Gender Confusion & Dissociative Identity Disorder

Help for Opposite Sex Alters (Insiders)


When Alters Think They are the Opposite Sex



Christian Insights

by

Grantley Morris 

 

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It is common for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (also known as Multiple Personality Disorder) to have parts (known as alters or insiders) who are convinced they are the opposite sex to their real (external) body. My understanding of what is involved has recently been shaken up but let’s start with what I already knew and applies to most people. Years ago, I wrote:

    Alters of the opposite sex to their physical body are typically formed, not because of any homosexual tendencies, but solely because of the need to feel safe. One can well understand abused children supposing that being the opposite sex would lower their chances of further abuse and so wish they were that gender. Both boys and girls can reach this conclusion and, in the case of their particular abuser, they are often right. Additionally, if children are sexually abused by a member of the same sex, it can be expected to affect their sexual identity and they might even be labeled by their abuser as being the opposite sex. Given the power of a traumatized child’s imagination, it is not surprising that some desperate alters under such pressure completely take on this false identity and genuinely believe they are the oppose sex.

    Some alters have so little body awareness that they believe their real body is fully the opposite gender to what it really is. Not surprisingly, sexual confusion results, but this can be resolved by helping them realize that there is no need for them to be their imaginary gender in order to be safe or loved.

    Preferably, only after ensuring they realize that their safety and acceptance is not at stake, should the actual gender of their bodies be pointed out to them. This delay is desirable because knowing their real gender is likely to be a significant shock to them, and one that would be most disturbing without helping them understand this does not put them in danger. Great care should be taken in dealing with this sensitive issue. Even without safety concerns, imagine your reaction if you were to discover that you are not the gender you had always thought you were.

Recently, however, I met an alter who opened my eyes to additional forces that can keep alters tricked and trapped in gender confusion beyond what I had already seen. I thought I’d seen it all but I was headed for more than one surprise.

Hush, a male alter in a female body, wrote to me saying he was thinking about becoming a girl and asking several questions about it. In my reply I launched into my usual spiel that has helped others:

    You were forced by your abusers into unbearable and unnatural situations and the result was that you came to see yourself as a boy. This happens to many alters and the reason varies from alter to alter. In some cases it’s because alters have a desperate need to feel strong and to feel safe and it seems to them that if they were male they would be tougher and perhaps less likely to be abused. So they imagine really hard that they are boys in order to feel that bit better. An alter’s imagination is so powerful that they can come to believe what they imagine.

    The truth, however, is that no matter how much your imagination convinces you that you are male, it cannot change your outside body, so it doesn’t actually make you any stronger or safer. Moreover, an adult woman is far stronger than a boy, and your outside body is now that of a strong woman, and because police are more likely to believe adults than children abusers are more frightened of adults. This means you are actually stronger and safer than you imagine. Furthermore, all of your abusers have now left. In other words, the need for you to see yourself as a boy has gone.

    Another possible reason for alters seeing themselves as the opposite gender is that abusers made them do things as if they were the opposite gender. But those awful people are no longer around and they won’t make you do such things ever again.

    Yet another possibility is that abusers demand that certain alters think of themselves as being the opposite gender, but you are no longer subject to those people and you no longer need let them determine any aspect of your life.

    “Is it possible to turn back to a girl?” you asked me. Yes, very much so. You really are a girl, so all that it takes is for you to want to be a girl and believe it and it will happen. If you don’t want to be a girl, it’s because you don’t realize how safe and how cool it is to be one. That’s okay. Feel free to talk it over with me.

    It’s extremely confusing for you at present and I feel for you. I know you are amazingly capable, however, and you can come to terms with this. Please remember that God wants to rob you of nothing. He wants only for you to find more fulfillment than ever.

    “Why can’t boys live inside of girls?” you asked. Obviously, you do, except that you are not really a boy – you just think you are – and, since you are one of many parts of the same person, it ends up confusing for other parts of you. In many ways, you and the others can all pull in the same direction and achieve great things together, but with regard to gender you would be disunited and pulling in the opposite direction to most of the others. It would end up weakening all of you in this area, instead of strengthening all of you. There is no pressure, however. This is just something for you think about.

