frees them up to understand what you are really saying.

Simple things like tucking young alters into bed at night, reading them age-appropriate books that they like, giving them special time to be alone with their toys, putting their favorite sweater under the pillow, or letting them hold it while they sleep, can go a long way to provide the security from which healing flows. Another important thing is to defend your alters if they are ever threatened or criticized. If they publicly say or write something you approve, try to publicly honor their statement. If they receive criticism, be diplomatic but stand by your alters. Never betray their trust by revealing their secrets – or even their existence – until they are ready to do this themselves.

Be aware that alters might overhear you at a time when you have assumed they have not tuned in to what is occurring.

Next to encouraging each alter to interact with God, these things are powerful in bringing healing.

A friend of mine with Dissociative Identity Disorder went to considerable effort to obtain a bracelet displaying the words Stronger Together. Those two words form a truth that should be impressed upon the heart of everyone wanting to heal.

If you have alters, they have a deep need to be heard and you have a deep need to listen to them. Until they start communicating, alters have been kept in psychologically crippling solitary confinement, and you have been kept cut off from a significant part of your mental capacity, your emotions and your memories.

In addition to merely being heard, alters need to be believed. Most likely, they suffered horrifically and no one believed it. You need to begin to undo the damage by believing them. They could well have been formed precisely to “protect” you from the truth because at the time you were not psychologically strong enough to take it, but this situation must end. You must muster the courage to face the truth so that you can regain your full mind, and if what they reveal seems unbelievable it could well be because you are still preferring to live in denial; preferring perhaps to believe the lie that your abuser really was the respectable person he or she pretended to be.

Nevertheless, just as sincere children can sometimes get things mixed up, so can little alters. For example, we know a dear alter who was sexually abused in a carnival “haunted house.” She was too young to understand that the “haunted house” was make-believe. The fear was real, however, and so was the abuse. Additionally, any alter who is trying to piece together just fragments of surfaced memories could make a sincere mistake. For example, we know someone who mistakenly concluded that it must have been her father who abused her because she could not recall her father allowing her to go anywhere without his supervision and because she could only remember the face of only one of what seemed to be two abusers. After prayer her memory became clearer and it turned out that what had seemed like a second abuser was an image that had somehow formed in her mind representing the abuser’s demon.

D.I.D.

The Courage to Let Oneself Remember

It is impossible to have a mind that is whole if part of you knows things of extreme significance that another part of you knows nothing about. It is impossible to heal from all the damaging effects of a fractured mind without having the courage to remember. Whatever happened in your past, it happened when you were younger and so had less mental and spiritual maturity/resources than you currently have plus the situation has most likely changed such that your tormentor now has less power over you.

When they are kept in the dark, things seem scarier than when brought into the light. Likewise the truth ends up being much easier to cope with than the unknown. It is far easier on yourself to face things and get them resolved than be haunted by fears of the unknown for the rest of your life.

Encourage your alters to share their secrets with you. It will relieve them of isolation and horrific burdens that they have far less resources than you have to cope with. For example, they are probably riddled with guilt over something they will never know was not their fault unless they open up to you so that you can give them the benefit of your adult understanding.

If you are tempted to keep yourself ignorant (with all the intellectual handicaps and emotional agony that entails) because you worry there might possibly be some skeleton in your past that you could not forgive yourself for doing; your fears are groundless. Once the full, liberating truth of the Gospel is understood – and tragically vast numbers of Christians do not understand it – you can live peaceably with yourself no matter what atrocious sins filled your past.

The Bible strips away all human pride by revealing that the wages of sin – just one “little” sin – is death. You cannot get deader than dead. Since everyone has sinned, no one can be more lost or more depraved than anyone else. Just as an athlete and an invalid are equally unable to reach the moon by jumping, so the most saintly person on this planet and the most sadistic serial killer and rapist are equally unable to reach God’s minimum standards. Outside of Christ, the most “godly” person on this planet is just as much a moral failure and has just as much reason for abject shame as the most obviously wicked person. Each need Christ equally and if either of them can find cleansing and forgiveness and total acceptance in God, the other can receive it just as easily and as fully.

No matter what your past, you can be cleansed and granted virgin-innocence and honored by all of heaven for your crystal purity.

The same applies if you worry that a loved one might have committed some grievous offense.

D.I.D.

