Helping a Sex Predator Alter

Dissociative Identity Disorder:
Healing a Dangerous Sex Alter

* * *

Whilst Dissociative Identity Disorder provides countless variations to the theme, this webpage provides a real life example of an alter with dangerously strong and perverse sexual longings and how this was resolved. It is so authentic as to provide the actual words used in the counseling situation.

To understand this webpage you will need to read Dissociative Identity Disorder & Unwanted Sexual Cravings. Even after reading this necessary and fairly safe introduction, however, it is vital that you seriously pray about whether you should read the following. Although you could find it very helpful, not only is some of the material sexually explicit, some alters will find it upsetting and some might be tempted by it to want dangerously wrong things.

I am loathed to publish this webpage because some of what this alter wrote is utterly contrary to who I am. No matter how much we might think ourselves above her language and views, however, it is a fact of life that, given enough exposure and brainwashing, the sweetest impressionable little children, and one or more young, fragile alters of the most beautiful and moral Christians, will eventually absorb their abusersí appalling values. Until you are able to read such offensive material, you are not ready to be a counselor nor, perhaps, to face (and hence bring healing to) some of your own alters.

This most certainly does not mean, however, that you should try to force the pace to reach this point. Nor does it mean you will ever need to read it. You might not be called to be a counselor after all, or you might not have such an alter within you.

For many of us, the issues and language used in this webpage must be faced some day Ė and procrastinating could prove dangerous Ė but only God knows if now is the right time. So you will need to consult him.

Of course, sexual sin is wrong, not merely because the law labels some of it a crime. I emphasized the legal implications when writing to Jessie, however, because it seemed the quickest way of initially persuading her not to fulfill her lusts.

This webpage is long. I was tempted to shorten it but I think you will find it helpful to see just how much dialog was required and how important it is not to give up. Breakthroughs will come, provided one lovingly persists.

toward the end of this webpage, a sudden twist occurs as another alter appears who reveals the satanic dimension to all of this.

The leader of the satanic cult that abused her insisted that his victims call him the priest. It was not a title given to him by a legitimate church.

Everything I told Jessie was, of course, true and based on information gleaned from my months of interaction with Violet and her alters.

Text from Violet and her alters is dark blue. My responses are in black. Occasionally I add comments to the text, indicated by the use of italics inside square brackets. [ Example. ]

For anyone with a poor memory for names, I will also sometimes use this system to provide a brief reminder of who a previously mentioned alter is when she re-enters the text after a significant gap.


[ Violet was engaged in her favorite activity Ė minding children she had known since they were babies. She had obeyed the Lordís direction to cut down on this so that she could focus on healing. So that made this occasion particularly special.

It was hot. The children played with water and eventually needed to be changed into dry clothes. Soon after, Jessie, an alter I had had little previous communication with emailed me. She wrote: ]

Today we saw kids all day. Some of them took off their clothes. It was so nice to see their genitals and one of them was a girl. She was beautiful. I just wanted to take my hand and put it between her legs. The feel of their genitals makes me happy.

I wish I could have stroked the boyís gentitals again and again. He would have really liked it. It feels really good. I loved to see their naked bodies. But Momma [ the altersí name for the host, Violet ] wouldnít let me touch them.

If I told her about what I wanted to do she wouldnít even let me look at them. I just wanted to see them and their sweet naked bodies. I wanted to touch them and feel them. I wanted to let them feel me, too, and put their tiny hands right on my genitals! It would have felt so very good. My body wants them right now. I bet I could fit their hand up inside me. Oh man, that would feel so very good! But Momma wouldnít even let me think this way.

Now our body wants to feel their hand but we canít because Momma is being unfair. They run around with their delicious naked bodies and I cannot touch them. They should be punished for such behavior. I know just the punishment too! You wanna hear the punishment? Itíll be good! Might even make you get a little rise out of it. Then you could rub yourself. You would like that wouldnít you?

Iíll tell you about the punishment, okay? I would take a broom handle and let them ride the handle. Iíd shove in and out and in and out her tiny body. And for the boy I could use the vacuum cleaner. It might give his little peanut of genital a bit of a hickey but boy would he get a rise out of it.

I bet you are aroused. Feel free to relieve yourself. Iíll watch if you want.

* * *

My Response

No, dear friend, I donít find any of what you said even slightly arousing. What you are talking about is disgusting.

It is so very important that you never do any of this. If you did, you could very well be put in jail for years and years, and even when you eventually get out you would never be allowed to get close to a child again. It is HIGHLY illegal, and very damaging to the children.

You must not even look at children in that way. You are in the body of an adult, and adults get into serious trouble for doing such things.

You can be very, very thankful for Mommaís intervention. It is extremely important that you fully cooperate with her in this. You must not touch them sexually, nor in any way punish them. To do any of that is to be a bad person.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

I hate you guys! I hate, hate, hate you! [ Notice how much of a little child she is. ] I want to have my fun! I want to feel their warm naked body against mine! Why are you stopping me?! Iím doing, a good thing?! Itís a thing I want! Itís a thing they need. Every child needs the touch. How will they ever learn to please people if they never learn how to enjoy the wonderful feel of naked bodies pressed close. Naked bodies aroused and lusting after each other. My body aches for the touch of their small hands. Maybe two at a time! Please! Please can I have it. They need to learn and I need to be filled. My lust needs to be poured out! Pouring my desire on them would solve both problems!

* * *

My reply

We want you to have fun, too, and being sentenced to years in jail would most certainly not be fun. We could not stop police from doing this if you did such a thing, and we want to keep you safe.

Itís not something they need. It would do them great harm, dear friend.

ďHow will they ever learn?Ē you ask. Children are NEVER meant to act that way and if they learned to do it, they, too, would end up in serious trouble with the police as they get older.

It is extremely important that you understand just how serious this is. Otherwise you could ruin your life and that of Momma and everyone else. You are in a totally different situation to what you used to be in and such behavior is no longer tolerated but will come under police scrutiny.

With deep concern,


* * *

[ Another of Violetís alters, Olive, wrote to me about some unrelated things that had been upsetting Violet and other alters. In my reply I added: ]

Iím far more alarmed by parts who feel strongly tempted to sexually molest children. Jessie has just sent me a very disturbing email but I know that she will quickly heal like the others have.

* * *

Olive Wrote Back

Uncle Grantley, she will NEVER be allowed to do any of those things around me. I would sooner kill this body than allow that. It WILL NOT happen. Not ever. They are far more important to me than my own life. I would easily die before I let them get hurt the way I was hurt. It would be bad either ways but I think my death would be easier to take than the scar that Jessie would leave on those children. It will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER happen. Sheíll just have to get used to it until she heals! I stay away from her because it makes me angry and VERY protective of these children to hear someone talk that way. Donít worry. It. Will. NEVER. Happen.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

It doesnít hurt kids it helps them. It helped me!

We have genitals to have fun and fill up our lusts. Why would we ever get in trouble for doing something so good?

It doesnít matter anyways. No one would ever let me have the fun I used to have. I taught a lot of kids to enjoy naked bodies. [ She is referring to when she was a child. ] No one got hurt. Iím not hurt. Why do you think this is so wrong?

* * *

My Response

[ Alarmed by how dangerously resistant to reason Jessie was, I wrote to Hazel, a highly capable alter in Violet who is amazingly skilled at putting safeguards in place to warn when an alter might take over, and prevent him/her from doing so. I wrote to Hazel: ]

Hi, My Friend,

I know you have enough to contend with without this but you need to pray about some system that will protect parts like Jessie from molesting children.

Bless you, Hazel!

* * *

Hazel replied

Olive is ALWAYS the one who relates to kids. She is stronger than Jessie and incredibly protective of any child. She is what kept us from doing this to any other child on our watch. She is very, very good protection. She is a fierce protector in her own right. She may be calm and laid back most of the time but if there is the slightest chance of hurting kids she comes out fierce and strong. Injustice toward kids riles her up like nothing else.

I can hook up a warning system so she knows we are interacting with kids. Any part that tries anything remotely wrong will have hell to pay from her. When she is on a roll nothing stands in her way.

Violet is persistent and fearless when it comes to healing. She would stop at nothing to make healing happen. She is a fierce warrior but she is nothing compared to Olive when a child is threatened.

Iím pretty sure she could stop even me from taking control if she felt I was hurting a child. She truly is the best protection out there. Iím very sure we will be just fine without it but Iíll put up a warning system just to be sure.

PS: I hope you got that impression from the email she sent you back. That suicide threat is a serious thing that we all agreed on together about two years into recovery. It is a commitment that stands today. Trust me: we will be dead first.

* * *

My Reply to Hazel

Iím glad about Olive. It seems a lot of responsibility for just one of you, however. What if she were exhausted?

Your warning system sounds good. Is everything in place to stop a part from ever sneaking out while everyone is asleep or whatever, and finding a victim? Is this utterly foolproof? Iím not just worried about children, Iím concerned that you could end up in jail if a mistake happened.

* * *

From Hazel

Today, Violet had just three hours of restless sleep. Olive had all the sleep she needed because she knew she was going to be with kids. We are very careful when it comes to kids. However, I understand your concern. I guess I could add an alarm that warns someone on the TEAM when there is a part awake when everyone should be asleep. [ TEAM stands for Teaching, Encouragement, Assimilation (helping alters relate well with each other) and Ministry. A different alter in Violet is in charge of each responsibility. ]

* * *

I replied

Good. As you are so well aware, this is critically important and as many safeguards as possible need to be in place to make this absolutely foolproof. I suggest you also talk to Jesus about it.

* * *

To Jessie, I Wrote

You said, ďIt doesnít hurt kids it helps them. It helped me!Ē

It didnít help you, dear friend. You are now teetering on the edge of becoming a criminal.

Despite what you think, it is evil, not good, and there are very strong laws against it.

