For ten to twelve years I was spiritually robbed. I was plagued with blasphemous thoughts, found it hard to believe that God could keep on forgiving me when I failed, and was often haunted with thoughts that seemed supernaturally verified that I had gone beyond the point of no return. Guilt and condemnation caused me to withdraw from God out of fear. The downward spiral ate into my faith and rendered me ineffective in my Christian life.
I had commenced my Christian walk greatly enjoying the ‘feelings’ of being saved and filled with the Holy Spirit. In those early days God graciously pandered to my insecurity. For example, I would be driving along worrying about my relationship with God when a car with a Scripture on the back would drive in front that would speak to my situation. My mistake was to not move beyond this. I got caught up in wanting God to confirm spiritual truths by outward signs and feelings, instead of simply trusting his Word.
Eventually, I started having cars coincidently turn up with ‘666’ or ‘H3LL’ in the license plate, when I was feeling low. I would walk into a bookshop and my eyes would fall on a headline or book with either ‘hell’ or ‘666’ or ‘devil’ in the title. I would fill with dread and fear, and the more I feared it, the more it occurred.
Once, I woke up at exactly 11:34. From the angle I was at, combined with the way digital letters are made on alarm clocks, it read to me H3LL. You may think I was mad but I could tell of hundreds of such occasions that go beyond mere coincidence.
I tried to explain it to other Christians. They said it was just the devil trying to trick me into feeling false condemnation, since ‘there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus’(Romans 8:1) Regrettably, I never managed to truly accept that explanation. I thought I had been rejected of God. Once I was in a car park praying that God stop this from happening, and the moment I opened my eyes the car that drove into the car park in front of me had ‘666’ in the number plates. My neighbor got a car that had ‘666’ in the number plate. One also turned up where I work. I suffered such anxiety over these things that it caused health problems including colitis, which is stress related, and heart palpitations.
Deeply disturbed, I found it hard to understand how, if this was the devil, he could make certain cars turn up at just the right time, such as on Sunday, just after an encouraging sermon service. Did he really have power to do this? Why was God allowing this to happen? Was God saying I am damned?
Once I was in a meeting and the preacher called me forward, saying God had given him a word for me. I had never heard nor met the preacher before. He said I was being attacked by a spirit of condemnation and fear. It was amazing how God spoke to me through this. At the time, it brought great relief, enabling me to realize that God really loved me and had not rejected me. But it only lasted for a while. Then it all started again.
Gradually, however, I came to realize that it was a ploy of the enemy to try to keep me from trusting God and to make me withdraw from God in fear. I’ve learned that feelings cannot be relied on and that God wants us to believe him, taking him at his Word.
I often feel the peace and presence of God, but I know God wants us weaned off feelings and to trust him, regardless of how we feel or what we see. As I chose to believe God, rather than these vague attacks of fear, they happened less and less. Now and again, when completely unexpected, it can happen again, but now I almost laugh to myself because I have seen through the enemy’s lie.
I think God allowed this to happen to stop me from relying on signs, and learn to rely on the truth of his Word, which is permanent and does not change. My mind is much more settled these days. So I praise God that forgiveness is always possible when sought in Christ, and that he has delivered me from my fears by weaning me off a reliance upon supernatural signs or feelings.
Comment by Grantley
There’s another testimony about 666 by a devout Christian that I’d love to include. He is now very strong in Christ and is no longer fooled that it indicated that God had left him. The frequent occurrences were so obviously supernatural, however, that he refuses to have it published because he considers doing so would glorify the power of Satan. In my opinion the opposite is true – him maintaining faith in the Christ’s saving power despite that remarkable and repeated onslaught glorifies God.
You Need More:
If you want a rest from reading, now is a good time. If you worry that you are in spiritual danger, however, you will need to return to these webpages whenever you can and read more. Record the web address of the next webpage before leaving.
Blasphemy Against the Holy Spirit: A Testimony of Hope
To Skip Testimonies: When a Christian Commits Gross Sin
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to be copied in whole or in part without citing this entire paragraph.
Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings
by Grantley Morris available free at the following internet site
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The Beginning The only way to not miss any of this feast of uplifting webpages about false guilt is to start at Feeling Condemned? There’s Hope! and follow each link. You won’t regret it!
Feeling Rejected by God An important part of this series of webpages
Unforgivable? The part of the series that deals with the unforgivable sin
Testimonies They thought they were unforgivable
Scriptures Some of the vast number of Scriptures proving that you can be forgiven
God Loves Me? Receive Your Very Own Revelation of God’s Love A separate, very important series
Demons The beginning of a series of webpages
Dealing with Depression and Discouragement
God & Suffering Coping with fears that God might be harsh and unloving
Becoming a Winner Breaking addictions and besetting sins
Encouragement When You Feel Defeated
Index to Entire Site A treasure trove of stimulating, compassionate, often humorous, webpages for Christians by the same author on a vast number of topics. This website is enormous!
Scripture quotations are from the New International Version © Copyright, 1978 by New York International Bible Society
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