I realize now that this torment coincides with my asking God for a renewal of the Holy Spirit in my life and a commitment to evaluate all of my actions to the standard of “does what I am doing help to build up or to break apart the kingdom of God?” as well as with a renewed effort to resist certain temptations.

I began to weep as I realized that this is the devil preying upon my weakness as I attempt to come closer to God, and as I read more I again became confident in Christ’s saving power. I could feel the weight lifting off of me.

Thank you for being a vehicle for God’s love at a crucial and difficult time. I would appreciate your prayers as well as your discretion (I haven’t told my wife about this at all, or anyone else. I was too ashamed of my thoughts).

Above all praise the Lord Jesus Christ for his remarkable gift!

Comment by Grantley

Note that this attack was not because the person was slipping but because of a spiritual advance. The forces of darkness were apparently seeing his renewed determination as a threat. If we could fully discern the spirit realm we would probably see the attack as a mark of honor.

This testimony is shared with permission, but on the condition that the person’s name not be revealed. Suffering such tormenting but needless shame reminds me of many survivors of child sex abuse who have confided in me. What makes child molesters particularly despicable is that innocents not only suffer horrifically but they are usually hoodwinked into believing that what they have suffered is their fault, not the molester’s. It is sad that so many dear folk who have been spiritually molested through no fault of their own – often specifically because they were making significant spiritual progress – battle similar crippling shame, when they are actually God’s darling, innocent children.

There’s Still More: C. H. Spurgeon Confessed To Blasphemous Thoughts

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