Therapy / Help for Abusive Introject Alters / Insiders


How to Cure / Stop ĎBadí Alters

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What makes the following so useful and a simple learning tool is that it is an actual record of e-mail exchanges between a host and counselor showing the exact process by which the alter was helped and underwent a significant transformation that is typical of alters as they heal. It is of immense value and most encouraging to everyone wanting to learn how to help alters heal. (Alters, also known as insiders, are parts of a person who has Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.), also known as Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.).

This webpage gives insight into a somewhat rare type of alter known as an introject. Because this introject was an abuser, however, it helps readers know how to bring relief and healing to any angry, nasty alter. Moreover, parts of the following are also relevant to helping still other types of alters.

Names have been changed and dates concealed to preserve anonymity but Jim writes quite well and the following has only had very minor editing, such as the insertion of an occasional question mark and correction of a rare spelling error.

The e-mail exchange took place in an Internet Chat version of Group Therapy that I created for people with D.I.D. E-mails were sporadic. All of Jimís e-mails to everyone have been included, as well as all the groupís e-mails to him. His host, Sharon, also occasionally e-mailed Jim via the group. These are included. The host and other alters of hers wrote much to the group, as did other members of the group, but only those e-mails of direct relevance to Jim have been included.

Occasionally, words were used by the alter that Iíve never used in my life. I have not gone to all the effort to produce this webpage for onlookersí idle curiosity. If you are too ďholyĒ to be exposed to such language Ė mild by many peopleís standards Ė perhaps you should consider going straight to heaven and leave the real work of helping the lost and hurting to others. Iíve yielded to the temptation to jettison authenticity and censor questionable language by replacing it with *#!%@. If you discover a word I did not run through Find and Replace, please let them know Ė it was my final revision and given its length, I havenít had time to recheck it.

The following might be triggering to certain readers. Healing, however, is reserved for those with the courage to face triggers. Now might not be the right time for you but if you plan to spend the rest of your life avoiding triggers, donít expect to heal.

Several different alters and people were involved, and this has been color coded. The following is an introduction to those participating, in the color used whenever they write.

    Jim is the primary alter being helped.

    Sharon is Jimís host.

    Jennifer is another of Sharonís alters.

    Muscles is yet another of Sharonís alters.

    Headless is an alter of another group member, whom we have called Mary. Headless has undergone some healing but is still distressed over some things.

    Punk is another of Maryís alters. Punk once saw herself as a boy but she has healed considerably. She used to protect and care for a younger alter, Enchanted, but these days they are usually merged. They both know Jesus well and this has greatly contributed to their healing.

    Iím Grantley. I happen to have a degree in psychology and much experience in helping people with D.I.D. but, except for 6 months as a research assistant, I have never pursued psychology or counseling as a career. My primary ministry is writing and I have literally many hundreds of major webpages on this website, which I established. What I do in helping people with D.I.D. could be done by any Christian filled with the humility, love, patience, gentleness, kindness, faith and faithfulness that the Spirit gives.

    I prefer to quote key parts of the personís email and then comment on them. The quotes are in this color.

* * *

Day 1 Time: 01:17 hours

I feel like Iím on a roller coaster ride in dealing with my P.T.S.D. [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder] and DID [Dissociative Identity Disorder]. One minute Iím up and the next minute Iím down. Iím feeling overwhelmed and not sure how to deal with it anymore. I had a session with my therapist today and an alter named Jim came out in the session. He is real, real mean. He is like my father was. My fatherís name was Jim. He told my therapist that he likes being mean and thatís how he is. That he doesnít know how to be nice. He tried to sabotage the session. I donít know how to deal with all of the mean alters that I have. I know of 3 other ones. I left the session feeling very scared and was afraid that Jim would come out again and that he would encourage [my alters] Jennifer and Brenda to go to the cemetery to torch themselves. He has done that before and only by the grace of God they did not succeed in completing the act. Iím afraid of some of my alters and there are still some new ones coming out. I think Grantley do you not have webpages dealing with mean alters and if you do how do I find them? Does anyone else in the group have mean alters and how do you deal with them? I wrote a poem about what it is like to be on my P.T.S.D. and DID roller coaster ride. I would like to share it with Grantley and the group if that would be okay with everyone.

[The following has been considerably abridged. Enough remains to convey the message, even if it butchers the poetry.]

    My P.T.S.D. AND DID ROLLER COASTER RIDE!

    Where are you Jesus
    When I cry out to You?
    Dear Jesus Ė please help take me
    Take me off of my P.T.S.D. and DID roller coaster ride.
    Jesus Ė hold me tight
    Until the ride Iím on stops Ė for you see
    I am so frightened Ė so scared Ė so sick
    That if I donít get off of the ride soon Ė dead I will be.
    Asking for this help is hard for me
    Because I am full of pride.
    Jesus Ė sometimes I feel like giving up
    Sometimes the ride is out of control
    Flashbacks Ė nightmares Ė memories Ė lapses of time, too
    I question Ė is this my life to be.
    Jesus Ė Iím hanging on by a thread
    I close my eyes so I do not see.
    Let me know that there is hope
    Hope to get through this strife.
    Jesus Ė thank you once again
    For listening to my cry for help again Ė for you see.
    Oftentimes I feel alone
    Hopefully your truth will set me free.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
An alter named Jim came out in the session. He is real, real mean.

I know that this can be scary but itís a great step forward. Remember that whether you face it or not, he still remains within you and he will remain mean unless you get to know him.

He is like my father was. My fatherís name was Jim.

He almost sounds like an introject but not quite. Introjects (see below) not only act like the abuser, they actually believe they ARE that person. Hereís a short quote from one of my pages:

Abusive Alters

Often when one takes the time to get to know an alter who is being harsh to fellow alters or hurting them or even sexually abusing them, it turns out that they actually believe they are helping. They might think, for example, that they are toughening up the alters, thus making them less vulnerable to abuse. Or, in the hope of saving the person from even worse abuse, they might enforce an abuserís oppressive rules about never crying, or punishing them for doing anything the abuser might object to. Often the abusive alter is unaware that the abuser no longer has access to them and so the alter continues the oppression when there is no longer the slightest need.

As always, it is important to try to understand what motivates an alter and to gently help the alter see through any misconceptions the alter has.

Introjects

An introject is a rather amazing type of abuser alter. Until the misconception is exposed, an introject not only acts like an external person the survivor knew, but every alter within the survivor Ė including the introject alter Ė actually believes that this alter is not an alter but is the real external person. At first, this seems astounding but it is consistent with the wide range of different things that alters can think themselves, including animals, aliens and so on.

Often that external person is someone who abused the person who has this alter. Even though not all external abusers realize it, this type of introject alter enforces the external abuserís wishes upon the alters when the abuser is absent. Some introjects actually report back to the abuser as informers.

Not surprisingly, introjects have themselves suffered immensely.

It is important to bring introject alters to the point where they finally realize they are part of the abuse survivor and not part of the external abuser. Helping them discover the current date and that they are in the body of someone other than the abuser can help. Once introjects become loyal to the survivor, the personís safety is significantly enhanced.

--------------

He told my therapist that he likes being mean and thatís how he is.

He might have said that but he is actually in deep pain and is acting like this simply because it helps him feel safer. You need to give priority to getting to know him because he could hurt other alters until you calm him. You will win him over by showing him unconditional love, listening to him and gently explaining misconceptions he has and by encouraging him to make Jesus his best friend. Ensure he understands that he is now safe and that because he is safe there is no need for the tough exterior. It will take some time for these truths to sink in.

only by the grace of God they did not succeed in completing the act.

You have Godís grace. You are safe.

do you not have webpages dealing with mean alters and if you do how do I find them.

Itís not hard to find, my friend. All my pages on DID are listed at Christian Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) and one page dealing with such alters is very prominent in the list. It is important that you read all the pages.

I am so frightened Ė so scared Ė so sick
That if I donít get off of the ride soon Ė dead I will be.

You are safe. God is with you. Keep looking to him and he will see you through.

Jesus Ė sometimes I feel like giving up

Thatís to be expected.

Asking for this help is hard for me
Because I am full of pride.

Itís more likely to be a product of how people have mistreated you, rather than pride.

Bless you, Sis!

Grantley

* * *

Day 1 Time: 02:51 hours

Who the *#!%@ are you? There Sharon goes again! Trying to accuse me of sabotaging her session today. Does she not know what Iím capable of doing? Iíll just give her nightmares and flashbacks again. Iím good at doing that. Iíll just get her precious Jennifer and Brenda, who I hate, to hurt themselves. I have that much control. I like being mean and donít try your smooth talking to get me to change. Iíll just get meaner. I had a very good teacher who taught me the tricks of the trade. I like seeing people suffer. Donít you dare call me sick or try to get me to understand your way of thinking, it wonít work. I hate all of the insiders except for Earl and George, they think the way that I do. You donít have to reply back. In fact, DONíT Ė STAY THE *#!%@ OUT OF MY LIFE OR YOU WILL BE SORRY.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
I like being mean

Interesting. Does it bring you peace? Does it end your pain?

Grantley

* * *

Day 1 Time: 6:46 hours

Canít sleep having nightmares so I checked my e-mails and saw what Jim one of my alters wrote to you Grantley. I am just sick to know that there are alters like him inside of me. And it made me sick to see what he wrote to you, Grantley. After reading it I feel like I need to leave the group. (CRYING) I am scared that Jim will do something to hurt someone else in the group too and that would sadden me. So I want to thank everybody for being there for me. Sorry, Iím too scared and sick to write anymore.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
I am just sick to know that there are alters like him inside of me.