You should talk to other alters in your inner world about all the damage it did to them. You are currently unaware of it.

* * *

From Jessie

The other alters are just complainers. Itís hard at first but I got to learn how to teach kids what to do to make themselves and others feel better. The other alters just didnít have the guts to stick it out. I did.

Itís not bad! Why do they make laws against something that kids need to learn?

* * *

My reply

It breaks my heart to hear you call the other alters complainers. You didnít ďstick it out,Ē dear friend. They took almost all the pain and torment upon themselves so you would not have to suffer it. You owe them so very much and donít even realize it.

No child should ever have to learn what you are describing. If it werenít for people doing bad things like you want to do, they would be totally safe and never experience bad things.

* * *

From Jessie

Iím confused. You say itís bad, but WHY is it bad? Isnít it what all kids have to learn?

You said the other alters ďtook almost all the pain and torment upon themselves so you would not have to suffer it.Ē

They didnít go through the training. I did. The priest and his friends showed me how to do it on my body. They showed me what to do to othersí bodies. It was hard training. I felt really dirty at first but then I understood. All kids need to learn these skills. Thatís why I practiced teaching the little ones at church. [ All such references are to when Violet was a child. ]

How else can they learn to fill their own lusts and that of the little ones around them? My body was full of longing before the training. I was nothing other than a pile of sensual desire. I was the fortunate one who learned how to quench it. Is it bad to quench the burning in my pussy?

* * *

My Reply

It hurts children far, far more than you realize. As I said, other parts of you have shielded you from being aware of the bad stuff. They kindly did that to protect you, but because they know how awful it is they are so desperate to never be involved in causing a child to suffer it that they would literally kill themselves, and you, rather than allow you to do it to a child. Of all criminals, those who do this to children are considered the very worst. Even in jail other prisoners treat them horrifically. Other criminals Ė even murderers Ė consider themselves to be far better than those who do that to children. [ I wrote this not because I believe in such hypocrisy but in an attempt to help her see what danger she would be putting herself in if she chose to molest a child. ]

Saying, ďIsnít it what all kids have to learn?Ē is like saying, shouldnít all kids have to learn what it is like to be at war and kill and be in danger of being killed? No. Children should be protected from such things.

You said the priest and his friends showed you how to do it on your own body but that is different to doing it to other children. Ask those who suffered it. [ As explained in Should Christians Masturbate? self-administered sexual stimulation is an addiction that inflames and perverts oneís sexuality. For Jessie, one of the effects was to lessen awareness of the damage that molesting someone inflicts on the victim. ] You were right to feel dirty. What you did was very dirty and disgusting. You claimed you then ďunderstoodĒ but you were lied to by child-abusing criminals.

Then how do they learn to fill their own lusts and that of the little ones around them?

Just as children shouldnít kill people, so they shouldnít ďlearn to fill their own lusts and that of the little ones around them.Ē

You were ďnothing other than a pile of sensual desireĒ? Yes, you were a hopeless addict, just like a wino or junkie. You were born for far better than that, dear one. You were born to be honored and respected and a master of your desires, not a slave to them.

Yes, it is bad to quench your burning that way.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

The other alters say what happened to them made them be afraid of men, or to want men too much. [ That is, craving to have sex with them. ]

I remember being afraid of the priest and his wife because they taught me to relieve my pussy of all the pent up angst. But then I realized that I would forever feel the desire unless I let someone give my genitals a good massage or for them to scratch the itch inside me. I was so grateful when they finally taught me to do it to myself.

Sure, all the kids will feel dirty and afraid at first. But itís only at first. Then it just gets better and better. No one needs to be afraid of men. Especially when we can fill each otherís desire. I just want the kids to know about all this.

You wrote, ďThey kindly did that to protect you but because they know how awful it is they are so desperate to never be involved in causing a child to suffer it that they would literally kill themselves and you rather than allow you to do it to a child.Ē

Really! Sheesh! They are giant chickens!

What you said about how prisoners treat these people is horrible. All those nice people trying to educate children in their roles and duties as a person and they treat them like that!

Killing is bad. Licking a girl is good. Sucking a boy is good.

ďAsk those who suffered it?Ē I did. They just left training before they got to the good part. They were all fools.

What lie did the priest and his friends tell me? They were nice to me! They taught me the waterfall. All I do is sit in a bathtub and let the water pour right on my genitals. The first time they showed me that I had an orgasm that made me scream. It felt so very good! My genitals pulsed as did the rest of my body! I will always remember the power of that orgasm. I would suck and fuck a million men to feel that one again. I wish all children knew the beauty of a short hard orgasm. Thatís why I want to help them. Oh, the tiny girlís gentitals are making me wet! Not to mention the boyís!

I was ďborn for far betterĒ? What could possibly be better than a man to ride and a good muffin munch?

Iím the master of my gentitals. I quench its fire when I want. Violet wonít let me touch ours. I donít know why she is being such a @#!% ass. A good butt @#!% would set her right! Wanna help?

* * *

I replied

You call them chickens? If they are so weak, how come they are stronger than you and stop you from getting your evil way?

Have a look at the following. [ I provided a number of links to webpages condemning pedophiles, including police reports. ] There are thousands of such webpages on the Internet. They show how ordinary people think of those who touch children sexually and how dangerous it is to do it because of the legal consequences.

* * *

Sunshine (Another Alter) Wrote

I am so tired of having our body full of the need for sex. Jessie is being so disrespectful of our pain. She asked us about what being raped and molested did to us and, when we answered her she mocked us for being too weak. Some of us want to kick her out of our inner world. The others think she will come around. All of us want her to stop mocking us. Uncle Grantley. Iím hurt and angry.

* * *

My Reply to Sunshine

I very much understand how distressing it is for you. I feel for you.

Jessie has been tricked and brainwashed. It is very sad for her and for the rest of you and we need to pray for her and help her see the truth. Iím working hard on this.

Sheís mistaken. There is no need to believe anything she says. I have pointed out to her that others are clearly stronger than her, not weaker, because they prevent her from doing what she wants.

I understand you feeling hurt and angry, dear one, and Iím praying that it end soon.

* * *

Hazel Wrote

[ Hazel is the mature alter skilled at organizing the altersí inner world, including memories of past events, establishing internal alarm systems, etc. ]

What am I going to do with Jessie? She walks around our inner world mocking the ďweaknessĒ the others showed by being raped and molested. They have good reason to be angry at this point. Violetís tried talking to her. Iíve done the same. We are beginning to be worried about inside littles.

Jesus has asked me to displace her from our inner world. She will be able to attend activities but will be unable to interact with anyone except those on the TEAM. I feel bad for her because she is going to have a hard crash when she learns about the lies sheís been told. She is very attached to the priest. Remember how Sara [ another alter ] wanted Jesus to help her ďfeel betterĒ. This isnít quite the same with Jessie. She has some kind of emotional attachment behind this. Saraís was mainly a sexual attachment.

Also, we debated leaving Olive off the list of people Jessie can interact with. She gets utterly irate at things like this. Jesus said to leave her on the list though. So we have. Violet and I have talked to Olive about the necessity of controlling her temper in this area. Would you talk to her about this too? I donít think youíve ever met this side of Olive. Believe me when I say Olive has an explosive anger when children are threatened.

* * *

I Replied to Hazel

Itís heartbreaking to see how brainwashed Jessie is. There will be a way to help her see the truth. We just have to find it.

Jesus always knows what is best. You are always safe when he is guiding you.

Convincing Jessie that it is 2016 and that the priest abandoned her might help.

* * *

To Olive I Wrote

[ Olive is the alter who is fiercely protective of children. ]

Hi, Dear friend!

I praise God for you! I am so grateful that you are incredibly strong and determined to protect children. We need you so much.

Hazel said that they were wondering about leaving you off the list of people Jessie can interact with but Jesus believes in you and asked for you to be left on it.

I understand how infuriating it is interact with Jessie. We need to remember, however, that other parts also did atrocious things and have now dramatically changed. Jessie has been very cruelly brainwashed and needs our compassionate help to see the truth. She thinks that others are weak by not wanting to abuse children but the way you demonstrate how much stronger than her you are (by preventing her from doing what she wants) is surely contributing to exposing some of the lies.

I appreciate you so much, dear friend, and I feel for you in this situation. It must be tearing you apart. You ARE strong, however, and Jesus believes in your strength, so I know that, like him, you will control your anger so that Jessie is helped.

Bless you, my friend!

* * *

Violet Wrote

Jessie started talking to me and asked me about my sexual experiences and asked why I refrain. I explained to her that sex outside of marriage makes me dirty. That makes me less desirable to the kind of men I want to have in my life. It especially makes me dirty in front of Jesus and He is the most important Person in my life.

Jessie put her hands on me with the intent to give me an orgasm. I moved her hand away and said, ďI donít want that.Ē

She said, ďBut your pussy does. I can help you with that. It might be hard at first but it will get better. I promise. Youíll really like it.Ē Then she put her hand back between my legs.

I pulled her hand away and said, ďI donít want that. My body might want it but Jesus is more important than my body. It would break my heart to disobey Him. If you choose to put your hand between my legs or guide my hand to between your legs I will have to walk away from you.Ē

She did it again.

I put her down and said to her, ďI asked you not to do that to me again and now you have. I will talk to you again when you have given me a firm commitment to never touch me like that again. It makes me feel dirty and causes my body to have a longing I donít want it to have.Ē Then I walked away.

She was stunned to silence. She tried to get my attention using sex again a few times but I just blocked her out. Iím not sure I did the right thing but I made a commitment to Jesus and she was sending me down the road toward masturbation. I canít stay there with that much temptation. Honestly, itís been really rough with her active. Iíve been staying in public places because of this problem.

* * *

I Replied

I honor you for all that you do, dear one. This must be so hard for you.

I totally believe you did the right thing.

