Dissociative Identity Disorder

How Jesus Helped an Alter Sleep Peacefully


An alter wrote to me saying:

I’m getting good at sleeping! I didn’t have any bad dreams today! And I got right to sleep! Daddy is showing me how to. And my teddy bear is from Daddy and it makes me feel like I’m hugging him. It has all his hugs in it! I love Daddy! He gives the best hugs! I bet you give good ones too but Daddy’s are the best, sorry!

Daddy is this alter’s name for Jesus. Bad dad is what she calls her abusive father, who actually died years ago but to her he seems very real, especially in her nightmares. I would not hug this alter because the danger of alters bonding too much with their counselor is serious. In any case, I live the opposite side of the world and have only had email contact with her. I was thrilled, however that she said Jesus’ hugs are best, and in my reply I reaffirmed this. It is important that she bonds with him and with other parts who share her body rather than with me.

Anyhow, I asked what Jesus has been showing her. Here’s her reply:

I didn’t like sleeping because bad dad always came in and did bad things to me. I thought that if I stayed awake then bad dad couldn’t get me. So I tried staying awake. I stayed awake and bad dad didn’t come but eventually my body fell asleep even when I didn’t want to. Then bad dad would do bad things and I’d wake up in the middle of the bad things. That made me hate waking up. Then I could only think about the bad things. That made me have nightmares – lots of them.

It seemed that staying awake kept me safe, so I practiced staying awake. I’m really good at it.

Then I found Daddy. He said that it was time for me to sleep and that he would show me how.

He gave me a sleeping class. He said that sleep is a gift from him. He invented it because it helps us have energy. It helps us think clearly and gives us a time of peace. But bad dad ruined that because the bad things got tangled up with the good things. That means it’s time to untangle them – a little like untangling shoe laces.

So Daddy said, “The first thing to do is start getting in bed the right way.” He picked me up and told me how much he loved me. “Cassie,” he said, “I love you more than you can ever know. More than all the stars in the sky. More than all the sand on the sea. I’d do everything I can to keep you safe.”

Then he brought me in my cabin [in her inside, imaginary world, Cassie lives in a holiday camp]. “What things are you scared of?” he asked.

I thought about that. If I told him, then I’d have to mention my bad dad out loud. I’ve never done that before. I think Daddy can hear my thinking because he said, “Cassie, I already know the scariest thing that happened to you and I still love you and think you are magnificent. It didn’t ruin you and you don’t have to keep it secret anymore. You can tell me and it will help get the tangle looser.”

So I told him the bad thing. Then I said, “I’m scared that if I go to sleep, my bad dad will come in my dreams and he will touch me in my private area.”

Daddy said, “Okay, the first thing to do is make sure there aren’t any bad dads in your cabin.” So we looked everywhere. It took a long time because I looked in every place twice. There were no bad dads. But then I realized that it didn’t make sense. Bad dad comes in my dreams and I’ve been looking in the inside world. Those are different places.

Daddy said, “The two worlds are connected. If we make your brain understand that there is no bad dad in this world then it won’t have bad dreams with bad dad in it.”

So we checked one more time just to be certain. Then I said, “But maybe he’ll sneak in. Then my private area will get touched.”

Daddy gave me a special pair of panties. I am the only one who can take them off. I thought that was good. But bad dad is big and I am little. If he told me to take them off, I would have to do it. So Daddy made my panties get stuck on when it is night. Even I can’t get them off! But that made me nervous too. What if I had an accident? Then we came up with the perfect solution. There is a lock on my panties and Daddy has the key. No one can beat him and he’s really nice and loves me more than anything! If I need to get my panties off he will give me the key. We decided to put a lock on my pajamas, too – just in case.

Then I said, “But I don’t even want to think about bad dad! How can I do that?”

“I’ll just stay with you,” replied Daddy, “and if you need to stop thinking about bad dad you can just look at me instead!”

I like that because if the bad dad came in, my Daddy would make him go away! Then I thought about the door opening and how scary it would be to see the bad dad. And what if he shouted at me?

So Daddy made a sound proof bubble around my cabin and he put angels all around. I was sure nothing could get me now!

Then I got sad. “But, what if the bad dreams come? That would be just like if the bad dad were there.”

“Then you will wake up and see me,” said Daddy, “and I will hold you till you are feeling safe again.”

“But Daddy, I never feel safe,” I replied.

Then Daddy smiled really big and said, “That just means I get to do my most favorite thing! I get to hold my baby girl all night long! Should we start now?”

“Yes!” I replied. I climbed up in his big, strong, gentle arms and I went to sleep. It took a while but I did. Then a dream came and I woke up screaming. Daddy was there when I woke up. He just held me and stroked my hair and sang to me JJ Heller’s song, Keep You Safe about how it is just a dream and I can go back to sleep because he loves me and will slay all my dragons and watch over me

He just sang it again and again until I was asleep. He did that all night long. He did it like that every day for weeks. Then I started to feel safe and I didn’t have that many nightmares. If I had one it was a tiny one and I just saw him and went back to sleep fast.

Then Daddy said it was time to try something new. He put me in my bed and kissed me on the forehead. Then he sang songs to me while I rested in bed. He put his hand on my arm so I would know that he’s there. Then the nightmares came back and I had to listen to Daddy sing that song again and again. We did that again until Daddy was outside the door.

That’s how I learned to sleep safe in my bed. During the day, Daddy and I played thinking games. At first it was easy. He sent me a thought like I was eating jello and a furry little ball with eyes and a smile jumped out. My job was to make it not scary. So I sent Daddy a thought about making the ball my new pet! Now I play with my new pet. His name is Sally.

I asked Daddy why he was playing this game. He replied that it helps my mind grow strong enough to repel bad thoughts all by itself. That’s important for getting good sleep. He said I need to have a strong mind.

Then, little by little, the games got harder.

Daddy sent me the thought of bad dad coming in my room and I thought about Daddy coming in and snapping his fingers and turning bad dad into a funny clown who juggled and told funny jokes. I learned that the funnier the solution the better I felt.

Then a few weeks ago Daddy said, “I have a job for you, my little bunny,” (he’s so silly, calling me names like that!), “I want you to sleep in the outside world.”

I was really scared at first. But Daddy just wanted me to practice by sneaking a look. If I had a nightmare I could just go inside and be with him. We had to go through the same process as inside but it was easier.

Then Daddy said, “My little bean, [he’s so silly!] I want you to sleep for mommy in the outside world.” That’s why mommy had so many nightmares. I was just practicing. Practicing isn’t as scary anymore though. I know that my brain just has to get used to the idea that it’s okay now and Daddy is here to protect me. Last night I slept without any nightmares! Daddy says he is proud of me for making my brain really strong and facing every nightmare with him.

That’s how come we have no more nightmares when I’m doing the sleeping. Daddy got me a strong brain! That’s how Daddy taught me about sleeping!

* * *

Related Pages

When Stress & Trauma Cause Insomnia

Sleep Problems & Dissociative Identity Disorder

Help with Nightmares

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