Learning about them is a most important discovery.

And it made me sick to see what he wrote to you Grantley.

Iím so glad he shared.

After reading it I feel like I need to leave the group.

Not at all. This is what the group is all about. I think Iím going to learn some things because of Jim.

I believe in you!

Bless you, my friend!

Grantley

* * *

Day 1 Time: 11:32 hours

Yes it brings me peace. Peace of mind. Then Iím the one in control not the others. For when they are in control then there is more pain. You will not understand me so WHY EVEN TRY. I am nothing but a speck on the wall in your eyes so donít try. I do what I do because that is what I had to do.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
For when they are in control then there is more pain.

Interesting.

I am nothing but a speck on the wall in your eyes

Not at all. Whether she realizes it or not, you are very important to Sharon and you are very important to God and to me.

I do what I do because that is what I had to do.

Am I right in thinking that the father hurt you if ever you didnít do it?

Grantley

* * *

Day 1 Time: 12:04 hours

Why arenít you scared of me? You should be. And as far as God loving me thatís not true. And as far as my father Iím just like him Ė mean. Sharon does not like me. I hurt others and that makes her hate me. No one understands me and no one cares, not even God because if He did then nothing would have happened and I wouldnít have done what I did. You donít understand. I need to be in control of everything because if Iím not things will happen that are worse.

Jim

* * *

Day 1 Time: 12:17 hours

Thanks for the e-mail explaining about alters who may be introjects. This all seems so overwhelming. If I try to love him isnít that going to make him think that he can continue his mean behavior on all of us? I see heís been e-mailing you. Iím really scared of him Grantley. And when he knows that he seems to get meaner. Help me understand him please.

Sharon

* * *

Day 2 Time: 04:25 hours

I am so mixed up and confused. Iím too tired to fight the battle of dealing with my DID. (CRYING) Jennifer cut. Jim is encouraging her to suicide out. And I feel like it too. Itís all too overwhelming. Where is God in all this? I do not think He is there. Iíve lost faith in Him. Thanks Grantley for everything. Be there for others who havenít lost the battle.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
I am so mixed up and confused. Iím too tired to fight the battle of dealing with my DID. (CRYING) Jennifer cut. Jim is encouraging her to suicide out. And I feel like it too.

This is REALLY tough for you, dear friend. Anyone in your position would find it exceedingly difficult. Please hang on. It will get easier.

Itís all too overwhelming

It feels that way but even though you are too numb to feel it at present, God is with you and you will make it.

Where is God in all this?

Crying with you. Believing in you. Loving you.

Be there for others who havenít lost the battle.

You havenít lost. You will make it. Iím proud of you.

Grantley

* * *

Day 2 Time: 12:16 hours

Grantley, it is by the grace of God that Jennifer did not suicide out last night. She had a plan and a method and the means. (CRYING) God is an awesome God he saw me through the darkness of the night. I listened to 2 Christian songs over and over. They are I AM NOT ALONE Ė BY NATALIE GRANT and WHEN I CRY Ė BY THE GAITHERS VOCAL BAND. They are very powerful songs. They share that we are not alone that He is right beside us through the raging storms. And is there through the darkness. And he is there through our pain. And when we cry He cries and He understands. Grantley, I am so scared. There is so much chaos going on inside. Many of the insiders are afraid of Jim. How do I deal with Jim? I donít know if I can love him. (CRYING HARD) I need a lot of prayers and support. Thanks for being there for me and thanks to anyone else who showed support last night.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
it is by the grace of God that Jennifer did not suicide out last night.

And Godís grace is with you all the time. You are safe because of him.

God is an awesome God he saw me through the darkness of the night.

And he will continue to do so.

There is so much chaos going on inside.

Yes, but even though it will take a while, this will slowly settle down.

How do I deal with Jim?

He needs lots of love and gentleness. He will slowly soften.

I donít know if I can love him.

Itís certainly a challenge but ask God for you to be allowed to see him through Godís eyes.

* * *

Day 2 Time: 23:32 hours

LOOK HOW STUPID YOU ARE. YOU BOTH ARE *#!%@ IDIOTS. YOU HAVENíT WON THE BATTLE YET, I WILL BE SURE YOU DONíT. REMEMBER I AM IN CONTROL NOT YOU. AND THAT JESUS STUFF MAKES ME SICK. WHO ARE YOU KIDDING. HEíS NOT REAL. IíLL WIN OVER YOU. I WILL HAUNT YOU ALL. JENNIFER YOU ARE NOT SAFE AROUND ME DO YOU HEAR ME AND SHARON EITHER ARE YOU. WHY DONíT YOU JUST ADMIT YOU ARE CRAZY. WHY DONíT YOU JUST END IT ALREADY YOU ARE WORTHLESS, CONTAMINATED, DIRTY, AND A *#!%@ WHORE. THAT IS THE TRUTH. I HATE YOU ALL AND I WILL GET REVENGE I ALWAYS DO.

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
YOU HAVENíT WON THE BATTLE YET

The only victory we want is for you to feel safe and at peace and valued.

WHY DONíT YOU JUST END IT

But all of you share the same body, Jim. If they died, it would kill you and we want you to live and enjoy life.

Good to hear from you, Jim!

* * *

Day 2 Time: 23:49 hours

Just read Jims e-mail to Sharon and me. Iím really scared. I donít know what to do. Sharon is scared too. What if he convinces me again to suicide out like he almost won last night. I feel like Iím living in a nightmare with no escape to be found. Will you help us. Thanks

Jennifer

* * *

[To Jennifer from Grantley]

You wrote:
What if he convinces me again to suicide out

Jesus is stronger than anyone in the universe. Call out to him and he will protect you.

* * *

Day 3 Time: 00:49 hours

YOU ARE A FOOL. DONíT YOU KNOW LOVE HURTS?

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
DONíT YOU KNOW LOVE HURTS?

Abusers often claim to be loving when they are abusing. So yes, such false love hurts. But real love is selfless and will not hurt the loved one.

Iíd very much like to be your friend.

Grantley

* * *

Day 3 Time: 01:11 hours

Be your friend? You got to be kidding. I am slimier than a snake. I live in the murky clay. I am worthless. I loathe myself. I have been told that I am satan himself. There is no way anyone could love me. Donít get me wrong I donít want to be loved. Like I said love hurts. If you were smart you would not have anything to do with me.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
Be your friend? You got to be kidding.

Not at all. Iíd love to be your friend. In fact, I would consider it an honor, but I donít in any way want to offend you by asking you to be my friend. Iím happy for it to be a one way friendship since at this stage you havenít had a chance to really know me. If you would accept me as a friend, Iíd be delighted.

I am worthless. I loathe myself.

I am so sorry that you loathe yourself but I donít loathe you in the slightest and neither does God. We see you as priceless. I do not say this lightly. A diamond is just a piece of rock. It canít love, talk, think. Its worth is based not on what it can do but on what people are willing to pay for it. Diamonds are considered of great value simply because people will pay much to have one. You are far more precious to God than tons of diamonds and he paid a far higher price than all the wealth of a million earths to have you as his best friend. You have an irreplaceable place in Godís own heart. He loves you dearly and tenderly and devotedly. He paid the highest possible price Ė the willing sacrificial death of his holy Son Ė to have you as his best friend.

I have been told that I am satan himself.

Anyone saying such a thing about you does not have the heart of God.

There is no way anyone could love me.

God loves even those who hate him. Jesus gave his life so that you can be pure in Godís eyes. He can empower you to be a person of honor, and he longs for your permission to do just that.

If you were smart you would not have anything to do with me.

I believe I can detect kindness in you saying that Ė that you would not want me to be hurt. God is smarter than either of us, however. He has infinite intelligence and he loves you dearly Ė in a safe, totally selfless, sexless way. The smartest thing I could ever do would be to take his lead.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 3 Time: 03:18 hours

You make me sick. Enough with the God stuff. You say you want to be my friend. HA HA. With your smooth talking. Youíre like a spider who wants to befriend me so that you can snatch me into your web only to devour me and use me for your own good. They were all like that.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You can think and say horrible things about me but you canít stop me from caring about you.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 3 Time: 21:16 hours

I need prayer!

Went to medical doctor and found out I have pneumonia and bronchitis. The climate is very damp and cold where I live. I just had this same thing in November. Iím tired of being sick both physically and mentally. Thanks

Sharon

* * *

Day 3 Time: 02:32 hours

I AM SICK OF SHARON BEING SUCH A WIMP. SHE IS SICK AGAIN. MAYBE SHE WILL DIE AND THEN IíLL BE FREE. I AM NOT A PART OF HER. I AM SEPARATE. AND I DONíT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ANYMORE OF THAT GOD STUFF. SHE MAKES ME SICK AND THAT JENNIFER IS ONE BAD AND EVIL PERSON. SHE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME THE OTHER NIGHT AND ENDED IT. YOU DONíT WANT TO BE MY FRIEND BECAUSE I LIKE BEING IN CONTROL AND IN THIS GROUP OF YOURS YOU ARE IN CONTROL. THATíS HOW THEY ALL WERE Ė IN CONTROL. I SAID ENOUGH.

JIM

[It is quite upsetting and confusing for an alter to be told what I was about to tell Jim. I would have preferred to have done it slower and gentler but I was suffering from migraines and the pressure of this ministry (Jimís e-mails were just a tiny fraction of what I faced every day) and I felt that I needed to move fast lest Jim seriously undermine Sharonís health by not realizing that they shared the same body.]