I very much understand how hard this is for you, Sis. I feel for you.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

Now Iím not allowed to talk to anyone except those adult people and they are the ones who did this to me. They don't like me very much. Why are they doing this?

* * *

My Reply

As I have tried to explain, dear friend, they are doing this to protect YOU. If you did what you want, you would end up in prison for a very long time. The others could completely kick you out of the special place in their inner world they have created, but they are being kind to you. It is not right that you repay their kindness by mocking them.

Do you know that it is now the 21st Century? The year is 2016 and the priest abandoned you many years ago. He moved on to others. No one knows where he is now but he is probably dead or in prison.

* * *

Jessieís Response

No. No, no, no . . .No. The priest wouldnít do that to me. Not ever. He said he will always take care of me. Every day he would line me and the other kids up. Then heíd tell us how we did. Some of them did horrible but I was always right. I was the strongest. He chose me all the time! I was his best student. He wished I was his daughter! He wouldnít leave me. He wouldnít leave me all alone. He was protecting me. If Iím all alone . . . No, you must be mistaken. Both of you and Momma [ Violet ]. No, no he wouldnít do that. He loved me. I was strong enough for the training. I was privileged. I was special. No.

* * *

I replied

Then where is the priest? Heís been gone for decades.

You said you were the strongest but you obviously arenít strong. You canít even get your own way because so many, such as Momma, Olive, Hazel etc., are stronger. The priest lied over and over.

Read those links I gave you about pedophiles.

* * *

From Jessie

No. Please no. He wouldnít leave me. He said he would always be here to protect me. He wouldnít leave. Please. Please find him. Please. please, please, please. Iím so scared. Please.

Please. Iíll do anything. Just bring him back. I promise I wonít touch anyone anymore. I just need the priest. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Anything you need. Iíll do it. Just give me back to the priest. Please. Please, please.

* * *

Violet Wrote

Jessie is absolutely beside herself in terror. I was nearly hyperventilating when she was writing her last e-mail. Iím trying to calm her now. Iím not sure what was going on between the priest and her but for her itís a big and important thing to have him near.

* * *

To Jessie I Wrote

The priest was a liar. I donít know what you are afraid of, dear one. Please tell me. But most likely your fear is based on his lies not on reality.

You have nothing to fear, dear one. What you would have done to those children should have terrified you because of the consequences but the priest abandoning you is nothing to fear. It is good to be rid of such an evil deceiver.

* * *

Jessie Replied

The priest protected me. He protected me from bad guys. The bad guys got me. They beat me up. I had bruises and I broke my arm. So many bruises. Please get the priest back. The bad guys will get me again. Please. Iíll do anything. I donít want to be hurt again. My ribs hurt. Everything hurts. I donít want that again. Please bring him back. He loved me and protected me. He was a good guy. Iím sorry Iíll never touch a person again. Please just give me back to him. Do it quick.

* * *

My Response

The priest did not protect you from bad guys, dear friend, he WAS a bad guy, and he got his friends to hurt you so that he could pretend to be saving you from them.

The Jesus in your inner world is truly good and safe. He might look to you like the fake Jesus who hurt you but he is totally different. For example, he left just now so that you wouldnít be frightened. A bad person would delight in you being frightened. Everything is almost the exact opposite of what it currently seems to you. You have been cruelly tricked.

* * *

From Violet

Jessie wouldnít let me touch her. She looked as though she was ready to bolt. So I called Jesus in. Then she nearly choked me by holding on to me so tight. She was horrified at the presence of Jesus and wouldnít even talk with Him around. Jesus left.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

Momma [ Violet ] is okay and safe? She wonít hurt me, right? I donít want to see Jesus again. I donít. I just want to be safe. Bad guys donít protect. The priest protected me. Now heís gone who will protect me? Iím so scared! Please bring the priest back. Please. Please.

* * *

I Replied

Yes, Mommaís absolutely safe and will never hurt you.

There is no one in the universe, however, who is as safe and dependable and can keep you safe like Jesus.

Bad guys PRETEND to protect. Have you heard of protection rackets Ė when thugs demand that shop owners pay them money in order to protect their properties? If the shop owners pay, they are ďprotectedĒ. If they donít pay, the shops get vandalized but it is the so-called protectors who organize the damage. That is like what the priest did for you. He was the one who organized that you be attacked. With him gone, your attackers have also gone, dear friend.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

If Mommaís safe, then Iím gonna stay with Momma, alright? Iím gonna stay right with her. Is she big enough to make the bad guys go away? Will she do that for me?

Jesus is too scary. Iím not gonna go near him. I just want to be with Momma since sheís safe.

I saw the priest hurt Jesus. He made Jesus run away. Jesus has always been bad. Iím sorry. Heís just scary.

* * *

I Wrote

Why do you think the priest allowed the false Jesus to ever be there? It was because this false Jesus was the priestís friend. If you doubt this, why not talk to the other parts about this? One of them might have seen something when you were not around.

* * *

Jessie Replied

We were in the priestís office just coloring pictures and Jesus burst in and grabbed the priest by the neck and threw him on the ground. The priest didnít get up. Then Jesus came and got me. He pushed me on the ground and kicked me again and again. He screamed at me to stand up. So I did. Then he punched me in the stomach and I crashed on the wall. My arm hit on the shelf and it got broken. Then Jesus got on top of me and punched me in the face a lot. Thatís when the priest woke up and beat up Jesus, and Jesus ran away.

I canít talk to all those other people about it. Momma and the others wonít let me. But Momma said to look it up. [ She was referring to the fact that Hazel has set up a system whereby any alter can access any of Violetís memories plus any memories that other alters have permitted to be added to what they call their video library. It is modelled on a computer system with a sophisticated search function. ] The priest was nice but... Iím just so confused. Everything thatís nice youíre saying is mean and bad and evil. Iím so confused.

Jessie Added Later

Why would the priest trick me like that and then be nice to me? He loved me. He helped me. He showed me all those good things. Why would he need to trick me? I love him.

* * *

I Replied

Itís how evil people operate. They deceive and trick people. The best way to trick someone is to pretend to be nice so that they are believed.

And having sex with you is NOT being nice. It was selfishly degrading you and exploiting you.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

But sex feels nice. If it feels nice, then it is nice. I donít understand why you would say it degrades me. I think itís just the opposite. It makes me more powerful. It makes me safer.

When I can make people feel good they donít want to hurt me. This is another reason children need to be taught the joys of orgasms. The happier I made the priest the more he protected me. I learned to make him extra happy. The thing that made him the happiest was to see me teach other children.

He said a boyís organ is like a peanut and a girlís is like its shell. They are home to each other. Sometimes he took pictures of me giving him a hand job. Or sucking his cock till it exploded on my face. Sometimes he used those pictures to remember the fun time I gave him. Sometimes he took a picture of sticking his organ in my warm, moist part. Or he took a picture of munching my muffin. He treated me with respect and, once I had been trained, he would stop when I said stop. He always took good care of me!

I donít understand why Momma doesnít like sex. Why doesnít she like a good muffin munch? Why does she insist on letting her body be on fire with desire and not allow a manís fire hose to put it out? Then there is that Olive person. She just glares at me. Iím afraid to talk to her because she hates me with her eyes. Why is she like that? You said everything is the opposite. Is that why she glares at me?

In a Second E-Mail, Jessie Added

Someday Iíd like twenty men to shower me in their love juice. They could rub it in. That would feel wonderful. Thatís my dream sex. A shower of cum.

* * *


You say it feels nice but so does chocolate-coated poison.

It degrades you because it makes you abuse little children and you wanted to abuse even more and donít even realize how disgusting that is. That means you have been totally degraded and perverted. Did you read those links I sent you?

Saying it makes you safer is ridiculous. If it were not for the others stopping you, you could be in jail right now being hurt by other prisoners who consider themselves better than someone who molests children. There is nothing safe about that.

To hurt someone (which is what you have done) makes one feel powerful but the truth is that you are so powerless you canít even control your own lusts. Jesus can change you. You donít have to be so pathetic but it will only happen if you want it to. Jesus will not force it on you. He is the most powerful person in the universe but he uses it with wisdom and goodness, not to exploit people or get his own way.

Of course it made the priest happy to see you teach other children. He was disgusting and you have learned his filthy ways. You bring shame to every other part of you.

The pictures he took of you are child pornography and for very good reason it carries severe penalties (prison sentences).

Momma doesnít like your version of sex because you pervert sex and turn it into something disgusting what God intended to be beautiful and to occur only between adults who are totally committed to each other for life.

Olive glares at you because she is fiercely protective of little children, as every decent person is. If they knew what you are currently like you would find that most people in the world would treat you like that.

You are right when you say you are so confused, dear friend. You are like someone who has been taught it is good to torture people. You have been cruelly tricked and I am writing to you because I believe you will eventually understand this and become a good person.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

You think Iím a horrible, horrible person. You think I should be locked away with bad guys. You think I am a rotten person. But I am trying to be nice. Iím sorry, Iíll go away.

* * *


If I thought there was no hope for you, I would not be writing to you, dear friend. In order to become a good person, you need to discover how important it is to change your attitude to sexually abusing people, but I am confident that this will happen. You have been cruelly tricked into thinking doing horrible things is good.

Iím so very, very thankful, that you have not been imprisoned, dear one. It would have happened, had it not been for Olive and others protecting you. You owe them a lot.

I believe you when you say you are trying to be nice and I believe IN you.

Please donít go away, dear friend. We need to work these things through. It will end up bringing you more peace and happiness than you have ever known, and this is what I want for you.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

Iím just little. But you hate me. Everything Iíve done and everything I am is evil to you. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry. Iím sorry.

Later, Jessie Added

You think I have to become a whole new person because I am so horrible to you.

You think I should be locked away with bad guys donít you?

* * *

My Reply

You need not to be a different person but to have a different attitude toward sex.