    God made you a girl and your abusers turned you into a boy. To reverse their evil schemes and see yourself as a girl is a way of getting back at those who hurt you and having victory over them.

Hush already had certain advantages. He had some fellow alters who used to be male and were now fully female. He also knew all about the astounding ability of alters to transform what they regard as their body (what they look like in their inner world to themselves and to their fellow alters). In fact, he had seen some of his fellow alters instantly change, just for fun, into a giant bug or a cloud or some such thing, and then just as quickly and effortlessly change back again. Moreover, through observing his female host he knew how amazingly strong and capable females can be.

However, although Hush had role models – fellow alters who had formerly seemed male but now saw themselves as female – most of these alters had been formed more or less accidentally. In contrast, Hush was formed as a direct result of Satanic Ritual Abuse. SRA, whether Satanic Ritual Abuse – involving the worship of Satan – or merely Sadistic Ritual Abuse, is more insidious than other types of abuse that end up producing alters. One of the hallmarks of SRA is that alters are not formed merely as an accidental by-product of abuse. On the contrary, these abusers have accumulated considerable knowledge of Dissociative Identity Disorder and deliberately create alters.

From what Hush next told me, it seems his abusers apparently wanted to specifically produce a male alter. I conclude this because they not only forced him to molest other girls in their charge but the abusers combined it with the atrocious lie that for a boy to molest a girl was less morally despicable than if a girl did it. In fact, they claimed that for a little girl to do it to another girl was an unforgivable abomination that would damn her to hell but it was acceptable for a boy to perform that atrocious act.

As would be expected from people sexually abusing children, their ludicrous assertions are totally contrary to God’s morality. It is outrageous to claim that a sex crime is less appalling if the performed on the opposite sex, and it is insulting to our holy Lord, who died for the sins of the entire world, to suggest that some sexual sins are beyond the power of Christ’s sacrifice to cleanse. If you have the slightest doubt about this, please see immediately Homosexuality & Lesbianism: Forgivable Abomination? Compassionate Bible Insights into Same-Sex Sin.

The gender issue was the final straw that threatened to tip Hush over the edge, but even without it, he was so overwhelmed with guilt that he felt that by what he had been forced to do to girls, he has grievously sinned, not just against individuals, but against all of humanity. His tortured conscience based this devastating conclusion on the fact that each girl he had touched was someone else’s daughter, sister, niece, cousin – in fact, through Adam and Eve, he saw each one as being related to every other human and that he had therefore hurt and rightly incurred the wrath of every man, woman and child on the planet.

I told Hush that, because of Jesus, his sin is nowhere to be found, and I backed my claim with the following words from God. Your eye can quickly slide over them but if you take time to prayerfully ponder them you will discover just how powerful they really are:

    Psalm 103:12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

    Isaiah 1:18 Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow . . .

    Isaiah 43:25 I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more

    Micah 7:19 You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

    Jeremiah 50:20  . . . search will be made for Israel’s guilt, but there will be none, and for the sins of Judah, but none will be found, for I will forgive

    Isaiah 43:18-19 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

    2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

    Philippians 3:13-14 . . . But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

    Hebrews 8:12 For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

    1 John 1:7 . . . the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

For many more such scriptures, see It’s True! You’re Forgivable: Bible Proof but first note the web address of this page so that you can return here.

Anyhow, what I have proved as nonsense – that Hush would be unforgiveable if he were a girl – is the very thing this child was being taught by her school teachers in a Christian school, and they used torture to beat into her their instance that they were always right. Not surprisingly, the terrified little alter accepted this unbiblical garbage as truth and believed she had no moral choice – and no chance of avoiding hell – unless she became a boy. So she convinced herself that she was a boy and when I began conversing with her, she was terrified of the spiritual consequences of seeing herself as a girl. Of course, I explained how contrary to the Word of God these teachers’ lies were but the way this alter’s gender transformation occurred took me by surprise.