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

Hi, Jim!

Iím sorry that Iím not too well or I would try harder to put the following in a gentler, more diplomatic way but the following is the best I can do at present.

You wrote:
SHE IS SICK AGAIN. MAYBE SHE WILL DIE AND THEN IíLL BE FREE. I AM NOT A PART OF HER I AM SEPARATE.

Thank you so much for explaining this. I now understand you much better. You have stayed inside for so long that very much has happened without your realizing it. Are you aware that the year is 2011? Maybe you are Ė I donít know Ė but your above statement is as out of touch as not knowing what year it is. I donít wish in any way to insult you by saying this but you need to know the truth. Have you looked in the mirror through Sharonís eyes? If you do you will NOT see a male but an older female Ė Sharonís body. Check it out. Whether you like it or not it is an undeniable fact that you and Sharon and Jennifer share the same body and that for either of them to die would kill you.

[Comment by Grantley to reader: Telling Jim to look in the mirror worked out very well. Certain alters, however, have such a strong belief as to their appearance that sometimes the result of looking in an external mirror can be variable. For help with such alters, see Helping introject alters find their true identity.

I am currently drafting a webpage listing ways for introjects to discover they are not who they think they are.]

It is important to be strong and be safe. The most powerful way to achieve this is to get supernatural strength. Thatís where God comes in.

I LIKE BEING IN CONTROL

Thatís fine but when you do please try hard to get your facts right.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 4 Time: 20:56 hours

Dear Jim, Iím sorry for the way I have been treating you. I was wrong and I just want to say thank you for all what you have done for me. I know you probably think this is a trick and you might not believe what Iím saying but I do mean it. Jim I want to love you and I know youíre hurting too much to accept that right now but maybe someday you will. Thanks, Jim.

Sharon

* * *

Day 4 Time: 21:02 hours

Grantley Iím praying for you. Grantley I have been reading a lot of your webpages and am learning a lot. I am now seeing the importance of loving and accepting each of our alters. I am really trying to love Jim and with the help of Jesus I will someday. I know some of what Jim went through for me and how can I hate him anymore? I e-mailed him a message and I hope he will accept my apology. Take care of yourself Grantley. Thanks

Sharon

* * *

Day 5 Time: 02:14 hours

Iím all mixed up and confused. Is that what you wanted from me? To let my guard down so you can lure me into your trap of deception. Ok, so Iím not separate but it doesnít mean I still donít have a lot of control. I have a question for you. So if your God is powerful then can I be like him? Iíll be honest I wish I wouldnít have to be so in control but Iím afraid of what might happened if I let that control go.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

Hi, Jim!

You wrote:
Iím all mixed up and confused. Is that what you wanted from me.

No, I just want you to understand reality so that you can truly help yourself and others. You have the potential to be a huge help but not even the most intelligent person can truly help if he has been denied some key facts.

Ok so Iím not separate but it doesnít mean I still donít have a lot of control.

Yes. Please excuse me if what Iím about to say seems a dumb question but I really donít know whether you have had a chance yet to get all the facts. Do you know that your father is dead?

So if your God is powerful then can I be like him?

God is not only all-powerful but he is love. This is an amazing combination.

You cannot fervently love someone without aching for that person to love you especially if you know that person desperately needs you in his/her life. To deeply love someone means you could have everything else in the universe, and yet without that personís love you would still be heartbroken. To love is to make oneself so vulnerable that even having unlimited power could not help. Omnipotence could easily force someone to obey you. Or it could produce something like a love potion, causing a person to be under the illusion of loving you. But genuine love can never be compelled. If it involves force or chemicals or deceit or bribery it is a sham, and can never satisfy your yearning for that personís love.

There are things that not even omnipotence can achieve. It cannot, for example, produce a square circle. It can easily turn a circle into a square, but the instant it has straight sides it is not a circle. Likewise, when someone is forced to act in love, it is not genuine love. Even with unlimited power, there is little anyone could do to induce genuine love in a person, other than be loving and wait for a response.

We would be appalled if a man kidnapped a woman and raped and enslaved her because he claims he loves her, wants her as his wife and is convinced he can make her happy. It would be an immoral abuse of power, regardless of whether he used physical force or threats in which case she would be conscious of the violation of her rights or if he used drugs or hypnotism so that she is unaware that what is happening is against her will. Real love respects the desires of the beloved, no matter how much it clashes with the loverís personal longings, and no matter how certain he is that the person would benefit from a lifelong intimacy with him.

Iíll be honest I wish I wouldnít have to be so in control but Iím afraid of what might happen if I let that control go.

I understand. You are a protector alter and you work very hard at it. Have a look at what other protector alters have done and have discovered: To Protector Alters from a Protector Alter

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 5 Time: 03:15 hours

You are so stupid. I am Jim. My father is not dead. Iím him. I told you that Iím mean and bad and evil and I enjoy being that. And what about all that love stuff. I donít understand.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
You are so stupid. I am Jim my father is not dead. Iím him.

I see! This is getting clearer than ever.

You are what is known as an Introject, which is an alter who believes he is his own abuser.

Youíre a smart person so you should be able to see the faulty logic when you say, ďI am my father.Ē Logically, it is impossible for anyone to be their own father.

If you look in a mirror through Sharonís eyes you will see the body of an older woman, not your father

I told you that Iím mean and bad and evil and I enjoy being that.

You have tried hard to convince yourself that you like it Ė because that is how you think your father was Ė but deep down you are actually nice and not like that at all. And it is safe to be nice when anyone relaxes and letís God protect him.

And what about all that love stuff. I donít understand.

It means we respect you and think you are important and care about you and want to be kind to you.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 5 Time: 03:42 hours

To Headless:

You donít get it do you. I am mean. I am meaner than mean. I am the scum of the earth. Iíve been told Iím satan himself. Iím sure you donít want to be friends with me. Grantley is a fool. I conned him into thinking that I bought the thing that Iím a part of Sharon. I am Jim. I am her father.

Jim

* * *

Day 5 Time: 04:39 hours

Hi, Iím so mixed up and confused. One minute there is peace inside and now there is just havoc. Jim is claiming that he is my father. Jim was my fatherís name. My father died on [a specific date in the early 1990s deleted for privacy reasons]. The parts are scared because they now think that he is alive and is the one e-mailing in this group. They donít believe me. They are afraid to share anymore because they think he is monitoring everything that they share. How do I convince them that he is dead? I canít go to the cemetery because that is too dangerous for some of the parts. Can someone give me an answer.

Thanks,

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
How do I convince them that he is dead?

Do you have any newspaper cuttings or can you access them or something similar on line?

* * *

Day 5 Time: 05:34 hours

Thanks so much for the reply and for explaining about Jim. I need to go to bed. I have pneumonia and bronchitis and am too tired to deal with this stuff anymore tonight, I will work on it tomorrow. Take care of yourself too. Thanks for touching my life with who you are, a beautiful person.

Sharon

* * *

Day 5 Time: 19:57 hours

So you say Iím an INTROJECT. Just something that you thought of? WHAT THE *#!%@ IS AN INTROJECT? Explain more about that because I think you are playing games with me. I did look into the mirror and to my horror the mirror deceives me into thinking that youíre right Ė there was an older woman in it. But I donít buy it. And as far as you saying you care for me donít waste your time. I AM POWERFUL. I DO NOT NEED ANYONE. DO YOU HEAR ME. THE ONLY REASON I E-MAIL IS SO I CAN CONTINUE TO MONITOR WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. IN CASE THAT JENNIFER OR ANYONE ELSE E-MAILS HERE AGAIN. GOT TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT. I THINK THAT THEY ARE SCARED. GREAT!!!!!!!!!

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

Hi, Jim!

Great to hear from you again.

You wrote:
So you say Iím an INTROJECT. Just something that you thought of? WHAT THE *#!%@ IS AN INTROJECT?

www.webref.org/psychology/i/introjection.htm ďIn psychoanalytic theory, the unconscious incorporation of the values, attitudes, and qualities of another person into the individualís own ego structure.Ē

www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-dealing-with-ptsd/articles/complex-ptsd-introjects Ė direct quote below:

[I quoted a little more, but it is abridged here] ďIntrojects are alters who were split off to represent outside people, most typically an abuser . . .

Introjects are as convinced as the other parts of the system that they [are] the same as the external people they represent. They think they are separate from the survivors, and separate from the body of the survivor. Many negative introjects will adamantly believe that they could hurt or harm the survivor / host of the system and not be hurt themselves. Introjects typically truly believe they are separate people, but they are, in fact, part of the DID system.

For example, an abusive father introject (paternal introject) is an alter that looks, sounds, feels, acts exactly like your father. In fact, from the perspectives of the inside world, it is hard to tell the difference between the inside father and the outside father.

A father introject will tell you what to do, how to behave, what to say, what to feel (or not feel), the same as your actual outside father. One of the main purposes of a father introject is to control your behavior when you are away from the father with the same intensity as if you were right in front of him.Ē

Explain more about that because I think you are playing games with me.

The above is a direct quote from the website. It wasnít written by me and you can check it for yourself. You will see (above or at the website) that it actually mentions an alter who thinks he is his father.

I did look into the mirror and to my horror the mirror deceives me

Your mind was not deceiving you. When you stayed in your internal world you were able to be deceived because you were not looking at reality but creating a fantasy world in your mind. When you looked through Sharonís eyes you were seeing reality for one of the first times.