No, I donít think you should be locked up. There was talk about removing you from the special place the others have created and I was glad when they decided not to do that. It is important, however, that you not be allowed to touch children sexually. My hope is that you will come to understand this.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

I wonít. I promise. Iíll want to. But I wonít. I just wish that people understood that I was being good. I was doing my best to be good. But all my trying to be good is horrible to you guys. And thatís what makes me a horrible person. And very, very sad.

The priest thought I was a good person. But now heís gone. You guys think Iím bad and now Iím stuck here. Iím so sad. Iím so very sad. I miss the priest. Sometimes when I was scared or felt bad heíd just hug me. He always treated me gently. He never told me I deserved prison. But here everyone is mad at me and everyone thinks I should be in prison. I hate being here. Iím miserable and sad. I miss the priest.

* * *

I Wrote

Making the promise you have made is a good start, dear friend.

Yes, you were doing your best to be good but this was by the priestís standard of goodness, and he was evil.

Iím sure Momma would hug you if you asked, and Jesus would, too.

Not only did the priest never tell you that you deserved prison, Iím sure he also never told you that HE deserved prison.

In reality, you didnít deserve prison back then because you were little and you had been cruelly tricked by him but if you did anything now, the police would not excuse you because you are now regarded as an adult because you live in an adult body.

You say everyone is mad at you and thinks you should be in prison but they saved you from making a mistake that would have got you and them sent to prison. None of us think you deserve to be in prison but we all know you need to understand that acting this way is bad.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

Can I call you Uncle Grantley? I know I was bad and maybe you donít want me to be your niece. Iím sorry.

Today we went to the mountains and were naked. [ In preparation for eventual marriage, the Lord has been helping Violet accept her body by being naked when safely alone. ] There was a nice breeze and it felt so good on our naked body. Then Sunshine [ the alter who wrote earlier saying how offended she was by Jessieís sexuality and by her mocking the other alters ] and others started to cry. They asked Momma to put the clothes back on because they were too scared. I asked them why they were scared and they said that bad things happened when they were naked with the priest and others. It hurt them, so now they donít like being naked because of that. I did those things to other people. Do those people feel that way now?

Iím gonna say something that hurts me so much. I donít even want to think it. I guess the priest was evil. But I loved him. So it hurts very bad to think of him that way. I know that what he did hurt Sunshine and the others. But I loved him and he treasured me. We had lots of good times. We laughed and played and we had sex and took pictures of our fun. For me it was lots of fun. If I could Iíd go back with him. I miss him a lot. Iím sorry I love him. I know no one here likes me because of it. Iím sorry. I hope people can forgive me.

It hurts for me to hear you say things like he deserved prison. I really did love him.

Why did he teach me to do things to get me prison? He loved me, right? He loved me.

I canít stop crying. Iím sorry for all this. I really am. I didnít want to hurt people. Iím sorry I love someone you all hate. Iím sorry. Iím just always sorry.

* * *

I Replied

I would be delighted for you to call me uncle, dear friend. I care for you deeply. You are very important to me. In fact, I have lost a lot of sleep worrying about you.

Sadly, what you did really did hurt other people. In fact, most people have their entire lives ruined by having such things done to them. Momma, for example, is now fairly old and yet she is still tormented by it. Many people go to their graves tormented by it.

You wrote, ďIím gonna say something that hurts me so much. I donít even want to think it.Ē I know it hurts at present, dear friend. but facing the truth will end in joy. It will transform you and make you a good person who will be a huge blessing to other people.

Yes, the priest really was evil. So evil, in fact, that he had demons in him and he gave those demons to some parts of you, but the real Jesus is stronger than demons and he has scared them away.

You say you loved the priest, but you had been cruelly starved of real love. A starving person will, in desperation, even eat rotting food that ends up making them sick and worse than if they had eaten nothing. This is what happened to you.

Yes what he did to Sunshine and the others hurt them stupendously. Unless they share all their memories in detail with you, you will have no idea just how much he hurt so very many parts of you.

You thought he treasured you but unfortunately he didnít. All the hurt he inflicted on the rest of you proves he didnít care about you at all. All that he did was to hide from you all the bad things he had done to the rest of you, thus tricking you into thinking he was kind, when he was actually indescribably cruel to you. Moreover, he was training you to hurt innocent little children for him.

We are eager to forgive you, dear friend. We know you were tricked. We just long for you to no longer be tricked and no longer be a danger to innocent children, and you are making very much progress in this.

He taught you things that would get you imprisoned because he was evil. I donít believe he was capable of loving ANYONE. All he wanted was to hurt people and get his selfish way. If you corrupted other children by sexually abusing them it would give him access to them. His goal was to get you to do the dangerous work for him.

I believe you, dear friend, when you say you didnít want to hurt people.

The real Jesus can make you totally good and clean and forgive you so that you are innocent in Godís eyes. He loves you so much that he let himself be tortured to death on the cross to receive in his body the full punishment that your sins deserve so that you could get away scot free. It will help you more than anything else could ever achieve for you to get to know him. He is kind and gentle and patient and fun. You have nothing at all to fear from him. I beg you to speak with him. You can take Momma with you and you can ask him to keep his distance, if this will help you feel safer.

* * *

Violet Wrote

She is absolutely grieving the loss of the priest. We sat together for ten minutes just wailing at the loss of him. While I understand her feelings, it has a hard time meshing with all of my other feelings. How is it possible to both love and hate someone? Sheesh! [ Violet was powerfully feeling both her own strongly negative feelings toward the priest and Jessieís strongly positive feelings. ]

* * *

My Reply to Violet

I feel for you, dear friend.

Jessie didnít love the priest. She only ďlovedĒ the fake version of himself that he presented to her. She very much needs the unconditional love of everyone else and lots of hugs so that she can begin to understand real love and be weaned off the fake stuff.

* * *

I Wrote to Olive [ The alter fiercely protective of children ]

Hi, Dear Friend!

How do you feel about Jessie, now? She is making great progress. What will help her most now and wean her from thinking positively about the priest and his values is if you show her love. She desperately needs everyoneís love and forgiveness but yours would probably be the most powerful because she knows how angry she made you.

What do you think?

Bless you, my friend!

* * *

From Olive

Uncle Grantley, I havenít let my eyes go off of her since she started talking about those children. I havenít slept because I am watching her. She is not worthy of my trust, therefore, I will not forgive her. I just wonít. She can beg and plead but I will not forgive her. She isnít safe.

She is going to have to prove that she is worthy of love and forgiveness. She is dangerous even still. I will not let my guard down. I will not let her near children. This is just the end of it.

* * *

My Reply to Olive

You are right to not trust her at this stage. She will need to prove herself to be fully repentant, to understand that child abuse is always wrong, and to prove herself able to resist all temptation to abuse.

Forgiving Jessie and trusting her are entirely separate things, dear friend. Forgiveness means you do not let what she has done (or even what she might be capable of) stop you from loving her and being as kind and gentle with her as circumstances allow.

Dear friend, waiting until people prove themselves worthy of love is not right. I did not treat you or any part this way and neither does Jesus. You are called to be like Jesus and he is good and kind to everyone, not because they prove themselves worthy but because he is good and kind. He does not let other peopleís failings corrupt him so that he ceases to be good and kind.

I agree with you that it is quite likely that she is still dangerous and I support your stand on not letting your guard down and letting her near children. However, the way to help her change and become trustworthy is for you to show her love and kindness. She was tricked into having a very distorted view of things and for that she deserves compassion. She is grieving the loss of the priest and for that she not only deserves compassion but to receive genuine love so that she will no longer be hungry for the false love the priest offered.

Please talk to Jesus about this, dear one.

* * *

Olive Replied

I glare at her because I want her to know how evil she is. She doesnít need kindness she needs truth. The truth is that she is evil and deserves to be punished.

Iím not Jesus. Iíd rather be corrupted than allow that dangerous wench around children. Just the thought of her being anywhere near them causes me to get angry. She is not worthy of contact with any children and I doubt she will ever be. Sheís too ruined.

She was not tricked. The priest touched her and she felt dirty. She knew what it was like when she touched all those children. She was not tricked.

It is idiotic to grieve that monster.

Iíd prefer not to talk to Jesus about it. I know what He will say. She is not worthy of forgiveness. This is where I stand. I have to see it this way.

* * *

I Replied to Olive

You wrote, ďThe truth is that she is evil and deserves to be punished.Ē The truth is that every part of you and me is evil and deserve to be punished. Jesus said that we cannot expect God to forgive us if we donít forgive others.

Yes, you are not Jesus, but you are called to be like him and if you were to refuse to go his way, you would lose his protection and it is he, not you, who has kept you out of jail, etc. by not letting alters take over.

If I believed Jessie were ďtoo ruined,Ē I would have given up on every one of you. Jesus has powerfully changed you, and so many others, and he will likewise do the same for Jessie, dear friend.

By choosing not to talk to Jesus about this, you are on very dangerous ground, dear friend. My heart breaks for you.

* * *

Violet Wrote

There is something else odd about Jessie. She doesnít want anyone to touch her unless she is terrified by Jesus. [ In which case she clung tightly to Violet. ] Unlike other alters, she doesnít want me to comfort her when she feels sad. I just end up sitting next to her. You might try asking her about this. I did and I got nowhere.

* * *

From Sunshine

Today Momma and some of the others were enjoying being naked outside. But I just got scared and asked Momma to put our clothes back on. It was too scary. I used to like it but then Jessie . . .

Uncle Grantley, I really donít like her. She loves the priest. I hate that guy. He hurt me so much! I really donít want to talk to Jessie ever again. Now, because of her, being naked is scary again. I hate her.

* * *

My Reply to Sunshine

Hi, Dear friend!

Lovely to hear from you again! Many thanks for sharing what has been happening.