The Courage to Let Oneself Feel

To be mentally whole while cutting oneself off from feelings is just as impossible as it is to be mentally whole and cut oneself off from memories.

Healing requires you to get in touch with all your feelings. This seems scary at first because of the strong, unpleasant feelings buried within, but by connecting with those feelings they are able to be released so that they no longer haunt you, and then you are free to connect with wonderful feelings and come fully alive.

D.I.D.

Play

It is highly beneficial for alters to regularly play games with each other and have fun together. It is not only enjoyable, it builds trust and teamwork. And it not only promotes healing, it helps them develop valuable skills. What alters enjoy doing together will differ from person to person. It might be reading or telling stories, or working on an art project or playing computer games or dancing or chasing each other. The possibilities are almost endless, but you will discover which activities appeal most to you and your alters.

D.I.D.

The Most Effective Way to Heal Fast

All alters desperately need Jesus. They are usually tormented by guilt and shame and feel so worthless that it is not uncommon for some to even be convinced that they are evil. Jesus’ whole reason for coming to earth was to resolve these stupendous needs in a way far beyond what anyone in the universe – and most certainly more than any counselor – could ever achieve. He, alone, as the utterly Innocent One took upon himself all our guilt; suffering our full punishment and then cleansing us utterly and granting us his moral perfection, purity, goodness and exalted status with God, the Holy Judge of heaven and earth. Obviously these truths should be explained more simply and in more detail, but it is imperative that alters be made aware of them.

Alters also usually need someone to mother and father them, but because they are now in an adult body this is rarely possible, nor is it usually safe to seek it from anyone other than Jesus for this role as it could expose both alter and host to ridicule or abuse, or to devastation if the mother/father figure needed to leave at some later stage. Only Jesus is utterly safe in giving hugs, tucking alters into bed and so on, and fully understands the best way to help at every stage of healing, and offers the total security of never getting sick or burnt out, changing, moving away, or dying. And no one understands any of us like Jesus does, nor has his wisdom. Moreover, Jesus fervently loves alters with total selflessness without any sexual overtones and longs to comfort and heal them.

There is a critical blockage to receiving Jesus’ help, however. Because Jesus is not an abuser, he will not force himself upon alters, no matter how much he yearns to help and knows they need him. A further hindrance is that alters often have such distorted ideas about Jesus (confusing him with abusers, for example, or believing lies people have said about him) that they can be terrified of him.

So the greatest of all things that anyone can do for alters is to reassure them of how gentle, kind, caring, patient, understanding and comforting Jesus is and how much he wants to take their pain upon himself – bearing their guilt, fear and inner pain as the alter’s Alter – and be their devoted friend and have lots of safe fun with them. (Yes, because play is important to every young alter he longs to play with them in a way that builds them up intellectually and in self-esteem and shows them great respect.)

Encourage alters to dialog with Jesus. Assure them that he will respect whatever boundaries they put up and that he will wait for as long as it takes for them to be sure that they are safe with him. Jesus is the perfect counselor and the ultimate healer. Once they commence talking with Jesus, the door to wondrous things has opened.

D.I.D.

Bringing New Alters Up to Speed

I vividly recall what a hard, exhausting slog it was to assist the first few alters of Christine’s alters who revealed themselves. She was the first person I had ever helped with Dissociative Identity Disorder. We would have felt particularly daunted had we known back then that we would end up discovering over sixty parts – and some people have very many hundreds of parts.

Thankfully, the process gradually got easier and faster as we found out what to tell each part whenever we first discovered one we had never met before.

The following is a detailed suggested outline of what to tell your parts as soon as you can after first meeting each one. I encourage you to always use this outline so as not to miss critical points. Nevertheless, you will need to tailor it to your situation and to the specific alter you are talking with, such as simplifying the language if the alter is young. It is particularly important to introduce the following information at whatever pace this part of you is able to go. With some alters, you are likely to be able to say very little at first and will instead need to spend much time winning their confidence and proving by your actions that you truly understand and care for them. For an explanation as to why alters can fear or despise you and how to overcome these serious obstacles to healing, see How to Find Every Alter & Get Each Alter to Talk.

Especially when parts have not been around for years, they often find almost any information overwhelming because what you share is likely to clash alarmingly with their expectations. They might suddenly retreat into hiding after you say a few words. That’s fine. They are just taking needed time-out to think through the new information and come to terms with it. When they are ready, they will pop out again and then, after gently reassuring and comforting them, they can be told a little more until they again feel the need for a break. They will recover from the initial shock and adjust (often in a matter of just a few days) and get stronger and stronger.