The host – the mature alter, known to the little alters as Momma, who is most often in charge of the body – told me what happened immediately after receiving my email to Hush:

    After your email I got one and a half hour’s sleep and had a vivid dream that Hush might be being tormented by a demon. I woke and thought I ought to go to camp [her inner world is modelled on a wonderful holiday camp she went to when young]. Usually I can just imagine camp and I’m there, but this time a white wall blocked the way. I tried calling out to the alter who is my second-in-charge but my words went nowhere. I asked Jesus what to do. He replied it was demons playing havoc and that I needed to deal with them. So I used the usual speech I give demons. “I am a daughter of the One True King and I stand in his authority. You are no longer welcome here! You must leave!” Then I tried going to the camp but although the wall was more permeable I was still unable to get a full picture of the camp. Jesus said to do it again. This time it improved still more. After yet another time I was able to push through. I found the camp filled with smoke and overrun by a driving wind.

    I found my second-in-charge. She said everyone was safe, though coughing. The chaos had begun as soon as I went to sleep but she had been unable find me. We went to the camp chapel and all the furniture had been thrown to the edges of the room. In the center, however, was a table with Hush chained to it, screaming in pain. Around him were four powerful demons carving symbols into his flesh. They felt much stronger than other demons I had dealt with. Three times I told the demons to leave but I was getting nowhere. So I told them if they didn’t leave I would call Jesus in. They stayed. I called Jesus. He shone on them the most brilliant light I have ever seen. The demons ran fast and far. The chains holding Hush broke, and a little girl ran to me, threw herself at me and said, “Momma! You rescued me!”

    “I had nothing to do with it,” I replied. “Jesus did it.”

    “My name is Lucifer” she said. “That’s what they called me. I like ‘Lucy’ better. I was trapped in that boy body. I tried really hard to get out but the demons held me. But now I’m in a girl’s body. I wanted this for so long.”

    Then Lucy looked to Jesus and said, “Thank you Jesus! I love you!” and gave him a big hug.

afterward, I asked Hush, who now calls herself Lucy, to share her side of the story. She said:

    Those demons were always with me. The bad guys [the SRA abusers] made it that way so that I was always a servant of Satan. If I didn’t stay a boy and say I was a servant of Satan, the demons would come and torture me. It was really bad. But I saw Momma being so big and strong, even though she is a girl, and you said that Jesus would forgive me for touching girls. I wanted so bad to be a girl that I tried really hard to be one, even though I knew it would mean getting hurt.

    Then Momma came and she scared the demons and they stopped hurting me and just looked at me. Then Jesus came and his light was so bright that he scared all the demons away just by the light. I guess he really is the light in the darkness.

    Now I don’t have to be afraid of being in the light because I am free; I am really free. I’ve never felt like this before. It’s like a warm blanket. Momma says it’s called peace. I love peace. I walked out in the sun and saw people and didn’t cry at all. My face even curved up. Momma says that’s a smile. I didn’t know that either. Things are all different and better! You were right!

    My name means light bringer. Jesus says that’s what I am. I’m a light bringer. That’s my new identity. I want to bring everyone his light. It brings peace. Everyone should have it. The name also helps me remember that I was Lucifer before but now I am different forever. Now I’m a light bringer. Remember the part of the Bible you quoted that lists all that bad stuff and then says “that is what some of you were” [1 Corinthians 6:9-11]? It’s like that. I was all that bad stuff. I was Lucifer. But now I’m light bringer. Now I’m Lucy.

Important Things I’ve Learned from Hush/Lucy

It is common for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder to be unconcerned about their alters’ gender, and since so many different things can be simultaneously tormenting someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder, it can indeed often be best not to give it top priority. Nevertheless, gender affects so much of our identity, and God’s Word indicates that gender issues are important to our Creator. Moreover, I’ve learned from Hush/Lucy that sinister forces could be keeping alters tricked and trapped in the belief that they must remain the opposite sex. I now know that these forces can include a torturously distorted morality and needlessly tormented conscience and even demonic tormentors.

If we let them, demons can be a nuisance but to the weakest Christian who understands, they are less of a concern than pesky flies. Just hold on to Jesus , stubbornly stand your ground and, as Jesus’ ambassador, keep ordering them to leave. Keep refusing to take no for an answer and these cowardly trespassers will slink off. For help with this, see the links in Demons in my Help for Every D.I.D. Emergency webpage.

Lucy’s experience proves that we can’t just assume: we should ask alters with gender issues why it is important to them to be the gender they believe they are, and what they think would happen if they were to change. Once we understand the reasons, we can start finding appropriate solutions.