Iím so sorry this happened, dear friend. You deserve to feel free and have fun. However, something good happened as a result. Seeing you upset touched Jessieís heart. It made her sad to see you upset and it caused her to better understand how wrong it is to abuse little children.

She used to love the priest because he tricked her and did not let her know about any of the bad things. She is beginning to see him very differently, but he offered her what seemed to be love and kindness and she greatly misses this, especially when she is surrounded by hate and unkindness from other alters. The more you are able to show her love and kindness, the more she will change and become a nice person who understands how bad the priest was and how bad it is to abuse children. Please talk to Jesus about this and see what he says.

Yes, the priest hurt you greatly, but this was kept hidden from Jessie and if you never let her know, how will she find out what he was really like?

* * *

Sunshineís Response

He touched her, too, Uncle Grantley. She knew what it was like and she decided to side with the evil man. She decided to side with my enemy. Why should I give any care about her. She is my enemy.

* * *


You should care about her because Jesus cared about you when you were his enemy.

* * *

From Sunshine

What do you mean? When was I His enemy? I love my Dadda!

* * *

I Replied

You love Dadda now, my friend, but all of us used to act like his enemy by doing bad things that upset him.

* * *

From Sunshine

I didnít know what bad things I did so I asked Momma. She said about when I asked to have sex with you. I never thought about how bad that was. I guess thatís a little like Jessie, huh?

I was just doing my job. So was Jessie. The priest taught me that I was married to all those men and I believed him. The only difference between Jessie and me is that the priest was a little bit nice to her and he was never, ever nice to me. I guess she wasnít on his side because she wanted to be but because she was tricked into it by the evil, bad priest.

I understand that now. I feel bad for her but I still donít like how she acts as if the priest was wonderful. He wasnít. Not even to her. What do I do when she acts that way? I see her a lot.

* * *


Yes, you were equally bad, dear friend. You tried to sexually corrupt me, like Jessie wanted to sexually corrupt those children. But I was kind and gracious to you, wasnít I? Jessie deserves the same from us, even if we donít like what she did, just like I didnít like what you did.

You are very wise to come to the understanding that you have, dear one. Iím thrilled that you now feel bad for her.

She is quickly beginning to see that the priest was not like she thought he was. She just needs our help and if we donít talk with her and treat her with respect, how will she ever discover the truth?

I think she will think less and less that the priest was wonderful, but when she does, I ask you to be patient (even though it is so hard) and offer to share with her things about the priest she is not aware of. She is currently scared to face these truths because it will mean her entire world will come crashing down. She will feel very, very bad about herself and might even feel like killing herself. This is why we need to be kind to her so that she knows she has real friends who are worth living for.

* * *

A Message to Olive From Violet

Olive, almost 10 months ago you asked me to be your mom. This responsibility is something I take very seriously. I am Momma to both you and Jessie. I will not have one of my daughters treating another with so much disrespect. When you disrespect her you disrespect me.

I understand your anger. What she did wasnít right. However, she is nothing more than a very broken little girl Ė very broken like you were when I first met you. I donít approve of the way you are acting toward Jessie right now. If you cannot find a way to respect her pain then kindly confine yourself to an isolation hut [ a place set aside in Violetís inner world where alters can go when they wish to spend time alone ] until you can find it within you to act respectfully.

This glaring at her and constant hovering is beneath you. Find something else to do. It breaks my heart to tell you this, but if you cannot act respectfully and refuse to stay away from her, Hazel [ the alter skilled at organizing the altersí inner world ] and I will have to confine you to a pod ourselves. Please donít make me do this. It would really hurt both of us.

* * *

From Olive

Uncle Grantley, I am so angry at Momma! How could she take sides with that wench? Iím not a danger here! Iím keeping us from danger! Why doesnít Momma understand this! She is being foolish and taking unnecessary risks! Iím half tempted just to take over the body. But Hazel wouldnít allow that. Iím sure sheís keeping an eye on me, too! I hate everything about this. Youíre on my side right, Uncle Grantley? Would you please talk some sense into Momma?

* * *

My Reply to Olive

I feel for you, dear one, but you are in an important position and high standards are expected of people in such important positions.

You say you are not a danger, but anyone who is not in submission to Jesus is a serious danger, dear friend. Momma will be able to trust you again once you sort this out with Jesus.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

Momma just talked to that Olive person. Olive wasnít very happy but sheís gone now. Why did Momma do that?

Why do you lose sleep worrying about me? Do you need help with your lust? Iíll help if you need it. Youíre far away but I bet I can do something to help if you needed it. But you donít have to if it would make you feel bad. I donít want to hurt you. I just want to help you with your lust. Thatís all.

What do you mean when you say Iíve been starved of real love?

> It hurt them stupendously. Unless they share all their memories in detail with you, you will have no idea just how much he hurt so very many parts of you.

Is it okay if I donít want to know the bad memories for now? Iím just so sad. I donít want more sadness.

I miss the priest so much!

* * *


Momma acted the way she did because she has Jesusí heart, and Jesus is like that. Like Olive, Jesus knows that what you did was wrong, but Jesus longs to forgive you and he will, as soon as you ask him.

I feel concern for you because you are important to Jesus. He loves you totally unselfishly and so do I.

You wrote, ďDo you need help with your lust? Iíll help if you need it.Ē You still donít understand dear friend. What you are suggesting is VERY wrong. The real Jesus is not like that.

By saying you have been cruelly starved of real love, I mean you have never received real love. You are now receiving it, however, through Momma and me, but you are still having difficulty coming to terms with it

I believe you need to know how much the others were hurt. I think you are mainly sad just because the priest isnít there and people donít like it when you act badly. You need to be sad because you realize that what you did was wrong. When you have sadness for that, it will end up setting you free and making you happy.

Yes, itís not the same as when the priest was around. You have yet to understand what a good thing that is.

Momma said you are reluctant to let anyone touch you. Why is that my friend? You are the one who claims that touching people is good.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

I am only for the priest. If others touch me Ė even just a hug Ė then the priest will never take me back.

Uncle Grantley, I do love the priest. He was nice to me Ė even without all the sex and things. He held me close and I felt safe with him. Uncle Grantley, I know itís hard to believe but I really do love the priest. Even if all the sex was bad. I still love him.

This Sunshine person came up to me and said, ďHi.Ē Whyíd she do that? Now sheís sitting with me. She wanted to give me a hug but I said no. She said she doesnít like it much when I talk about the priest. But she still wants to be my friend.

Uncle Grantley, no one has ever wanted to be my friend because I was the priestís favorite. I thought they were just jealous but maybe they just didnít like me because of the priest. Sunshine said she wants to tell me about what she remembers about the priest. Uncle Grantley, Iím really scared to know what she says. Iím just really scared. I wish the priest were here to hold me close.

* * *


You said that if others give you even a hug, the priest would never take you back. This is part of what I said about you being starved of love. He was doing his best to keep you starved. You never have to worry about it now, because the priest is gone forever.

You only love the person you thought the priest was, not the person he really was.

This person came up to me and said, ďhiĒ.

It is very brave of Sunshine to do what she is doing. She feels very hurt by things you have said and done but she wants to be like Jesus, and Jesus is kind and forgiving.

Iím so proud of her for offering to give you a hug.

No, they were not jealous of you. They saw you as selling your soul to the enemy. They did not want to be like you.

I know you are scared of what Sunshine knows but you need to know the truth, dear friend.

The priest has abandoned you, but the real Jesus never will.

* * *

Violet Wrote

Olive is very, very angry at me. She wonít even talk to me. Iím sorry sheís that angry. Something had to be done. Iíd rather she be angry at me than at Jessie. Iíve got big shoulders, Jessie doesnít. I question whether that was the right thing to do but I just could not stomach the way she was treating Jessie.

* * *

My Reply To Violet

It was a very tough call for you and I feel for all of you. As I told Olive, she holds a very responsible position and very high standards are required for such positions. My biggest concern was her refusal to talk it over with Jesus. Anyone not willing to submit to Jesus can, even with good intentions, make serious mistakes.

All of you are so precious to me.

Bless you!

* * *

Sunshine Wrote

Uncle Grantley, I just wanted to say Iím sorry I asked to have sex with you. I wasnít right to do that to you. Will you forgive me?

* * *


Of course, I forgive you, dear friend. And I am so very proud of you for befriending Jessie. VERY proud.

* * *

From Jessie

If I listen to Sunshine will you be here in case I need you? Iím really scared.

* * *



* * *

From Sunshine

I told her, Uncle Grantley. I told her about the priest and the fake Jesus and all the bad things. But she is just shaking and crying. Her face is in the dirt. She is crying so much that I am crying. She wonít talk to me or Momma. Will you help her, please?

* * *

To Sunshine

Well done, dear one! Thank you for telling me.

* * *

From Jessie

Uncle Grantley, she told me. She told me everything. I hate myself now. He was like my daddy, but he was evil. That means Iím evil too.

Uncle Grantley, he sold Sunshine and scared her and made dogs have sex on her. My daddy was evil and Iím scared and sad and Iím so confused. Why was he like this?

I didnít know he had two little girls hiding in the wall.

Iím just evil and Iím scared that that evil is going to be too big and Iíll make more Sunshines. [ Hurt other children like Sunshine had been hurt. ] I donít want to be evil but I am. Iím like my daddy. Iím like him. Uncle Grantley, Iím just evil.

I donít want to be alive anymore. Iíll just hurt people. Iíll make more Sunshines. Iím sorry. Iím really, really sorry. I just want to disappear. Iím a bad idea thatís all. My daddy made me into a bad idea. Iím sorry. Iím so sorry. Sorry. Iím so evil.

* * *


Sunshine didnít tell you everything but she told you the part she knows about. Jesus will totally cleanse you and make you a very good person, if you just ask him to, dear friend. Without Jesus, all of us are evil but with him we become truly good people.