I understand how highly confusing this is for you and it will take you a while to get used to it. Thatís okay. It is not your fault that you are confused and were deceived. It happened because of cruel and heartless things that were done to you by your father Ė things you never deserved. He tricked you. Now is the time to get your revenge against him by breaking free from his deception and to escape from thinking you have to be like him and begin to become the wonderful person you really are.

there was an older woman in it.

That is Sharon but it is also you because you share her body and her mind but your mind controls a different part of the brain to that part that she controls and thatís why you both feel like completely different people. This is very confusing and difficult to grasp at first but you are intelligent enough to understand it, even though it will take a while. It seems nuts, but it is reality.

And as far as you saying you care for me donít waste your time.

Time spent helping you is never wasted. You are very important.

I AM POWERFUL

Yes, you are and now that you are beginning to understand more about who you are and who Sharon and the others are, youíll be better able to use that power intelligently to be a real help.

THE ONLY REASON I E-MAIL IS SO I CAN CONTINUE TO MONITER WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.

Excellent! The more aware you are the better.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 5 Time: 21:51 hours

Hi Jim, this is Sharon. I would like to share with you something. First of all Iím working on loving you and you are trying to fight anyone caring for you. I know that you are hurting otherwise you wouldnít have made your presence known to me or the group. Maybe youíre afraid that if someone does love you will get hurt. I donít want to hurt you. Whether you believe it or not you are a part of me and I realize that you were for a long time. I know you just came out recently. I was the older woman you saw in the mirror today. Jim, I donít know how to say this. I donít want you to think that you are not important. You are very important to me. You were there for me years ago. You helped me to survive my horrific childhood. Iím sorry I never acknowledged you before but I didnít know you existed until recently. Also Jim I gently tell you that you are not Jim my father. He died on [a specific date in the early 1990s deleted for privacy reasons]. I went to his funeral and also to his grave site. It is true he is dead. But you arenít because you only have his name. According to Grantley you are all confused and understandably so. I hope you will realize some day how important you are to me. And there is someone else who loves and accepts you and that is Jesus. If you want to know more about Him just let me know. I love you Jim and accept you as you are. Jim I hope you will continue to e-mail Grantley who can help you deal with what I told you about you not being my father. You do exist, Jim and your existence is very important to me. Without you being a part of me makes me less whole. Thanks for letting me share with you Jim. Please feel free to e-mail me too.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

Superb email to Jim, Sharon! You are a real inspiration!

You wrote:
Grantley Iím praying for you.

Thank you. I am exceedingly stressed over all my workload.

I have been reading a lot of your webpages

Thank you so much.

and am learning a lot.

Great!

I am now seeing the importance of loving and accepting each of our alters.

Iím thrilled.

I am really trying to love Jim and with the help of Jesus I will someday.

You will indeed.

I know some of what Jim went through for me and how can I hate him anymore.

Beautiful!

* * *

Day 5 Time: 17:46 hours

Hi Iím so mixed up and confused. All I have been doing is crying. Iím back on the roller coaster ride, one minute up next minute down. It is havoc inside and Iím tired of it all. When will it stop? I wrote a poem expressing how I feel. I would like to share it with the group. Thanks for letting me and thanks for the support.

[The following is abridged]

    Hello tears Ė where are you coming from? I ask
    As you flow down my face.
    Nightmares Ė flashbacks trapped
    Trapped in the confines of my mind.
    No one to stop it
    No escape from it Ė do I find.
    I am so scared
    So scared of me.
    I want to razor-burn my arm
    So from the inner pain I will be set free.
    Oh God Ė where are you
    While Iím in the depth of despair?
    Please hear my pleading scream
    And let me know that you are there Ė and you care.
    Will I live?
    Will I die?
    If I donít try
    Then dead I will lie.
    Razor crimson red blood flowing down my arm
    Burning flesh Ė where are you my friend?
    No more pain Ė no more anguish
    If death were my end.
    Have to stop that thinking that way
    Too much to live for Ė my family Ė too little time.
    But what if they look through the windows of my eyes
    Will they still love me in spite of what they find?
    I want them to be proud of me
    And to one day be able to soar up high in the sky.
    And be free Ė free like a beautiful butterfly
    Life is too short
    Canít give up Ė for you see.
    I want to one day be free
    To be free to be who Sharon was meant to be.

Sharon
* * *

Day 5 Time: 23:34 hours

First of all I want to thank you all for what you have done for me to survive my horrific childhood. And this is also for the parts I donít know about yet in case youíre reading this while I write this. I just want you to know that our father is dead. He died on [a specific date in the early 1990s has been removed]. He cannot hurt you anymore. Jim the one inside is claiming to be our father but he is very confused about his identity. And I hope with the help of Grantley and the group and our therapist and most of all Jesus that Jim will believe one day that he too is a part of us.

Iím sharing this information so that you will all feel free to share whatever you want with me Ė in this group or with Grantley. And you can share it with Jesus too. He is there 24 hours a day. He is never too busy for us. I am working hard on understanding DID so that I can be there for all of you better. I know I wrote a poem earlier today expressing how I was feeling and Iím sorry if I scared anyone by thinking about dying. With the help of Jesus and by listening to Christian music I once again have things in proper perspective. I hope you will understand what I just shared. And donít be afraid to ask me anything about anything. I hope this calmed you down and you are no longer afraid. Thanks once again for being there for me.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
Iím sharing this information so that you will all feel free to share whatever you want with meĖ in this group or with Grantley. And you can share it with Jesus too. He is there 24 hours a day. He is never too busy for us.

Beautifully said, Sharon! I am so very proud of you. You are a winner. Great things are ahead for you. I donít know that I have met anyone who would have coped with the challenges you have found as courageously and wisely as you have. You have my sincere admiration.

* * *

Day 5 Time: 03:21 hours

Hi, Jim. You sound a lot like me. Iím glad youíre talking to Grantley. Man, I canít tell you how many times I yelled at the dude! He will keep talking with you. I guess heís kind of like the energizer bunny. He just keeps going and going and going.

But as much as he made me mad and I would yell at him, he also started making sense to me somewhere along the way. Keep talking to him. Heíll eventually make sense to you too.

By the way, I donít believe youíre mean. I think youíre a lot like me. You are dealing with lots of pain and I dunno.

Talk to yah later. Wanna be friends?

Headless

* * *

Day 6 Time: 00:04 hours

To Headless,

How do you think you can understand me? You donít even know me. Pain Iím not in any pain. And as for loving Sharon, thatís a farce. Right now Iím so very mixed up and confused. Too much things coming to me. Too much information. I just need some time to think. You want me to be your friend but I ask WHATíS IN IT FOR YOU?

Jim [Devil]

* * *

Day 6 Time: 03:58 hours

Yes, I do get it. I get it all too well. There is something that is causing you such excruciating pain and perhaps you are holding a bunch of painful stuff for Sharon. You are doing a marvelous job of trying to protect her from further pain. But denigrating yourself is not helping you. It is you, hurting yourself. Trust me. (Well, you donít have to trust me. You may not be able to at this point in time.)

Iíll just tell you and you can choose to believe me or not. And maybe its time for me to look for a different name because Iím not really headless. I used to think so. But Iím not.

Ok. I used to view myself as headless. And I still get very, very anxious about all the mistakes we make around here. And Iím really worried that I will make a mistake while talking to you. But I also feel your pain so much that I canít help but talk to you.

I donít believe you are mean in the least. And you certainly arenít scum. I believe what Iím telling you so much that I want to be friends with you. I wouldnít be speaking to you if I really believed you were mean and scum.

I believe you really do love Sharon. So much so, that you have taken on a completely separate identity from her so that you can protect her and keep her away from anything resembling what her dad was like. I believe you are attempting to shield her from anything that could even touch her dad. And you are trying so hard to hold onto all of that so that you can keep Sharon safe.

But Jim, you donít have to do that. You can be with Sharon and be safe.

May I ask who told you that you were Satan himself? I donít believe that for a moment. I donít think youíre anything like him at all.

I still wanna be your friend. Is that okay with you? Will you let me?

Headless

* * *

Day 6 Time: 00:08 hours

Read your-e-mail and about introjects. And I read what Sharon e-mailed me earlier. I am just very confused and mixed up now about my identity. Is that what everyone wants out of me?

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

Hi, Jim!

I understand how confusing this is for you. I feel for you. You are not the only person who has had to come to terms with discovering that you are the opposite gender to your body and have a body so different to what you supposed. To see how someone else Ė a friend of mine Ė coped, see I Thought I Was The Opposite Sex!

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 6 Time: 02:03 hours

Grantley, you are in my prayers. Thanks for all you for being there for us and for Jim. Take care of yourself.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
Grantley, you are in my prayers.

Thank you, my friend. Even though I am not well I have got up again to check on you. Every part of you is very important to me.

One thing I suggest to any who doubt that your father has died is to ask them the date and then show them a calendar, newspaper, date on computer etc to prove to them the date. Work out how many years have passed since the date they thought it was and use that to prove how old your father would be if he were still alive.

* * *

Day 6 Time: 18:50 hours

I am satan [Devil] I must be. I am filth I am the scum of the earth. I look in the mirror and thatís what I see. Who am I? I ask. I am a freak. I read your website about being the opposite sex. I donít want to be a woman. I am a male. This is too confusing for me.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
I am satan. I must be. I am filth I am the scum of the earth.

Not at all, dear friend. You are actually a very nice person who will be a great friend and help to others inside you and a great friend to others as well.