Don’t Presume: Seek God

To demonstrate the importance of seeking God’s guidance and timing, let me tell you about one woman’s three alters. All of the following happened not just with the same woman but on the same day.

A new alter had surfaced. She looked like a toy and believed she was one and so she believed she was neither male nor female but an ‘it’. Since this alter lived in a woman I decided to preempt things by referring to this alter in an email as ‘she’. Another of the woman’s alters, replied, saying she felt the alter was male because this ‘toy’ seemed to act masculine. She leaned towards referring to this alter as ‘he’ but sought my advice. I replied that Jesus is so much smarter than me and it would be better for her to ask Jesus about this matter.

Another alter, who now went by the name Raj, not only believed she was male but had believed (and had convinced other alters) that she was Jesus – actually a cruel Jesus. Raj was progressing in coming to accept she was not Jesus. She was so terrified of demons that to appease them she had done terrible things. I told her that the real Jesus could keep her safe and empower her to send demons fleeing. She was scared of the real Jesus but I eventually coaxed her to speak with him. Before long, she emailed me back, saying:

    This Jesus is strange. I went to talk to him. He said, “If you want to know real power then you need to be a woman.”

    That is strange. So I said, “How is that going to help? Women are pathetically weak. Come any source of pain and they begin crying. Crying makes them weak. But men hold back their tears and get angry. Then they can do anything.”

    Jesus replied, “There is immense power in being a woman. There is immense power in tears. Find these and you will have all the power you seek.”

    I said, “Do I look like a girl? I am a man . . . well nearly there. My training was almost complete before this happened. I can’t be a woman. I have a penis. I don’t have breasts. I have sex with women and dominate them. I am no weak woman.”

    Jesus said, “Look in an outside mirror and try telling yourself that. I have already given you power. You have rejected it because you think you are a man. The truth is you are a woman. On the day you find pride in being a woman, please come see me again. Until then I will not give you my power. It is reserved for truth and not lies.”

I admit to being a little surprised at how strongly Jesus had worded this. I might not be too bright but at least I’m smart enough to know that Jesus is always right.

I replied to Raj, saying such things as, “Real power comes from Jesus, not from gender. With Jesus in your life, even demons will flee from you. Human strength is pathetic, relative to the supernatural power the real Jesus offers you. A muscle bound he-man can’t make demons flee, but a little child who knows the real Jesus can. Whether one is male or female is of no consequence when one has the power of the Almighty Son of God in one’s veins. If you observe the woman in whose body you live you will discover that she is both beautiful and powerful.”

“They told me crying is for sissy men and weak women,” said Raj.

“They lied,” I replied. “They were trying to get you to deny your humanity and become like a cold machine. God is warm and you are called to be warm and real, not like a lifeless rock.”

“Do you know what happens if I act like a sissy boy?” asked Raj.

“Nothing will happen to you, “ I replied, “because you are free now and no longer subject to their lies and their punishments.”

“Do you mind if I keep talking to you – at least till I feel less nervous about Jesus?”

“If you are so strong,” I said, “how come you are nervous about Jesus and yet the women and children whose body you share are fearless when they are with him? I repeat: strength does not come through being male, but through having a good relationship with Jesus. He is truth and he honors truth.”

“Isn’t truth just a concept?” asked Raj. “But this Jesus has a body.”

“Jesus is truth personified,” I explained. “Everything about him is true and real. There is no falsehood or deceit in him and he knows everything. This is one of the things that gives him infinite power. You can be strong and powerful and smart and fearless and be a woman. You are not called to be weak or fearful or an emotional wreck. That has nothing to do with being a woman.”

The other alter took my advice and spoke to Jesus about the one who believes she is a toy. Unlike his directions concerning Raj, Jesus told her that it is fine for this alter to be treated as a boy for now because that’s how this alter currently feels. “It’s more important,” Jesus told her, “that this alter become a person. He’ll feel safer being a boy and so he will become a person quicker if you call him a boy.”

I bowed to Jesus’ wisdom. No doubt the time will come for this alter to realize she is female, but God’s timing is perfect. He understands each alter’s needs precisely. The only smart thing is to never go ahead of our Lord, nor lag behind.

Related Pages

“I Thought I was the Opposite Sex!

Wish You Were the Opposite Sex?

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