It is so confusing for you to discover so much that had deliberately been kept hidden from you. But now the priestís evil plan has been exposed and he no longer has any power to deceive you.

I have no idea why he was so evil. His behavior defies most peopleís comprehension. He was certainly controlled by demons.

Making more ďSunshinesĒ might have happened if Olive hadnít protected you. I know she needs to be kind to you but she did spare you from some very bad things. However, if you let Jesus help you, you will be able to become the good, kind, safe person that you long to be.

I know you donít want to be evil. If you ask for Jesusí help, you will not be like the priest.

We need you, dear friend. For a start, if you were to die, Momma and Sunshine and everyone else inside would die as well. And there are probably other parts who are also confused and need you to help them understand the truth.

I believe in you, Jessie, and so does Jesus.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

I just want to be dead. If Iím dead then I canít make other Sunshines. Thatís what Iíll do if I stay alive. We need to die. Thatís the only solution.

* * *


Dear one, you are just about to begin what will be the most wonderful part of your life.

If you were to die you wouldnít be able to help other ďSunshinesĒ and that is what you are now called to do.

God has spared you because he has wonderful plans for you Ė plans that will not only bring you fulfillment but will help many people. Donít give up now that you are so close to achieving great things.

* * *

Jessieís Response

No, you donít understand. This is a bad, bad, bad problem. We need to die like Olive had planned. We need to do it before I see kids again. Please. We need to die, okay?

* * *

From me

Tell me what makes you think this, dear friend. Whatever it is, Jesus is stronger and will protect you and transform you if only you ask for his help.

No, it is not okay for you to die. Whether you like it or not, people need you.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

[ Referring to decades ago when she was in a childís body. ] Sometimes when Iím with kids something happens and I canít stop myself from touching kids. Something changes inside me and I canít make it stop. My daddy made it happen for me. It made me his best teacher. He said if I did it then heíd always protect me from Jesus. I canít make it stop, Uncle Grantley. We need to die. Itís the only way to stop making other Sunshines. Iím sorry. I know you like us a lot but we have to die.

* * *


Whatever it is, Jesus can reverse it, dear one.

You never need protecting from the real Jesus. The priest tried to scare you from going to the real Jesus because he knew that the real Jesus is able to reverse this. Thinking you have to die is as big a lie as anything else the priest told you.

You wonít regret talking with Jesus. It definitely will not hurt you. Feel free to take Sunshine and/or Momma with you. You donít need them because you will be totally safe but they will help you FEEL safer.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

I donít WANT to die. I HAVE to die. Olive is right. Itís the only way out. But Iíll try this Jesus. Do you promise he wonít hurt me. Iíd rather die without pain. Okay?

* * *

From Violet

It finally happened! Itís been so hard to watch a little child who obviously needs physical comfort and her not letting me give it to her. She slowly crept into my arms. Hazel brought a blanket for her. Jessie is shaking something fierce right now. But she is willing to talk to Jesus! Here we go!

* * *

Jessie Wrote

Uncle Grantley, I asked Momma to be my mommy. She gives me hugs that are better than the priest. They feel warm and full of love. But not the kind with sex and orgasms. The nice fluffy kind. Hazel gave me a blanket. She said itís for times when I feel scared. That way I can snuggle and hide at the same time. And Olive is watching from far away. And Sunshine is holding my hand.

Uncle Grantley, I wanted a hug so bad and now there are lots of people who will hug me. Iím not special for the priest. But I am special for everyone here.

Well, Iím gonna tell you about Jesus now, okay? It was very scary. I sat on Mommaís lap and hid in my blanket and only looked with my eyes.

Hazel and Jesus talked. Hazel gave Jesus a hug. I thought she was extra brave to do that. I couldnít do that. Hazel went to stand with Olive. Well, Jesus sat down with His back toward me. He didnít look my way at all. He said loudly, ďI wonít move till you tell me I can. I donít want to scare you. Did you have something you wanted to say to me?Ē

Momma held me close. I put my head on her chest and she stroked my cheek. I feel safe with her, Uncle Grantley. She is so nice to me. I think she just wants me to be happy. Well, I told Jesus yes.

He said, ďLay it on me!Ē

I said, ďIím too scared. I canít.Ē

Uncle Grantley, I was all shaky. I couldnít talk good.

Then Jesus said, ďLet me tell you a story. One time I was walking down a road. There was a cemetery in the hillside. I had all my friends around me. It was just a little stormy. Not rain. Just wind and some lightening. As we were walking, a man came and told us it wasnít safe to walk this way. He said there was a crazy man who had demons in him. I heard a horrible sound coming from the cemetery. I looked over, and this man with broken chains around his wrists and ankles came to me. He fell down on the ground and with a scratchy gruff voice he screamed out, ĎWhy are you here with us? You are God. Please donít send us out of this body. If you do please send us into the herd of pigs.í

My friends were confused but the man who warned us told me that this man was so violent they had to chain him up. But even that didnít work because he would always break the chains. But I saw the man. He was miserable. He wanted the demons out. And I saw the demons. They were scared. I felt bad for the man so I decided to help him. I sent the demons into the pigs. The pigs went crazy and ran off a cliff.

Do you see?Ē Uncle Grantley, Iím like that demon guy. I canít make myself stop touching kids. My hands just do it. I think the man would wish he was dead just like me.

Jesus said, ďThatís right. You are like the man. Can you guess what I am like?Ē

Uncle Grantley, He heard my thinking. I was really surprised! I said, ďYou are the nice guy who made the demons go away. You must be good and nice. But you still scare me. I saw you hurt the priest and you beat me up. I had bruises and blood.Ē

He said, ďLet me tell you a different story. One day, I was walking down the street and there was a funeral happening. Back then people cried really loud. I looked and saw a dead boy being carried on a platform. The mom was crying a lot because this was her only son. Now he was dead. I felt so bad for this poor woman. I told her, ĎItís going to be okay.í I put my hand on the platform. Everyone stopped and looked at me. I said to the boy, ĎGet up.í And he came back to life. I carried him back to his mom and she was happy.

I did this because I love her and I felt bad for her. I feel the same way about you. Maybe your son isnít dead but the one you called daddy is as good as dead to you. I cannot bring him back to life because he was evil but I can bring you back to life. Thatís all I want to do. I just want to help you.Ē

Uncle Grantley, He tells good stories. Momma says they arenít stories. She says they really happened that way.

Jesus said, ďWould you like me to help now or am I still really scary?Ē

I said, ďScary.Ē

Then Sunshine got up and sat in his lap. But Jesus didnít move or hurt her at all. He just sat there. Then she gave Him a kiss on the cheek and a hug. Then she looked at Jesus and said, ďStand up.Ē and Jesus did it. Then she said, ďSit downĒ and He did. She said, ďTurn around three timesĒ

Jesus said, ďI wish I could but I made a promise to Jessie. Maybe we could do a different one.Ē

Sunshine came to me and said, ďWhat do you think we should make Him do? This is one of my favorite games to play with Him. Watch this! Dadda I want you to float three feet in the air.Ē

Uncle Grantley, He listened to her. He did it even though itís impossible. I decided to try telling him something impossible too. I said, ďTie your legs in a knotĒ He said, ďIt shall be done!Ē and He did it!

Then I said, ďMake that tree burn!Ē He said, ďI wonít hurt anything but you can ask me to do something different.Ē I said, ďMake a lollypop for me.Ē

He said, ďIt shall be done!Ē and He did it!

I said, ďMake one for Sunshine, too!Ē He said, ďIt shall be done!Ē and He did it!

I liked playing that game. Then I got serious. I said, ďJesus, if you really are good then you will help us. If we get around kids I will touch them and have sex with them. I will really like it, too. So, if you canít fix this then we have to kill ourselves. Will you fix me please?Ē

He said, ďIt shall be done!Ē He said, ďClose your eyes and think of a time when you couldnít stop.Ē

I did. Then, just like a movie, it was happening in front of me.

Jesus said, ďWhen you see the thing that make you do it say, ĎStop!íĒ I saw it and He said, ďNow, tell it that Jesus is your boss and He says to go away.Ē

I did it just like He said. When I told it to go away it came out of my body and looked at Jesus then zapped away. I said to Jesus, ďDo you promise that you will never hurt me like the other Jesus. Not ever?Ē

He said, ďIt is done!Ē

I said, ďYouíre supposed to say, ĎIt shall be done!íĒ

Jesus said, ďBut itís already done! Iíve never hurt you and I never will. So it is done!Ē

I said, ďOkay, then you can come close.Ē He came right in front of us. I said, ďBut please donít touch me. Iím still scared.Ē

He said, ďIt shall be done!Ē I smiled at Him.

I said, ďYou are silly, you know.Ē

He said, ďI know, just like your Momma!Ē

Momma got a shoe and playfully threw it at Him.

Then He kissed her forehead and said, ďAhh! But sheís my Ďsilly womaní and that means everything to me!Ē

Sunshine, what do you think of Jessie?Ē

Sunshine said, ďI think sheís really brave! Iím glad sheís my new friend too! I think I love her! Isnít that good?Ē

I thought it was, too. My heart was happier.

Uncle Grantley. I wonít kill us and the bad thing is gone, so I wonít touch kids and make them into Sunshines. But I hope someone will stay with me just in case. I wish that Olive person wasnít so angry. She did a good job of protecting us. It might take me a while to touch Jesus. I hope thatís okay. Iím still really nervous. But I have Momma and Sunshine and the others. I think things will get better. Thank you for loving me even when I was saying all those bad things. Iíll tell Momma that, too. Well, everyone here is exhausted. Weíre going to sleep, okay? I love you!

* * *

My Reply to Jessie

Iím glad you asked Momma to be your mommy. No one could be a better mommy. And you deserve a good one.

She gives good hugs because her love is real. Sheís special and so are you.

There are indeed lots of people who will hug you now. And you deserve it.