I am a male. This is too confusing for me.

Yes, itís very confusing, but you are no freak. You deserve good friends. What happened is that you were so upset and frightened (and with real cause) because of your father and others who were hurting you that you decided that if you were a man Ė and especially if you were your father Ė you would be safer. You became so desperate to be safe that you pretended to be your father and you tried so hard that you ended up convincing yourself.

But now very many years have passed and you have changed so much that you are safe being who you really are and you donít have to let your dad win by acting as if you were him. Itís about time you had some fun and stopped him dominating your life even though he is dead. You deserve it.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 6 Time: 18:33 hours

First of all Iím still praying for you. Are you feeling better?

I just want you to know about Jimmyís concern about Fred. Fred is still alive. He is 86 years old. My dad and mom would be well over 100. My brother was a friend to Fred and he drank and did fishing and other things with my dad. Fred was one of my abusers. I did tell the insiders that Fred was too old to hurt them anymore. And that I am old enough to call for help now, not like in the past.

I want to thank you for being there for all of us especially for Jim. I donít have anyone else to talk about this stuff to other than my therapist. Most of my family believes I am full of demons so I cannot share with them. It is only by the grace that one of my daughters found your site one day. And I thank God for that.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
First of all Iím still praying for you.

Thank you.

Are you feeling better?

I felt a little better for an hour or so but Iím beginning to slide down again.

I did tell the insiders that Fred was too old to hurt them anymore. And that I am old enough to call for help now, not like in the past.

Good. Are there other things you can do to increase the feeling of security? Pray about it.

Most of my family believes I am full of demons

I am so sorry.

one of my daughters found your site one day. And I thank God for that.

Indeed!

* * *

Day 6 Time: 05:32 hours

Hi, Jim.

Thanks for writing me! I think I understand you because you are an alter and I am an alter. You have carried pain for Sharon and I have carried pain for Mary. Our hosts could not have survived without our help.

Jim, I do believe you are in pain. You said you were mixed up and confused. And you have too many things coming at you. That sounds like a painful spot to be in. It is very painful to me to be confused and mixed up. That is one of the things that hurts me the most, is not being able to figure things out.

You said that you need some time to think. Thatís a need that I can understand. I feel that way a lot. And for you to want to figure things out shows that you have a lot of love for Sharon. If you didnít love her, you wouldnít care. And you wouldnít want to invest the time to try and figure things out.

You asked whatís in it for me for us to be friends . . . Well, I get the chance to reach out to you and encourage you and be there for you the same way others have been there for me. I care a lot about you Jim.

Thanks again, for writing! Feel free to write me anytime.

Headless

* * *

Day 6 Time: 19:10 hours

To Headless,

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND? I AM A FREAK. I BELONG IN A CIRCUS SO EVERYONE CAN LAUGH AT ME.

JIM

* * *

Day 6 Time: 20:43 hours

I want to be your friend because I see your pain and nothing would give me more joy than to see you walk through that pain and come out victorious.

You are not a freak and you certainly do not belong in a circus. You, my friend, are going through some of the toughest times of pain and confusion.

I would like to walk alongside you for your journey towards seeing your beauty for what it is.

Jim, I have seen most of your emails. And I see how you are so very careful to direct your frustration and pain and anger at yourself. I see you trying with all your might to shield everyone around you from expressions of anger.

If you ask me (which I know you havenít) I believe you care very deeply for those around you. I believe you strive with everything in you to take care of Sharon.

Such characteristics of caring are no where present in satan. Even if he ever did express care and concern for another (which he never does) it would be fake, hypocritical, and with strings attached to use on his selfish desires.

Jim, my friend, you are not filled with filth. You may be believing a lot of lies that yours and Sharonís dad told you over and over to keep you quiet so that he could do all kinds of filthy things to you. That was a cruel, cruel hoax he played on you.

As for you being male, well thatís another discussion altogether that I donít have time to write about just now. I do have some encouraging things Iíd like to share with you when I get the chance. I just wanted to write you back quickly so you would know that Iím still here and I still want to be friends.

So . . . can we be friends? You may not be ready to answer that. And if you arenít, its ok. I will wait patiently for your reply.

Take care, Jim. I like you a lot.

Headless

* * *

Day 7 Time: 00:21 hours

I am feeling very overwhelmed by everything again I decided to watch a kidís movie for the little ones. And it was good except it triggered some of the insiders. Now I have another part that came out. His name is Muscles. Why are they coming out now? (CRYING) I hurt so bad inside and am so scared. I guess I will have to go inside and see whose hurting. Maybe if they come out again they will share with me their pain. And right now I am going to listen to Christian music so I donít go down. Iím starting to feel depressed again. Thanks.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
I decided to watch a kidís movie for the little ones.

In theory thatís a good idea but your little alters have suffered so much that even little childrenís movies could be far more upsetting to them than to children from a secure background.

His name is Muscles.

This makes sense. It is similar to Jim in that the alter has been trying to convince himself that he is safer because he is masculine and strong and tough. You now have ways to help Muscles understand that he is safe Ė show him which year it is, that your father is dead etc.

Why are they coming out now?

Itís distressing and yet it shows that your alters are gaining confidence in you. They are realizing that at last it seems safe to appear and begin to heal.

This will lead to good things, my friend.

Grantley

* * *

Day 7 Time: 02:58 hours

Hi Iím muscles. I am 8. I am a part of Sharon. She is helping me write this. I was hurting real bad and Sharon went inside and asked us parts who was hurting. I told her it was me. She met me earlier today. I told her the memory that I had when we watched the kidís movie today. (CRYING) I scared right now. Sharon said it was okay to share the memory here. And she reassured me that no one could hurt me again. I will tell the memory now. One day Sharon when she was 8 went to a carnival. She was so excited to go thatís what she is telling me now. She had no recognition of the memory until today. She got sick on the rides and decided to go to the beach which was across the street from the carnival. She was walking down the beach when all of a sudden a group of older boys pushed her to the ground. At that point I came into existence. They beat me up and gang raped me. They left me on the beach to die. (CRYING) On that day I made up my mind that I was going to be strong like a man. I shared enough. Sharon is going to hold me now.

[At the end of the same email]

Muscles, I am so proud of you for what you just shared. (CRYING) Thank you so much for what you have done for me. Muscles thank you for the job that you do inside of trying to protect the other parts. It is very painful for me to hear what happened to you and me. But I know that if we are ever to heal we must go through the pain. I love you.

Sharon

* * *

[To Muscles from Grantley]

Hi, Muscles!

So good to hear from you, my friend!

You wrote:
I am a part of Sharon.

You are smart to understand this.

She is helping me write this.

Sheís a good friend. Sheíd make a good mother, too.

I was hurting real bad and Sharon went inside and asked us parts who was hurting. I told her it was me.

Iím proud of you for telling her. That was brave and smart.

Sharon said it was okay to share the memory here.

Sheís right. There is no need to keep it secret any longer. Secrets get lonely and scary but when we share them they get better.

And she reassured me that no one could hurt me again.

Yes, Iím so pleased that you are safe now. You never, ever deserved to be hurt and now you have what you deserve Ė safety.

They beat me up and gang

How horrible! What terrible boys to do such a thing. They deserved to have been thrown in jail for years for hurting you like that.

On that day I made up my mind that I was going to be strong like a man.

You wanted to be safe so that no one could do that to you again. Iím so pleased that now you are safe like you deserve to be. I would like you to be our friend, Muscles.

Thank you so much, Sharon, for the really brave way you are helping Muscles and other alters. You are an inspiration to us all.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 7 Time: 17:43 hours

I am feeling scared and overwhelmed at what is happening to me. Too much coming at me at once. Besides feeling sick emotionally I am sick physically. I have pneumonia and bronchitis. Woke up this morning feeling very depressed and scared. (CRYING) I think that Iím going crazy. Too many parts to deal with. Not enough strength to carrying on it seems. I cry out to God and not sure if He hears me. But I know His son Jesus loves me and will help me get through the darkness once again if I cry out to Him. Right now I need His light to get me through the darkness. I know Iím not alone and that He is always there for me. I just want to die but I know that that is not the answer. I need prayers and support. Thanks

Sharon

* * *

Day 7 Time: 21:11 hours

I am a *#!%@ freak. I look in the mirror and see an elderly woman. THAT CANíT BE. I AM A MAN INSIDE. DO YOU HEAR ME. I NEED TO BE STRONG AND A WOMAN IS WEAK COMPARED TO A MAN. SOMEONE IS PLAYING TRICKS WITH ME.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
I am a *#!%@ freak.

No, dear friend. You are a survivor Ė a hero who has overcome horrific things that would have killed very many people.

I NEED TO BE STRONG

The very fact that you have survived proves how strong you are. Moreover you have won without being cruel and nasty like your tormentor Ė your father. And because you have won you can at last begin to relax and enjoy life. And Sharon knows God really well. He longs to give you supernatural protection and security Ė far better than any physical strength.

SOMEONE IS PLAYING TRICKS WITH ME.

I understand how confusing it is to you, dear friend. It would be a huge shock for anyone. But even though it has understandably shaken you, you have inner strength and you will cope with this and do well. I believe in you, Jim, and so does God.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 10 Time: 04:51 hours

You talk about your God like He has magic powers. I DONíT THINK SO. SHARON THINKS SHE KNOWS ME, SHE DOESNíT. I DONíT WANT HER TO KNOW ME AS LONG AS SHE KNOWS THAT IíM A MAN AND I AM STRONG. HOW CAN YOUR GOD BE STRONG? HE IS INVISIBLE. I AM A FREAK. I SHOULD BE IN A CIRCUS WHERE EVERYBODY CAN LAUGH AT MY FREAKYNESS. YOU DONíT UNDERSTAND. I MUST REMAIN STRONG.