Obviously, any of your parts who are capable of reading could read the following without your help. If possible, however, it is highly preferable for you to go through it with each part, sensitively expanding on anything you think would be helpful, responding to any questions, and modifying anything, as you see fit.

A significant advantage of your contribution is that it will immediately help the part feel less alone and more a valued member of a close-knit group of friends that truly care about each other, help each other and are working towards a common goal.

The following is what a part who fully understands D.I.D. might tell a part who has been kept out of the loop for a long while and so knows very little. Text in square brackets like [this] are notes to the more experienced alter.

Why We Need Each Other

Hi, my name is [the alter who understands D.I.D. inserts his/her name]. You are important to me and if you let me, I would love to be your friend. I have information that can help you and you have knowledge and abilities that can help me, too.

If you know me and I didn’t treat you right, I am deeply sorry and I long to make it up to you. I should have listened to you and supported you. I never understood how important you are and how much respect and kindness you deserve. How can I put things right? How can I be the friend to you that you deserve?

I would like to explain what I have discovered about who you and I are and why you are so important. Through no fault of our own we suffered awful experiences. As a result, we found ourselves faced with this daunting challenge: how can anyone survive when faced with multiple problems, just one of which is so overwhelming as to be almost beyond human ability to endure? How could anyone put aside all the pressures and distractions of one mind-numbing problem long enough to focus on other vitally important, highly demanding matters? Consider, for example, a child whose home-life fills her with terror. She is safer at school but when she is there she needs to somehow block from her mind awareness of her home-life in order to function at school without being incapacitated by anguish over what she suffered yesterday and paralyzed with fear about what might happen tonight. Here’s another type of problem: children have a deep need to believe they have a kind mother who can be trusted to keep them safe. As much as possible, a child needs to be able to enjoy times when her mother is nice, without those times being ruined by the knowledge that occasionally her mother acts toward her more like a terrifying monster than a mother.

Out of absolute necessity, a person having to cope with any such traumatic, conflicting situations, is forced to become very skilled at blocking out awareness of some parts of her life in order to sufficiently focus on other necessary aspects of her life that must be attended to. Such a person’s mind becomes rigidly divided into various parts, each of which is freed up to focus on certain tasks by being kept unaware of highly distracting and upsetting matters that other parts of her mind must deal with.

You and I are parts of one clever mind that was forced – by the immensity of what we have had to cope with – to be divided and kept unaware of the distressing concerns of other parts.

Circumstances are now improving, however, and we no longer need to be so divided and unaware of each other’s problems. From now on, the more aware of each other we become, and the more we do things together, the more we can achieve and the better we will feel and the safer we will be.

Things are Better Than You Realize

Reality was once so horrible for us that to give ourselves a necessary break from it and help us feel safer, we partly withdrew into a fantasy world. We were so good at it that our fantasy world began to seem completely real. As a result, the truth can be staggeringly different to what we expect it to be. Once we get used to it, however, we will discover that reality is actually a pleasant surprise.

Life is now better than it ever used to be and it is now safe and good to come out of our fantasy world and re-enter the real world. [Explain to the new alter why things are now safer than when that part was formed. You might have moved location so that your former abusers no longer have ready access to you. Perhaps your former abusers are even dead or infirmed. Your body is more mature, which means you are no longer dependent upon abusers. Perhaps you are also stronger and less easily overpowered physically. Being older means you are more likely to be believed if you report abuse to authorities, thus making abusers more frightened of you. You are likely to now have greater resources and maturity to cope, and greater ability to see through the scary and condemning lies abusers told you. Also share with the part lots of good things you have experienced since that part was formed. It might take an effort to think of good things, but they are there.]

You used to be surrounded by people who, despite claiming to be right, told you horrific but convincing lies to trick you into making you feel bad about yourself and scared. You did not deserve to be lied to and put down. You might have been treated as if you were less than human, or you might have wished you were less than human. Or you might have longed to be the opposite sex because it seemed that if you were you might have been treated better. But now it is safe to be fully human and to be the gender that your body is, and now you have the support of the rest of us who live in this body. We believe in you and respect you and long to be your warm, safe friends, if you want us.