You found talking to Jesus scary at first but Iím proud of you for not caving into the fear. You are strong and brave. When Hazel gave Jesus a hug, she wasnít being brave, she just knows how wonderful Jesus is. Heís even safer and more wonderful than Momma and both of them want you to be happy.

Yes, he knew what you were thinking. There is nothing he cannot do and he refused to move until you told him it was okay. Heís so kind, isnít he! He listened to Sunshine and he listens to you.

When the thing inside you went away because you told it to, it means that Jesus has made you much more powerful than whatever it was that used to make you do those things. And if it ever came back you could tell it to go just like you did before.

Iím very grateful that you have decided to live. Yes, Olive did a great job of protecting you. Sheíll soon get over her anger.

You can take as long as you like in feeling okay about touching Jesus but the longer you wait the more youíll wish you hadnít waited so long. (smile)

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story, dear friend.

* * *

From Olive

Uncle Grantley, Iím really disappointed in myself. I was there when Jessie talked to Jesus. Hazel begged me to go. She begged long and hard. I finally relented. I was angry and I stood with my arms crossed. I didnít see any reason for me to be there. I wanted to scream.

Then Jesus started telling the story of the demon possessed man. He said that he saw the man and He saw the demon. He felt compassion for the man and saw that the demon was afraid of Him.

Jesus came and put His arm around my shoulder. He said, ďDid you get mad at the little girl or the demon?Ē

Uncle Grantley, I cried so hard. Jesus saw the hurt, scared man and helped. I only saw the sin of Jessie and shoved her away. I didnít see her right. I didnít see the little girl part of her. I was as bad as her abusers. They saw her as an object to be used. I saw her as garbage to be thrown away. But she wasnít. She was just a girl, not an evil monster. Iím so sorry. Iím so ashamed of myself. Iím gonna go on a hike. Iíll talk to you and Jesus when I get back. Iím sorry.

* * *

To Olive

I honor you for your change of heart, dear one. I was most surprised to see you acting so unforgiving, because it was so out of character for you, although I fully understand and support you in being adamant that no one be allowed to hurt children.

Iím proud of you!

* * *

Olive Replied

Uncle Grantley, in my life I have seen so many bad things happen to kids. I am the protector responsible for kids and we have worked with kids for a long time. Iíve seen so many bad, bad things. I donít think I can adequately explain how very protective I am of kids, especially those I see a lot. But Jesus said, ďYou arenít their protector. I am. You tried to take my job from me when you started glowering at Jessie. Your view was clouded by your past. My daughter, anytime you come across an abuser, take a second and remember that you belong to me. I am the Great Shepherd and you are just my hired person. You are supposed to take your direction from me and not from your protective spirit.Ē

Uncle Grantley, the problem isnít my protectiveness. Itís that my protectiveness doesnít obey Jesus. I let my protectiveness to overrule my relationship with my Dadda. Thatís what I did wrong. Iím sorry. I let you down and Momma down, let alone Dadda. You guys have been so kind to me and helped me in so many ways but I repaid that by hurting a child. Iím sorry. I should have done better.

* * *

My Reply

It is true that ultimately Jesus is their protector. I became disturbed when you werenít willing to consult Jesus on the matter.

You are right in understanding that you had allowed your protectiveness overrule your relationship with Dadda. I commend you for being so insightful. Well done!

You will do better from now on, my friend! You are wiser than ever now.

I think youíre wonderful!

* * *

Olive responded

I really am sorry, Uncle Grantley. I really am. Iíve been crying all day because of this.

* * *

I replied

Thereís no point in doing that, dear one. Hereís something Iíve written:


1. ĎMake upí with God straight away

Your wonderful Lord has feelings, and because you are so important to him you can cause him much grief if you neglect him or do wrong. When you discover that youíve hurt him, you may feel too ashamed to approach the God of Perfection. Or you may feel so disappointed that youíve let him down that you delay your return to God because you think you donít deserve to immediately recommence a close relationship with him. But this only increases Godís grief because it extends the period of time over which that sin affects your relationship with your loving Lord.

Some dear people are so aware of the seriousness of sin that they donít feel itís right that God should let them off scot-free and so they try to punish themselves! The most common self-imposed punishment is to deliberately feel miserable and deny oneself certain legitimate pleasures for a period of time. (This generally includes not allowing themselves the right to enjoy their relationship with God.)

On the surface, it seems a noble thing to punish oneself for sin and it indicates a strong desire to please God. However, it is important to realize that your life is not your own (1 Corinthians 6:19). Youíre Godís child (John 1:12) and you belong to him. The way a parent disciplines his child is solely the parentís concern. Just as it would be wrong for you to interfere and punish someone elseís child, so itís wrong for you to play God and try to punish yourself for your own failings.

Some people even punish themselves in the vain hope that it may help to secure their Lordís approval. But this only insults Jesus by implying that his death wasnít sufficient to gain your full forgiveness. Furthermore, believing you can help gain the Lordís approval by punishing yourself, puts yourself in a spiritually dangerous situation. It is vital to your forgiveness that you place your complete faith in Jesus alone. Only Jesus is able to obtain Godís approval of you, and so you must place no faith in your own futile attempts to please God.

Unforgiven sin separates us from our Holy God (Isaiah 59:1-2). The sooner this rift is healed, the better. So if you happen to sin, return to God straight away, sincerely ask his forgiveness and trust him for the strength to overcome that sin, so that you will not commit it again. Once God has forgiven you, you are obligated to forgive yourself, because you should have Godís attitude toward all things. To refuse to forgive ourselves is to imply we have holier standards than God!

If someone gave you a precious gift at great personal cost, wouldnít it sadden him if you refused to enjoy it? Likewise, you honor your Lord, not by beating yourself up, but by thoroughly enjoying his forgiveness.

2. Donít allow a failure to discourage you

Because Christ is now dwelling inside of you, (Colossians 1:27) you have so much power at your disposal that Satan is terrified of you (James. 4:7; 1 John 4:4). When it comes to a display of power, you will win every time. The only thing the devil can do is to try psychological warfare. If he could trick you into giving up, he has nothing to fear. He will try to discourage you. So banish all thoughts that you are Ďno good,í Ďweak,í or Ďhopeless.í Such lies are from the pit of hell. God believes in you. He is more than strong enough to overcome your every weakness. Youíre on Godís side and that means youíre on the winning side (Hebrews 2:14; Revelation 5:12; 12:9-11; 20:7-10). You are more than a conqueror through him who loves you (Romans 8:37 Ė see also Psalm 60:12; Romans 16:20; 1 Corinthians 15:57). Quote this Scripture to Satan: ĎRejoice not against me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall ariseí (Micah 7:8 Ė see also Psalm 34:19; 37:23-24; Proverbs 24:16).

Satan will put evil ideas and desires into your mind (temptation) in order to try to entice you to sin against God. But you can just ignore these thoughts. God has promised that no temptation will ever be too strong for you (1 Corinthians 10:13). Satan, of course, will try to fool you into thinking that his temptation is so strong that you will eventually have to give in to it. He will continue his bluff by trying to convince you with the lie that failure is inevitable and so there is no point in holding out any longer. He will attempt to excuse the evil act or make you feel that you canít stop yourself from sinning. If you were to believe his lies, then you will not bother to continue resisting the temptation and so, of course, you will give in and commit the sin. However, if you believe the Lordís promise (1 Corinthians 10:13) instead of Satanís lies, you wonít be bluffed into surrendering to the Satan-inspired urge to sin, even when that desire gets really strong. As you continue to hold out you will find that you will always overcome temptation because Godís Spirit dwells in you.

* * *

Jessie Wrote

Uncle Grantley, if there are other Jessies out there that need to learn the truth I want to help them. As long as I wonít hurt them, of course. I have hurt a lot of people. Maybe putting this on the Internet will help some people. That would be good, I think.

* * *

The Satanic Dimension

This webpage is almost complete but the following, though drastically condensed to lessen your reading, is too relevant to omit.

As is normal in healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder, almost as soon as Jessie had her breakthrough, a new crisis arose in the form of an alter not previously known to Violet. Calling herself Contempt, this alter was strongly satanic in beliefs and commitment. The strong connection with the rest of this webpage became apparent only after several email exchanges with Contempt. For your sake, I will immediately zero in on it. She wrote:

    I know that Jessie wants to talk to Jesus but I will not allow that any longer. These people [ Violet and her alters ] need to suffer. They were made for me so that I could be powerful in the outside world. They are my slaves and should respond to my command. They are mine. I will tell Licentious [ another alter ] to seduce a man and she will. Then they will fail Jesus and feel guilty and I will have more power over them. I will demoralize anyone I can get my hands on.

    Jessie was made to ruin children. I will cause her to do that in the morning. She will feel the soft mound between a girlís legs. She will gently stroke a boyís genitals.

    They must all do their jobs and the children must suffer. I will taste and savor their suffering. It will give me life and health. This is what I will do. No one can stop me!

There were a number of e-mail exchanges in which Contempt proved as resistant to what I said about Satan and Jesus, as Jessie had been to my attempts to prove that being a sexual predator is wrong. Here is a condensed version of her e-mails (with swear words replaced by @#!%). To keep it short, Iíve particularly slashed my own responses. To make it more obvious which are my comments, they are not only in a different color but in bold (not because they are important but because bold can be a little harder to read and my comments are shorter). Contempt wrote:

    Chains [ another alter ] tells me that I should talk to Jesus. Iím not talking to that @#!% man. Iím just not. Donít even try to force me to do it. I know ďitís a pityĒ. Blah, blah, blah! ďJesus is your best friend, ever.Ē I fell for those lies once before. Iíll not do it again.