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
You talk about your God like He has magic powers.

You donít have to be a genius to work out that God is far more powerful than any human.

HOW CAN YOUR GOD BE STRONG? HE IS INVISIBLE.

Being invisible is one of his wonderful powers but it doesnít mean he is not real. He doesnít want to scare you so he wonít force himself on you, but if you ask him to, he is eager to reveal himself to you in a non-threatening way and be your friend.

I AM A FREAK. I SHOULD BE IN A CIRCUS WHERE EVERY BODY CAN LAUGH AT MY FREAKYNESS.

You are a nice person and I would be proud to be your friend.

I MUST REMAIN STRONG.

Thatís okay. I just want to be your friend.

Grantley

* * *

Day 10 Time: 02:05 hours

Hi I need prayers. Feeling overwhelmed with more parts coming out. Donít know how to deal with them all. i am angry at my father for what he and his drunken friends and my brother and sisters for the abuse that they did to me. And for me to end up having to deal with DID in my adult life because of them. Sometimes I wonder why I even try. At times it seems hopeless. I sometimes only have the faith of a mustard seed. Can anyone relate? I need to reach out to Jesus again so I donít go down fast.

Really need support right now. Am feeling better physically. Yesterday I slept off and on during the day. I felt much better today for doing that. Thanks.

Sharon

* * *

[To Sharon from Grantley]

You wrote:
Feeling overwhelmed with more parts coming out.

Iím not surprised. I am astounded at how superbly you are doing. You are showing great courage, wisdom and persistence.

Donít know how to deal with them all.

I am confident that our Lord will continue to empower you.

I am angry at my father

And rightly so. God himself was furious at the atrocious way you were treated.

And for me to ending up for having to deal with DID in my adult life because of them.

Yes but this will turn around for your never-ending glory. Have a look at God Isnít fair? and the pages it leads to.

At times it seems hopeless.

You are a winner. You have had very many highly significant victories of late and you will soon start reaping the benefits.

I sometimes only have the faith of a mustard seed.

Thatís all it takes. Hereís something I know youíve read but a reminder might help:

Take heart from the man exalted as Scriptureís prime example of faith. (Romans 4; Galatians 3:6-9; Hebrew 11:8-19; James 2:21-23) In an early chapter of Genesis, God tells Abraham on two separate occasions that he will give him the land and descendants. (Genesis 12:2,7) Just four verses later we find Abraham humiliating Sarah, denying that she is his wife. In cowardly deceit, he stands dumbly by as Pharaoh marries Sarah and takes her into his harem. (Genesis 12:10-16) Next chapter, God yet again details the promise of land and descendants. (Genesis 13:14-17) Nevertheless, two chapters on, we find Abraham expecting to die childless. For a fourth time God insists he will give Abraham descendants. At last the old fossil believes. The Lord, thrilled with Abrahamís re-found faith, repeats his vow to give him the land. In disbelief, Abraham asks for a sign. (Genesis 15:2-8) With divine patience God dramatically shows the mighty man of faith not only his future descendants, but what will happen to them. In the next chapter we find our faith model throwing away any hope of a miracle from God. He resorts to dubious natural means to forcibly accomplish what God seems unwilling to do. He bypasses his wife and turns to her maid for a baby. (Genesis 16:1-3) Years later, the Lord yet again reaffirms his promise to Abraham and declares that Sarah would conceive. Abraham laughs. He is sure his wife has more potential as an Egyptian mummy than as a Hebrew one. ĎSheís too old. Just bless Ishmael,í is the crux of his reply. (Genesis 17:17-18) Yet the Lord persists. One more time our hero gropes for that slippery fish called faith. Before long, he is again passing off Sarah as his sister, showing more faith in his powers of deception than in Godís integrity. This time it is King Abimelech who almost has a go at impregnating Sarah. (Genesis 20:2-3) Just weeks later, (assuming Genesis 18:10 to 21:2 are in chronological order) she conceived Abrahamís baby.

Faith is not a non-stop flight above reality; itís a fight. What distinguishes people of faith is not how rarely they hit the dirt, but how often they get up again. To be perpetually positive is impossible. The mere attempt embroils us in prayer battles and Abrahamic effort. The enemy often flees to his corner, only to prepare for the next round. You might even have climbed out of the ring, but the reward for getting back in exceeds anything anyone could offer.

ĎLord, increase our faith,í pleaded the disciples.

ĎIf you have faith the size of a mustard seed . . .í came the reply. (Luke 17:5-6)

Perhaps our greatest need is not huge faith, but to fully use our small faith. Perhaps we miss out because we devalue our faith, not using it to the fullest because we wrongly imagine that tiny faith is too insignificant to move the hand of God. If faith is more valuable than gold, (1 Peter 1:7) the merest speck is too precious to despise. Do not let feelings of inadequacy strangle your faith. Just keep pressing on. Past greats achieved much with floundering faith. So can you.

Like everyone, my faith levels fluctuate. Usually I am aware that a few moments dwelling on faith-building truths or squashing negative thoughts would boost my faith a little, but I foolishly let myself remain at a lower faith level than I know I am capable of. I have failed to take faith as seriously as Scripture does. If it is as valuable as Scripture affirms, then only a fool would pass up an opportunity to slightly increase it. If our Lord valued faith at a dollar, then a one percent increase is not worth bothering about. What can you do with a cent? If common faith is of immense value, however, everything changes. On a million dollars, one percent is $10,000 Ė well worth a little effort!

Am feeling better physically.

Iím so pleased!!!

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 11 Time: 15:22 hours

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THIS FREAK? WHY DO OTHERS IN THE GROUP WANT TO BE FRIENDS? IS IT ALL FOR YOUR PLEASURE OF BEING ABLE TO LAUGH AT ME? I DONíT UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR GOD. PLEASE TELL ME WHY HE WOULD HAVE EVEN MADE ME. WHY DO I EVEN EXIST.

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THIS FREAK?

Because you are not a freak. You are a beautiful person that I would feel honored to have as a friend. Just as you are not Jim, even though it seemed so certain to you that you were, so you are not a freak, even though it seems at present to you that you are.

I DONíT UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR GOD. PLEASE TELL ME WHY HE WOULD HAVE EVEN MADE ME. WHY DO I EVEN EXIST.

You are precious to God and he longs to lavish his blessings upon you. It broke his heart when your Dad treated you the horrific way that he did and he longs to heal you from all the pain and distress and confusion it has caused you. The only thing stopping him is that because he is not an abuser he will not force himself upon you. He is desperate to help but is forced to wait for you to give him your permission. You truly can trust him. He is safe and kind and gentle.

Bless you, my friend!

Grantley

* * *

Day 12 Time: 17:04 hours

I want to believe that you really want to be my friend but what if itís just a joke? I still need to be in control. Iím not sure about your God either. Sharon is trying to get me to know about your and her God and about his son named Jesus. Who is he? She said he died on the cross for all of our sins. I did too many bad things for him to forgive me. Why would you like to be my friend when you know nothing about me and of all the mean and sadistic things that I did? Once you know about that you will think otherwise about being my friend.

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
I did too many bad things for him to forgive me.

No, my friend. In fact, God is particularly close to those who feel that way. It is the hypocrites who think they are good who sadden him. Those who look to him for forgiveness fill him with compassion and he longs to cleanse them and exalt them. God is totally selfless and longs to transform people and make them people of beauty and usefulness, but his longing is continually frustrated by people not letting him help them. He joyfully rushes to the aid of those who let him help.

Why would you like to be my friend when you know nothing about me

I know a fair bit about you now, but my longing to be your friend is not based on you being good but on the fact that you are infinitely important to God and he sees you as someone who with him can achieve great things. What you have done in the past means nothing to me because the moment you ask Godís forgiveness, he wipes all that away and makes you as if you had never done it.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 12 Time: 18:35 hours

I am so mixed up and confused. The [date deleted] of this month is the anniversary of my fatherís death. I am very frightened for that day to come. Every year when that day came we went to the cemetery to torch our self. But we never completed the act, only by the grace of God. I am having flashbacks and losses of time. I also am having body memories. When I eat it all taste like gasoline. My father would pour gasoline over my pets and set them on fire and then would pour gasoline over me and threatened to do the same to me. I donít want to eat now. I donít want to sleep either. But I know that Iím having flashbacks even during the day time. I feel like Iím in a maze and canít find my way out. I wrote a poem expressing how I feel being in that maze. I would like to share it with the group.

    [Slightly abridged]

    THE MAZE!

    I find myself in a maze
    Not sure which way Iím going Ė for you see.
    Iím so mixed up and confused
    That dead I want to be.

    I search and search
    To find my way out.
    But the more I search
    I end up feeling doubt.

    So I continue on my journey in the maze
    Never knowing where Iím going Ė for you see.
    There are too many turns and dead ends
    Too scary for me.

    Monsters are in the maze
    Monsters from my past.
    They try to engulf me
    To find my way out is my task.

    As I continue in the maze
    My soul is scared deep.
    Because in the maze
    My scarlet red rage Ė seeps.

    I want out of the maze
    Too frightened I am Ė but you see.
    I realize that Iím not alone
    That Jesus is in the maze with me.