For a long while we did not understand that being treated badly had split us into different parts, all of whom are good and important, share the same body and belong to each other. This, and other misconceptions, caused some of us to ignore each other and accidentally – and sometimes even deliberately – hurt each other. We are very sorry about this. Thankfully, those days are over and we all want to be best friends with every part. We are now kind to each other, respect each other, listen carefully to each other, are truthful with each other, believe each other, comfort and encourage each other, and try hard to help each other feel good about himself/herself.

For some of us, the bad things that happened to us are so strong in our memories that they seem only like yesterday when they actually happened a surprisingly long time ago and many good things have happened since. We will not have to suffer from the bad memories and distress for all of our lives. These things will slowly fade in our memories and life will get better and better.

Finding the Best Friend

Our lives are far more valuable than we had thought and we are headed for good things. We had bad people in our lives who claimed to be right but were cruel and nasty. There were some others who genuinely tried to help us but they still ended up letting us down. Not everyone is like that, however. There are some good people in this world, even though they can sometimes be hard to find. Nevertheless, humans are not perfect.

We need a friend who will never, ever hurt or disappoint us or make a mistake or not fully understand us or not always like us or not always be available when we need a friend. The only person like that is not human. He is God. Because he is God and not human, he is not sexual and he is utterly selfless.

Many people lie about God, saying awful things about him that are totally false. Sometimes evil spirits pretend to be God or his Son Jesus. The real God, however, is good and kind and thinks highly of you and of the rest of us. He is gentle and patient and forgiving. He never tricks us nor forces us to do things. He never touches us in a bad way. Anyone claiming to be God or Jesus who is not like that is bluffing. Such a being is a fake and we can totally ignore him. Moreover, because the real God is on our side, we can order any such deceiver to leave.

People have blamed us for things, and we have blamed ourselves for things, but despite what people might say, God does not blame us at all. And the exciting thing is that God is the Judge of all the world. What he says is right and his opinion of us will stand for all eternity. Anyone who disagrees with him will be proved wrong.

Rather than let us be blamed, the Son of God cares for us so deeply that he came to earth so that he could take upon himself all of our blame and shame and suffer all the punishment and disgrace that we and others think we deserve. The punishment was so torturous and he absorbed it so fully that it killed him. Nevertheless, he suffered it willingly so that we could be made totally innocent and blameless in God’s eyes. It seems far too good to be true but we have discovered that Jesus is so amazingly good that it is absolutely true.

So although we do not always realize it, all our shame and blame has totally gone because of Jesus. And because he himself was totally innocent, he was able to come back to life again after fully extinguishing all our blame and punishment. He considers all his suffering worth it when we no longer blame ourselves and no longer believe that we are guilty or think that we still deserve to be punished. He likes us so much that when we are happy, it makes him really happy and when we feel sad, it makes him feel sad. He is the best friend anyone could ever have and he would love to be your friend, just as he is my friend.

It will be a slow process but all of us will end up finding life enjoyable and fulfilling and we will be a blessing to God. Many people will spend eternity thanking us for the great help we have been to them. It might not seem that way at present, but it will happen.

Sharing the Same Body

We all share the same body. So if any of us killed himself/herself, it would kill us all, and if anyone hurt the body, it would hurt us all. It will take a while, but you will end up feeling better, and those of us who are already beginning to feel better do not want to die or have our body hurt. So we beg you, for their sake, don’t hurt yourself, even when the urge to do so is strong. There are much better ways of ending your distress than hurting yourself. These ways might take a while to work but you will end up really happy that you chose them rather than hurting yourself.

Even baby parts who cannot even talk can learn in a matter of weeks not only how to talk but to read and write, but even if they still play with children’s toys, they can develop skills that not even adult parts can equal. So you are now part of a team of highly capable parts and some of them are quickly becoming even more capable. You are no longer in the scary situation where everything depends solely on you. So you can at last relax. You are surrounded by parts who are keen to support you and ensure your safety. Even more amazing and reassuring is that God, who never needs to rest, is forever looking after us, every moment day and night and if there is anything we need to be aware of when we are sleeping or distracted, he will alert us the instant we need to know.

Keeping Safe

It is of extreme importance that all of us – you and all the other parts of you – always make good decisions that end up being in your best interest and keep you safe. The danger, however, is that no one, no matter how intelligent, caring and capable, can be sure of making safe decisions without knowing all the relevant facts.