    All these people here [ alters ] who have decided to change their name donít deserve it. [ As they healed, Violetís alters with degrading names had changed their names to more noble ones. ] They are all just worthless trash. Thatís why I called her Chains. She is just worthless and should keep her @#!% name. There is a reason why they put her in chains. Itís the same for Licentious [ another alter ]. She is a worthless tramp. And Little Sister... [ another alter ] needs to remember that she is just the human form of cattle. They are all worthless. To think anything different is foolish. Well, anyways, I smell the fire and the burning flesh all the time. I would like to not smell it. Chains says that maybe you can help.

    ďJesus is loveĒ and all the warm fuzzy @#!%. Well, @#!%! He is not. And you are all fools, @#!% fools, to think He is that kind of @#!%. Oh, He can be all warm and fuzzy...if you donít mind the razor blades inside! Itís all just a @#!% illusion. Wise up! We need to find the priest and the outside Jesus [ the fake Jesus ]. Thatís what Iím going to do. Iím going to find them and go back to them. They are my home. We WILL return. Then everything will go back to the way it was. All these dumb asses will remember their place. Thatís just it.

    Wait, what the @#!%! Why canít I control this @#!% body? What the @#!% is happening!

    Iím not stupid! Iíve known lots of warm fuzzy people. All of them were liars. There are only two people that have told the truth every time. The priest and [ the fake ] Jesus. Them only.

    They have abandoned you.

    How do you know?

    They havenít been around for literally decades and none of you told them to go away. Do the math. The year is 2016. Work out how old that makes them now and how long it is that they have had no contact with you.

    I donít know why it has been so long. Usually they tell me so I can keep things in line. But no matter. Man, things have gotten way out of control around here! What the @#!% did you guys do this for! There is no point to all of this! Monster [ another alter ] and I talked. We both agree. We are headed for trouble. I donít know how we are going to get out of this one. @#!%.

    If the priest and what you call the ďoutside JesusĒ are not liars, how come the ďoutside JesusĒ is nothing like the Jesus in the Bible, who is good and kind and all-powerful and objects to sex, except as a never ending union between an adult man and woman who are totally committed to each other for life?

    You mean those fairy tales for little kids? Thatís like Santa Claus. You expect me, a near-adult, to accept a fairy tale as truth? I think not!

    How come you found yourself compelled to obey the real Jesus when he told you to sit down on the bench? [ Violet had told me about this recent encounter. ]

    Because Iím not stupid. You donít disobey Jesus. You just donít.

    Since this Jesus has so much power, how come he never hurt you?

    Iím sure he has his reasons. Heís been nice to others before. Eventually the claws come out.

    Things have to go back [ to the way they were before alters healed ]. This is SO bad! Iím glad Monster found me...@#!%! Look at this place! If the priest ever finds out about this weíll be dead! @#!%, @#!%, @#!%!

    How old were you when the priest and the fake Jesus started with you, and how old when they stopped having contact with you? Do the math. Work out how many times longer than that it is that they have had nothing to do with you.

    Yes, yes, yes. Over ten times longer. Itís been a long time. I realize you think Iím being irrational. If you were in my shoes and knew what I knew youíd say the same thing. You are only working on partial information.

    [ Of course, I did all I could to explain that it was Contempt who was missing so much vital information. Then I added:]

    Your parts now have more control of their lives than ever before.

    Yes, this is true and itís part of the problem.

    The priest etc were liars and used threats they could never keep to make you their slaves. Now you are finally free.

    Free...there is no such thing. We are all slaves.

    The gospel accounts are historical records. A ďJesusĒ who molests people is completely without any historical basis.

    Yes, and Santa Claus was a historical man. The stories told about him are not true.

    You claim to be so smart and powerful and youíre scared of a Jesus you claim is a fairy tale???

    Jesus isnít a fairy tale, but the stories in that book certainly are. Historical records my ass!

    How come being free from the priest has been going on for decades and you are all still alive?

    I donít know...I just donít know. Donít get me wrong. Iím glad weíre alive and all. But I know these people.

    You and Violet, and everyone else, donít understand. I intend to find my kind again. I donít care about your fairy tale Jesus. I intend to go back and worship the true god. I owe my life to him. I am accountable to him. If I am not allowed to follow my master. I will perform the ritual [ a way of summoning demons ]. I will do this as soon as I figure out how to get control back. You can go follow your fairy tale master all you want. He has all that warm, gushy stuff. It is nothing compared to the raw power found in Satan. Enjoy these fools while you can. I love, serve and worship Satan.

    [ A little later, Contempt wrote: ] What is going on here!? Why wonít this work!? Itís worked all the other times!

    I waited till Violet was asleep and gave her innumerable nightmares and still I got nowhere! [ Contempt means she tried in vain to get Hazel to relent by tormenting Violet with nightmares. ] This Hazel character was unmovable and implacable. I donít even recognize her. I thought I knew everyone! What is going on?!

    [ Later: ] Hazel says I should look for the truth. But how do I know what truth is?

    How did Hazel stop all my demon friends? And, even if I talked to this nice, gentle Jesus Heíd just send me packing.

Comments: As is typical of such alters (and it is rather similar with demons) Contempt had tried acting tough, scary and powerful, but it was all a desperate attempt at bluff. She was just a frightened little girl, terrified that she could never escape the priest and that upon his return she would not only be forced to submit to him again but, unless she could bluff everyone in reverting to the way things used to be when the priest had been there, she and all the other alters would be severely punished for alters no longer remaining under her control and no longer acting in the roles the priest had assigned for them.

Our dialog kept continuing but the final breakthrough occurred when Contempt realized that even if the priest returned to try to re-claim her she could truly be free of the cult because of the real Jesus.

* * *

Update from Jessie

Itís been almost a year since I first made myself known to everyone inside. Daddy [Jesus] would never, ever touch anyone in a bad way, but at the end of my part of the story above, I was still having problems trusting him. But I remember the day it finally happened. It was like Mommaís wonderful hug but it made me complete.

Sunshine and I had become good friends. We went everywhere together. I was always in physical contact with her and she returned that affection eagerly. One day she said, ďYou know, Jessie, we are two sides of the same coin. We both had it really bad. But hereís the difference between you and me. Daddy and I hug each other. That means I get to experience more of his love and you donít!Ē She looked at me impishly.

I was stunned to silence. I hadnít thought of it that way. I laughed and said, ďIs that a dare?Ē She smiled and said, ďYouíd better believe it!Ē

Iím not one to turn down a dare. So I immediately turned around to find Daddy. It wasnít a long hunt because he was behind me a little way. He almost looked bashful! I straightened my shoulders and walked determinedly toward him. The whole time Iím trying to figure out where Iím going to touch him. His arm? Head? Shoulder? Probably not his leg. That would be awkward.

I ran out of time before I figured it out. I ended up standing in front of him like a deer in the headlights. He simply and slowly brushed the hair from my face. It was such a tender gesture that my heart melted. I grabbed his hand and put it on my cheek. We touched foreheads and just stood there like that. It seemed an eternity to me but Sunshine said it was just a few minutes. In that simple touch I felt the lies I had believed dissolve, and the trauma I had suffered through became reality. I wept tears by the bucket full. But at the same time, I was receiving his love more fully than ever before. Half the buckets of tears were of joy and the other half was sorrow. His touch made everything Iíve been through livable because I was finally complete in him.

Then I started having flashbacks. They made me feel like I was flying apart at the seams. But one touch from Daddy always brings my seams back together. Heís my solid base. Our body is regularly around kids. That can be hard for me, not because I feel attracted to them (I donít anymore), but because I remember the kids I abused and I feel guilty because of that. The good thing is that feelings arenít truth. Feelings are just feelings. They change. The truth doesnít. The truth is that the highest court in the universe has judged me guilty but my Daddy took the punishment my guilt deserved. Now my record has been expunged and I am blameless. And thatís the highest court in the land! If any other court, whether that court is in me or someone else, tried to lay blame on me I can stand tall because I know that I am not guilty any longer. Thatís the truth.

If you are like me, then please know that there is hope. Things really do get better and better. It only takes one thing. It takes Jesus. Heís the key to it all. He makes those who are guilty innocent. He makes those who are in pieces whole. He makes the old new. Itís who he is. The funny thing is, once you ask his forgiveness, he doesnít have any other choice than to forgive you. Itís who he is! So, my dear friend, if you are the one who is in a situation to me; talk to Daddy. When you feel guilty; talk to Daddy. When the lies you believed hound you; talk to Daddy. When it seems like you will never stop crying; talk to Daddy. Youíll note that I think Daddy is important. He is. It is because of him that I have a good life and I am full of peace. You can have this too.

If you are the person trying to help someone who was like me this is my advice: What Grantley, Momma and Sunshine did for me is give me a ďpractice JesusĒ. That way I was ready for the real thing when it was time. They were kind to me and I felt loved and forgiven by them before I drew close to Daddy. Some people need a ďpractice JesusĒ. Be that for your friend. When they finally talk to Daddy they will be open to his love because you acted like him.

* * *

Final Comment by Grantley

To explain more about the demonic influence in certain highly sexualized alters, I have a webpage about a woman who was addicted to having sex with demons. Until they were challenged enough to reveal their true nature, these undeniably real demons seemed to this woman to be imaginary friends with whom she had exceptionally pleasurable fantasy sex. Although not mentioned in the webpage, this woman had Dissociative Identity Disorder. See Demons? Imaginary Friends. The links at the end of that page provide further help with combatting demons.

* * *

More Help

How to Help & Cure a Sexually Abusive Demonized Alter

[Much More about Dissociative Identity Disorder] [Other Topics] [Bless & Be Blessed by Facebook]
[Daily Quotes] [E-Mail Me] [My Shame]

Not to be sold. © Copyright, Grantley Morris, 2016. For much more by the same author, see   No part of these writings may be copied without citing this entire paragraph.



Help for Alters with Alarming Sex Needs

  Multiple Personalities & Perverted, Out-Of-Control Sexual Cravings


Grantley Morris