    He will help me out of the darkness
    The darkness of the maze Ė for you see.
    He helped me before Ė so many times
    Because He loves me.

    So today I will reach out
    Reach out to Jesus Ė to set me free.
    Free from the maze
    Where once again life will be Ė for me.

Sharon

* * *

Day 10 Time: 01:23 hours

jim my name is punk. i am an alter of Mary. headless told me about you. do you no her? i merged with enchanted. she is anuther alter of Mary. i do not rite much becos i am part of enchanted now. but i wanted to seperat long enuf to rite to you. you see i had to be ruff and tuff. i had to be a boy so i culd protect enchanted and keep Mary safe. i stood gard all day and nite most of the time.

i was the first to rite grantley after Mary rote. i used to ball my fist at God and yell at him. i told him i was not going to let him hurt Mary or enchanted ever agin. when i started riting to grantley i thot i was a bad boy becos i did not beleeve in God. grantley hleped me to see that the god i thot was god was not him at all.

and one day enchanted and i made frends with the reel God. the reel God hleped me also to see that it was not my job to stand gard all day and nite. it was his Gods job to keep us safe.

when i met and made frends with the reel God i also found out that he likes to play. enchanted and i hav played lots of games with him. and he is fun.

God also tot me that i do not hav to be a boy to stay safe. one day i desided that i was a girl. i gru my hare long. enchanted did not like that so i cut it off for her. but i am still a girl. that is okay with enchanted.

i still like boy things. i like stomping in mud puddels and bilding forts and climing trees and other boy things. i am a tom boy.

enchanted likes reely girly things. she likes curly hare and pretty cloths and stuf like that. i have lerned that it is ok for enchanted to like thos things and enchanted has lerned that it is ok for me to like boy things.

jim you do not hav to protect Sharon any more. God will do that. he wants you to play and hav fun and injoy Sharon.

hedles wanted me to rite to you. i hop it is ok that i rote. if you want we can be frends. also grantley is one of the best frends you can hav to. jesus is reely fun to. even tho jesus nos everything he still plays hide and seek with me and enchanted. and we laf and he hugs us and every thing. jesus is the best frend to hav.

i hav to go.

punk.

* * *

Day 12 Time: 21:55 hours

TO HEADLESS AND PUNK

Why would you like to be friends with someone like me? I did a lot of mean and sadistic things. You donít even know me.

JIM

* * *

Day 12 Time: 04:42 hours

Jim, I want to be friends with you because I know you want to do what is best for Sharon. I want to do what is best for Mary. I never knew, honestly, just how bad I was hurting until I started reading what you were writing.

You see, I see you trying so hard to hold it together. I tried so hard to hold it together too. Only I thought part of me holding it together was for me to die. I knew I made a LOT of mistakes and most of the time I thought I WAS a mistake. And I carry all of Maryís mistakes and all those of everyone who lives with her.

Jim, I know you want to be strong and that you have Sharonís best intentions at heart. I can see it clearly because I have Maryís best intentions at heart. If only I can carry all her mistakes, then everything will be alright. Right? Unfortunately Iím not able to carry all of them. They are too heavy.

I donít know what the solution is to that problem either.

Jim, I donít think you are mean. I just think you want to do right by Sharon. And I donít know what sadistic is. So I canít comment on that.

Hey, can I tell you something? I think that Iíd like to make friends with Jesus. And if you would like to come with me, we could go together and make friends with Him.

I have to go for now. I will try to write again soon.

Headless

* * *

Day 13 Time: 04:44 hours

I have been reading all of the e-mails in this group. And there is a lot said about this so called Jesus. And you told me that he forgives sinners like me. Is this really true? Sharon says all I have to do is ask him for forgiveness. But if I do, will I still be able to be in control? And will I someday not be a man inside? I donít want to be weak. Grantley, I would like you to be my friend. You seemed pretty honest and caring. But once I share my stories will you be that for me?

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
I have been reading all of the e-mails in this group. And there is a lot said about this so called Jesus. And you told me that he forgives sinners like me. Is this really true?

Yes. I understand how difficult this is to believe because most people give up on bad people and are selfish. Jesus is so very different. He is Godís Son and came from heaven. He really cares for people and it is him who makes us different and makes us want the best for you and not be concerned about any bad things you might have done in the past.

Sharon says all I have to do is ask him for forgiveness.

You can trust Sharon. She truly knows Jesus. He is her friend.

I donít want to be weak.

With Jesus you will be stronger and safer than ever before.

Grantley I would like you to be my friend.

Thank you, Jim! That makes me feel really warm inside. I count it a great honor to be your friend.

But once I share my stories will you be that for me.

I would very much love to hear your stories and to prove how nothing you have done in the past affects my respect for you. As far as I am concerned, the past has totally gone because Jesus forgives it all. There is, however, an unfortunate problem if anything you did is against the law and you are not ready to tell the police. I want to forget about it all but unfortunately the police donít want to forget and the whole group read these emails and as much as we hate it we are forced to obey the law and the law might force us to tell police. So please keep quiet about anything that might be of interest to police but I would love and respect you no matter what bad things you might have done.

Bless you!

Grantley

* * *

Day 13 Time: 05:28 hours

I donít even know where to begin. I came into existence when Sharon was 2 and have been there until she was 18 1/2. I was forced to kill her pets in whichever way that her daddy told me to do. I thought if I was like him that I could be powerful. I hated being mean and doing those mean things but I knew if I didnít do what he said Sharon would have died. I was forced to hurt her brother too. (CRYING) Grantley deep down inside I didnít want to be mean and sadistic but I was scared. I was scared we would die if I didnít do what he said. I continued to act like him so as to survive. Does any of this make any sense to you? Daddy did mean things to me. I took the beatings and the burnings that her daddy did to Sharon. I was beaten with chains and there is so much more but Iíve shared enough. I hope you will still be my friend.

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
I came into existence when Sharon was 2 and have been there until she was 18 1/2.

Wow! You have seen a lot of horror Ė horror that no one should have to suffer.

I was forced to kill her pets in whichever way that her daddy told me to do.

This in no way makes you a bad person. It was forced on you. Your father used it as a way of terrorizing you and if you had not been horrified by what you did, it would not have affected you. Your father forced you to do this because he knew you had a tender, compassionate heart.

I hated being mean and doing those mean things but I knew if I didnít do what he said Sharon would have died.

Yes. Alters are often formed as a result of being put in a no win situation and abusers chose these impossible situations so that no matter what the person does the victim will be filled with regret and feel guilty over what she had to do.

Grantley deep down inside I didnít want to be mean and sadistic

I completely believe you.

I was scared we would die if I didnít do what he said.

Yes, and your father did everything he possibly could to ensure you were terrified out of your mind.

Does any of this make any sense to you.

Perfectly.

Daddy did mean things to me.

Yes.

I took the beatings and the burnings that her daddy did to Sharon.

Sharon is right in thanking you for this.

I hope you will still be my friend.

Absolutely. I see you as a hero and as someone who can be empowered by God to be a huge blessing to very many people.

Proud to be your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 13 Time: 14:07 hours

Jim, Iím so proud of you for what you have shared. I thank you for what you did to help me survive my horrific childhood. Jim Iím so sorry that you had to experience what you did for me. (CRYING) Jim, God loves you and so do I. Iím glad that you accepted Grantley as your friend. You are not alone. Jesus is there for you. I encourage you to accept Him in your heart.

Sharon

* * *

Day 13 Time: 16:15 hours

To Grantley & Jim

Grantley, can you please tell me what happens when we give Jesus all our mistakes? I mean, its a LOT to give him. I want to give them to Jesus and I know about the cross. I just canít figure out how all that works. I also want to say that I do not wish to die anymore. I wish I could say that. The reason I canít quite say that right now is that I donít understand how Jesus can make things better about my mistakes and Maryís mistakes. When you make mistakes, it hurts lots of people. And I feel like I have hurt a lot of people.

And Grantley, if I died, then I couldnít be friends with Jim. Thank you for the last email you wrote to Jim. I wanted to find words to help him feel better and I didnít know how. You said exactly what I wanted to say, only better than I could.

Jim, Iím right there with you in wanting to be friends with Jesus. And, Jim, please know that I care very deeply about you. Iíve seen you write that you fear that I and others will laugh at you. Jim, I will never knowingly do anything like that at all. I wonít laugh at you. You are a very special person to me. I want to be very good friends with you. I will wait for you. Whenever you are ready.

Headless

* * *

[To Headless from Grantley]

Hi, Headless!

You wrote:
Grantley, can you please tell me what happens when we give Jesus all our mistakes? I mean, itís a LOT to give him.

Jesus has borne the sins of the entire world. Itís already been done but he doesnít force us. We simply have to agree to the fact that he has already died for our sins. You have wanted to die. Jesus has already died for you. So anything you thought you could achieve through dying he has already achieved Ė and more Ė for you.

And Grantley, if I died, then I couldnít be friends with Jim.

Yes, you being friends with Jim is an example of the good you can now achieve because of Jesus and of the good things that can now begin happening to you.

Thank you for the last email you wrote to Jim. I wanted to find words to help him feel better and I didnít know how.

You have done extremely well with Jim. Thank you for caring so much for him.