You are of extreme importance in deciding what should be done because you know things that no one else knows. Your other parts need you. Each of your other parts, however, are equally important because they know things that you don’t. This is because you and each of your other parts have had times when you were asleep or in hiding, when other parts of you were actively observing or learning or doing things of great significance in deciding the best course of action.

There are a million of possibilities, but here’s one example. An alter who is active most of the time might have been “protected” by another part from unpleasant information about her parents. She believes her parents are safe but another part of her knows that her father regularly attacked her. Without her knowing this about her father, it could be highly dangerous for her to make the decision to visit her parents, spending several nights in their home. [Vicki and Grantley, the authors of this webpage, have had friends who have ended up suffering horribly because of such a decision.] On the other hand, another part might be horrified about her making this decision and doesn’t know how to gently persuade her. So in utter desperation this part does something harmful to the body in order to try to prevent the trip to the parents. This could cause needless suffering if the alter taking this desperate action did not realize that it is safe to go home because the father has died. Such a situation is common, as parts are often totally unaware that for them time has flown because they had been unconscious for many years while one or more other parts were getting on with life.

To keep oneself safe, every part of you needs to meet each other and share what each of you knows. Only then will you be able to piece together all the facts that will empower you to choose the safest and wisest course of action in each situation you face.

Any sharing of information will be invaluable, but it is almost impossible to be certain that there are no other parts of you with critical information who have so far remained in hiding. Even when every part has fully shared, however, there is still someone who knows even more. No, it is not a counselor. The one who knows absolutely everything in the entire universe is God. And he alone has infinite intelligence. Anyone who has him as a friend has an enormous advantage. If you are afraid of him or don’t have him as a friend, we will not force you in any way, but there is no need for that situation to continue.

Have you had people say bad things about you that are not true? Well people treat God that way all the time. He is actually the best and safest friend anyone could ever have and, despite what you might imagine, he thinks the world of you. Even if you struggle with that at present, you have some parts who have made this discovery and are friends with God. So if those parts have heard from God on a matter, that is immense wisdom that you can benefit from.

Meetings

We have meetings, where all parts get together and discuss important decisions, and so on. You, along with all parts get to fully explain your views and wishes and when everyone has shared their insight into the matter, you and the rest of us get to vote on it. We all agree to follow whatever decision wins the majority vote. Agreement is important because we all live in the same body. United we stand; divided we stumble.

[Note to the more experienced part: if what is described in the following paragraph has not yet occurred, I strongly suggest that you let it happen because God deeply wants it and you will all greatly benefit from it.]

One day, God offered us the incredible privilege of letting him be a part of us. Some of us saw immediately what an astounding opportunity it was. We would have access to all his unlimited kindness, knowledge and help. Others of us were worried about what it might mean. We discussed it in depth with each other, voicing hopes and fears about this momentous decision. Finally we decided to put it to a vote, agreeing – as always – that we would all abide by the decision of the majority. God won the vote. Even those who originally voted against having God as one of our parts now agree that it was the smartest decision we have ever made. God never forces us. He simply discusses things with us and votes on them just like any other part. He encourages us, laughs at our jokes, answers our questions and makes us feel so much better. If we disagree with each other on anything, we go to him to sort it out. We can trust his decision because he likes each of us equally. He is totally fair and he is the smartest person in the universe.

Making Life Easier and Better

When parts of a person know much about each other, they become warm, wonderful friends who help and support each other and have lots of safe fun together. When they know very little, however, a few parts that some people have, can seem nasty. They have a good, kind heart but having been cut off from important information sometimes forces them to take drastic action in a desperate attempt to protect themselves and others. We mentioned an example of this with someone’s part who believed they were about to be exposed to immense danger by returning to the parent’s house. This part sincerely believed there was no other way to stay safe other than take drastic action. When a part learns more of the facts and learns how to more gently and more persuasively help other parts not make dangerous decisions, everything calms right down. It is far easier to ask a friend to do something for you than to try to convince an enemy or someone you have been nasty to. People trust and believe friends, not someone who threatens them. So becoming friends with your parts not only makes life much more enjoyable and safer, it actually helps you get your own way.

All of us agree to be nice to each other. If a part mistakenly thinks that hurting us will keep us safe or some such thing, we discuss it with the part, helping him or her to understand.

[When convenient, it would be helpful to provide to this part of you with a timeline of significant events in your life, both good and bad, such as abuse, education, marriage, family, and so on, along with photos and mementoes and a map showing where you have lived and how far away you now live in relation to everything that has happened in the past.]

D.I.D.

An Amazing Way to Fast-Track Healing

Christine initially found it highly traumatic and confusing whenever a new alter emerged (i.e. whenever a part of her we had not previously been aware of revealed herself). As already hinted, in addition to Christine’s distress as each alter’s pain and turmoil washed over her, I found it frustrating and time consuming that since newly surfaced alters had no awareness of all that Christine had learned about D.I.D., I had to laboriously explain to each of them all over again what D.I.D. is, how good and safe and kind and trustworthy Jesus is, all that has happened in Christine’s life that they are not aware of, plus how to access all the skills and knowledge each alter has, and so on. Eventually, however, when still more alters first revealed themselves it was no longer traumatic, I was not needed at all, and they learned all they needed amazingly quickly and almost effortlessly. The key to this transformation was that Christine had developed a way for alters to quickly access all the information they needed to heal and to become fully functional and to know everything about current circumstances and what other alters had experienced in the past.

By all means, modify Christine’s method in whatever way best suits you, but basically what makes possible this quick transference of information begins with creating a pleasant place in your mind that is fully accessible to every alter, even to alters you are not currently aware of. Use your powerful imagination to adjust lighting, room temperature, background music, furnishings and spaciousness to whatever is most comforting and relaxing for you. Should it be outdoors? Should it be surrounded by an impenetrable wall with a secure door that only alters can access? Should there be flowers, stuffed toys, friendly animals, water features? This is your place, so make it special. Should, however, an alter later appear who feels uncomfortable about some aspect of it, change it however needed to best suit the newcomer.

In this cozy haven you have used your imagination to fashion, create a large video library or memory bank or filing system (however you like to think of it) stored with all sorts of memories and information accumulated by each alter. Not only can sights, sounds, smells and facts be stored but also the emotions felt when each event occurred. If alters wish, they can actually merge their minds with these memories so that the memories remain as real for them as it is for the alter who originally experienced them. That way, for example, if an alter is asleep when others have a nice day, the alter can catch up and miss out on nothing.

What you are creating in your mind is primarily a place of comfort and learning that will bring relief and empowerment to alters. It is a safe place where each alter has complete control over what he/she learns. Both good memories and bad ones should be stored there and alters can sample them at whatever speed best suits them. Pleasant memories are very valuable because trauma tends to distort things so that the good is not enjoyed or even noticed nearly as much as it should. The result is an unjustifiably negative view of life that can leave a person needlessly fearful or pessimistic and can even sap him/her of the will to live. The stockpile of good memories helps restore the balance.

Distressing memories are also astonishingly valuable. They are a vital key to understanding one’s roots and critical to finally finding peace, healing and wholeness. How can anyone resolve perplexing issues that one remains unaware of? Moreover, secrets (such as alters hiding scary memories from each other) keep people fractured. Alters keeping secrets from each other create no-go zones in one’s brain. Such secrets put a wall between alters, preventing them from accessing each other’s intellectual potential.

Alters should not be pressured to visit unpleasant memories, however. And one of the features of the memory bank is that as each memory is accessed, it can be stopped whenever the alter wishes. Another empowering aspect of this system is that each alter is aware that what he/she is reviewing is not currently happening but that it is a past event that has a happy ending in that it has been survived and is now over. It is helpful for each alter to have Jesus present when viewing these memories because Jesus thoroughly knows both the alter and what happens next in the memory. So he knows precisely when it is best for the alter to take a break.

Unpleasant memories should be categorized according to how unpleasant they are. Some might be labeled, “Not to be viewed alone,” meaning they should be viewed only when the alter has the comforting support of another alter being present.

What typically motivates alters to access bad memories of what another alter suffered is their eagerness to break the isolation felt by the alter who originally experienced it and to offer comfort and support. Love, such as acting out of love for another alter, is empowering and healing not just for the recipient but especially for the one who loves.

The memory bank can also be a place for storing creative ideas, including stories, music and imaginary things that help alters relax. Some alters might like to store lists about themselves, such as the top three things they love, the top three things they hate, the top three things they want all the others to know them for and the top three things they don’t want to be known for. This allows a new alter to immediately find common ground with one or more other alters and to start bonding with them, thus helping them feel less isolated and more understood and more able to find the support and guidance they need.