* * *

Day 15 Time: 02:47 hours

How do I deal with all of the horrific things that happened to me for Sharon? I still feel like a freak, a man in a female body. Will that ever change for me? Iím tired of hurting. I just think it would be better if I ended it. Then no more pain, no more flashbacks no more self-loathing. I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF *#!%@. I BELONG IN A MANURE PILE WITH THE PIGS. I HATE MYSELF. MY DAD WAS RIGHT, I AM NO GOOD. I AM SATAN HIMSELF. I AM BAD AND EVIL. IíVE DONE BAD THINGS. SOMEONE, PLEASE DO YOU EVEN CARE. I DONíT NO MORE. TODAY MY DAD DIED IN [a year in the 1990s has been removed]. I AM JUST LIKE HIM.

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
How do I deal with all of the horrific things that happened to me for Sharon. I still feel like a freak, a man in a female body. Will that ever change for me.

Things will get better and better for you, dear friend. Your father greatly messed with your mind by the horrific things he did but you will fully heal. Healing is a process but you are already well on the way. For example, you have no longer been duped into thinking that you are your father. You are now free to be the person you really are, which is someone nice.

Iím tired of hurting

Of course you are.

I just think it would be better if I ended it.

Your pain will end. God wants so much for it to end and he wants you to let him heal you. His way, however, is that the pain end and your father loses i.e. that instead of your father crushing you, you enjoy life and become a huge blessing to other people.

I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF *#!%@.

No, that is believing your fatherís lies.

I BELONG IN A MANURE PILE WITH THE PIGS.

No. You have a beautiful heart and can achieve great things with God.

MY DAD WAS RIGHT I AM NO GOOD.

No one who hurts little children like he did is right. He was extremely wrong in what he did and in what he said.

I AM BAD AND EVIL

Not when you let God make you a new, good, beautiful person.

TODAY MY DAD DIED IN [year deleted]. I AM JUST LIKE HIM.

You are nothing like him. Who will you choose to believe: the all-powerful God who cannot lie or your father?

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 15 Time: 13:40 hours

Jim, I am so sorry you are hurting so bad. Iím proud of you, Jim, as far as you have come. With time we will heal. Donít give up. If you die we all die. Jim, I will pray for you that you will someday feel like a woman. That will take time but like Grantley said you have come to accept that you are not my father, that is a big step. Jim, thanks for all you have done for me. I love you.

Sharon

* * *

Day 16 Time: 05:04 hours

I want to believe you so bad about the things you have said to me. But Iím scared that maybe itís not all true and then the hope I might have felt will be blown away. When will it get better? I know that Sharon is really trying hard to work with me. Iím glad that she joined this group.

JIM

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
I want to believe you so bad about the things you have said to me. But Iím scared that maybe itís not all true and then the hope I might have felt will be blown away.

I understand but what I say is true and if you donít believe it you will be robbing yourself of so much peace and healing.

When will it get better?

Healing is a long journey. You will experience improvements long before full healing and you will seem to experience setbacks from time to time, not because of you but because of new alters who surface and are not as healed as you. But donít take my word for it, talk to God about it. He doesnít lie and he knows everything.

I know that Sharon is really trying hard to work with me.

Yes, Iím pleased that she is. You deserve it.

Iím glad that she joined this group.

Me too, and I feel honored to know you.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 19 Time: 19:28 hours

[From Headless to the Group]

TOO MANY MISTAKES IN JUST ONE MINUTE!!! I NEED TO DIE!!!

MARY HAD TO GET AN RX FILLED. I SAW SOMEONE SHE KNEW AND CALLED HIM BY A DIFFERENT NAME. TWO TIMES. I SAID SOMETHING MARY DIDNíT LIKE.

I COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PHARMACIST WAS SAYING TO US. I MUTTERED UNDER MY BREATH. MARY LOOKED LIKE AN INSANE PERSON.

I WALKED AROUND MUTTERING UNDER MY BREATH. I WAS AUDIBLE TO OTHERS.

EMBARRASSED. WE SEE THIS MAN IN OTHER PLACES ALL THE TIME.

I SLAPPED MARY IN THE FACE FIVE TIMES EACH SIDE. HARD!!! I NEED TO DIE. SHE WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT ME.

I LOST OUR CAR. I DONíT KNOW WHAT IíM DOING HERE. I NEED TO GO.

MARY NEEDS TO COME BACK. I NEED HER TO BE HERE. PLEASE! I NEED TO DIE, RIGHT NOW!!!

* * *

Day 19 Time: 19:34 hours

Hi Headless this is Jim. I am so sorry you are feeling the way that you are. Please do not die then all of you die. And then I would not have you as a friend and that would make me feel sad. I will pray for you.

JIM

* * *

Day 25 Time: 14:37 hours

Grantley it has been sometime since I shared anything. I want you to know that I accepted Jesus on Sunday. Sharon is so happy for me. I have a problem and would like to know from you how to solve it. Sharon has 2 other parts that were like me: George and Earl. They are really causing a lot of havoc of late. I am trying to get them to change their ways like I did. And they just think that Iím a traitor and a wimp. But I want them to know that they can have power besides being mean. I remember when I thought that in order to have power I had to be mean. Right now they are really angry at me for sharing this and I hope they donít cause anything mean against Sharon. Maybe I shared enough. I would appreciate your advice in this matter. Thanks Grantley for being there for me and Sharon.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

Hi, Jim!

Iím thrilled to hear from you again! Iíd love to be writing many more emails to the group but sadly there are only 24 hours in the day and it seems to me that I could better help the group by writing more webpages and that is something that takes me a huge amount of time. Nevertheless, my eyes lit up when I saw your name in the subject line because you have become especially dear to me and Iím keen to write to you.

You wrote:
I want you to know that I accepted Jesus on Sunday.

Wow! Iím over the moon! Congratulations, Jim!!!

I have a problem and would like to know from you how to solve it.

Thank for you sharing with me.

I am trying to get them to change their ways like I did.

Well done!

And they just think that Iím a traitor and a wimp.

I am so sorry you are suffering this misunderstanding from these dear alters. They donít realize as yet how much strength and courage it takes to stop being mean and that being mean is really the wimpy way.

But I want them to know that they can have power besides being mean.

Yes Ė supernatural power. The power of Almighty God.

Right now they are really angry at me for sharing this

I admire your courage. What George and Earl most need is patience and kindness, like I showed you. They will come round, just like you did, even though Ė as you did (but I didnít believe it!) Ė they are likely to give the impression that they are beyond hope.

Dear God, I thank you so very much for Jim and the beautiful things you are doing in his life. I praise you that you are making him so strong and courageous and someone I am very proud to call my friend. Help my dear friend to always know that by going your way he is doing the smart thing and choosing the safest and best possible course.

I pray for dear George and Earl. My heart breaks to think of how cruelly they have been treated and how much they have suffered. Help them to realize how much it breaks your heart, too, and how much you long to bear their pain and bring them safety and peace and joy. Help them to realize that they are now safe.

Give Jim much patience, wisdom and gentleness in being their friend. May he listen patiently to them and get to know their pain even though it hurts him to hear of it. May he thank them for what they did in bearing that pain and help them to realize that they no longer have to do this alone.

Dear Jim, your story is so amazing and inspiring. It would help many people to hear of the way you discovered that you are not your father and how you have begun to enjoy the beautiful life that God has planned for you. I deeply respect you and will do nothing without your permission and if you agree I will change names to completely preserve your confidentiality, but could I have your permission to make into a webpage the emails you and I have exchanged? It would be a lot of work for me but I believe it is important. As I said I believe it would help many people but I will do nothing without your full approval.

Your friend,

Grantley

* * *

Day 26 Time: 19:34 hours

Grantley, I would agree for you to use me as an example in your webpage. If it will help others that would make me feel good. I feel honored to have you as a friend.

Jim

* * *

[To Jim from Grantley]

You wrote:
I would agree for you to use me as an example in your webpage. If it will help others that would make me feel good.

Wow! Thank you so very much. I believe it will help many people.

I feel honored to have you as a friend.

Thatís how I feel about you. :)

* * *

Day 27 Time: 01:03 hours

[In response to an e-mail by someone elseís alter]

Hi Robert, I am Jim, a part of Sharon. Iím sorry you feel the way you do about yourself. I too felt the same way about myself. I thought I was from the pit of mire. And I thought I was a freak and a worthless pile of *#!%@. But with the help of Grantley and the group and with the help of Jesus, I no longer feel that way. I now know that Iím of worth. I, too, did unthinkable things and hated myself for it but learned that I was forced to do those things in order for Sharon to survive her horrific childhood. I will pray for you that you will one day soon see all of the lies that were told to you. Please feel free to e-mail me if you want to share anything with me or if you have any questions to ask me.

Jim

* * *

Post Script

Sharon and her alters are continuing to heal. The following, for example, is from George, who had earlier regarded Jim as a traitor and a wimp.

Day 65

I want to thank all of you who e-mailed me. I want to thank you for being there for me. And thanks for not judging me for what I shared. I am so blessed to be a part of Sharonís [inner] family. I know I wasnít always there for them but now I see the light.

I want you all to know that I have accepted Jesus in my heart today. I feel so warm inside. I now know what it feels like to not be alone and that He is always there for us and to realize how much I am loved by Jesus. It feels so good. I know I am forgiven for my sins. I know He loves and accepts me.

I am really sorry that I didnít e-mail individually the ones that e-mailed me but I didnít want to exclude anyone.

Although the abuse happened when I was five years old, in reality I know Iím older now and that years have gone by since we were abused, and that we donít have to worry about being abused again.

Thanks again for everything and for this group.

George

* * *

Related Webpages

Real-Life Counseling a Demon-Possessed Pedophile Alter

Angry, Bad, Mean, Nasty Alters (Insiders)

© 2011, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net  Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author.


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