It is good to develop a buddy system where a more experienced alter helps out a newer one. It can also be good for alters with a different mix of strengths and weaknesses to pair up so that the weaknesses of each are offset by the strengths of the other.

Since some alters are particularly good at helping new alters adjust, information identifying these alters could also be included.

You might find it helpful to have a section of the library where basic information new alters need is outlined and from there they can access more details as required. Do this even if you are convinced that every alter has been discovered, because no matter how sure you feel, it is still possible that another will emerge.

With practice, each alter will master the ability to speed up the viewing process so that information is able to be absorbed even faster.

If, for example, you know a second language, or an alter is too young to know any language, this system will allow the alter to gain the ability to speak a whole new language astonishingly fast. The same applies to other skills that would otherwise take years to learn.

Eventually, one alter is likely to discover that he/she is particularly good at organizing this information so that it can be easily located.

The memory bank can be added to daily or even minute by minute so that short term memory is readily accessible as well as long term memory. I considered that the goal should be to store absolutely everything in different sections of this one place. To my surprise, however, Christine still kept suffering the frustration of misplacing keys, cell phone, important documents, and so on. Often an alter had deliberately stored them somewhere “safe” (i.e. where she believed they would not be lost) but when they were urgently needed, that alter – and it could be any of several – happened to be asleep.

Christine explained that because the memory bank held not only good memories but highly disturbing ones, it was best kept in a cozy, tranquil area that helped alters feel as secure and relaxed as possible. Yes, it was stressful frantically hunting for urgently needed items but she considered that keeping the area around her memory bank a place of serenity was too important to let it be spoiled by agitated alters bursting in to look for information before, for example, rushing off to work. Eventually, Christine decided to create an area quite separate from the memory bank. She visualized it as a notice board on which alters pinned notes indicating where they had placed various items. Its success hinged on every alter getting into the habit of using the board but it proved most helpful.

Like riding a bike, playing a piano or any other skill, creating a memory bank takes time to perfect but practice will pay off. Eventually, it will become not only a way to speed up healing but very empowering; enabling you to be more in control of your life, better organized, less confused, less disabled if a key alter goes into hiding, and so on. For more information about developing these skills, see How to Cure Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Are you curious as to why the above actually works? It is employing your ability to visualize things to help you better organize all your memories of experiences and things learned so that they are easier to locate. It also allows you to create a visual representation of parts of you being able to access information stored in the brain that had previously been off limits to those parts.

Whereas, in the past, fear had prevented you from doing this, the above is giving yourself permission to create new neural pathways that connect parts of the brain that had previously had little or no connection. The exciting result is a multiplication of one’s mental capacity. It is like creating a supercomputer by connecting individual computers, each of which has valuable data and capacity.

Not having access to certain parts of one’s brain is a serious handicap. It is almost like part of you being cut off from the ability to see, another part being cut off from the ability to hear, and so on. There is a positive side, however. When a man cannot see, he has to compensate by developing his ability to use his other senses beyond what average people can do. Similarly, I believe that alters have been forced to compensate for being disconnected by maximizing their limited capacity and by replicating abilities that other parts have already developed. As a result, the total capacity of the brain is greater than that of average people but the actual extent of this intellectual superiority cannot be fully manifested until all the isolated parts are connected. When that happens, the result is impressive.

D.I.D.

Conclusion

We might have imagined that doing away with childish things speeds an alters’s growth but it can actually bring to a grinding halt not just the growth of one alter, but all healing. In fact, almost any decision made without an alter’s consent has the potential to be highly triggering and often cause pain, resentment, and withdrawal, which will in turn keep a person’s mind divided against itself.

You’re a leader, not a loner. It might be frustrating to have to go slow for the sake of the others, but a general who charges off at his own pace is in for a rude shock when he encounters the enemy and looks behind to find himself alone because his army was unable to keep up with him. Together you are strong.

Healing requires almost superhuman reserves of courage, love, patience, insight, and so on, but that’s okay because through Jesus you have access to all that you need.

D.I.D.

Next Page

Building an Invincible Team

For much more insight and help, see Christian Resources: Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder


Personalized support
Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

© 2010, 2012, 2015 Grantley Morris.   May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net  Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author.


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