Start at Part 1: An Alter Meets Jesus
Healing from sexual abuse and Dissociative Identity Disorder
Jesus is Safe
How Jesus interacts with someone with Multiple Personality Disorder to bring healing from sex abuse
A woman Iíll call Violet had a father who used to do bad things to her when she was a child. She has over a hundred alters who are now healing. When one of her little alters became aware of those alters who were healing and noticed that they called Jesus ĎDaddy,í she became very frightened of Jesus. Knowing nothing about fathers other than her experience of her own father, she mistakenly supposed Jesus must be like her father who used to touch her in bad ways. I told her that her father had been bad and explained that Jesus was nothing like him and that it would really help her to get to know Jesus. Shocked to hear that her father had not acted in love, it took her some time to get her head around the implications. Although still scared, she eventually mustered the courage to talk with Jesus. The following is what she told me about it. Please don't be alarmed by the way it commences; Jesus, as always, proved himself totally safe.|
You said the new Daddy loves me, and the bad Dad did not love me. That made me so sad and scared and all sorts of other things. It took me a long time, but I was finally brave enough to try talking to Daddy. I was shy, but Daddy put me on his lap. Thatís what bad Dad would do, so that he could touch me, and I thought that maybe thatís what Daddy wanted. So I opened my legs a little for him. But he just closed my legs and sang me a song!
The song started with an Ooh and ended with a kiss, and all along the middle it goes something like this: ďOoh, snuggle puppy of mine, everything about you is especially fine. I love what you are. I love what you do. Fuzzy little snuggle puppy, I love you.Ē
I was so happy! He didnít want touching. He just wanted singing and he sang that song! When he was all done, he said, ďItís a true song! Everything about you is perfect for me. I love watching you move around and I love the way you look at things. And I will never touch your private parts and I donít have any for you to touch!Ē
I thought he was being silly. He must have private parts. Everyone has a pee-pee. Thatís how you go pee-pee! ďBut how do you go pee-pee?Ē I asked.
He said he digests everything perfectly so he doesnít need to go pee-pee.
I hugged his neck and said, ďPromise?Ē and he promised me.
Now I know for certain that he wonít touch my panties. He would never break a promise!
I gave him a big hug and he sang, ďI say, Ooh, snuggle puppy of mine, everything about you is especially fine. I love what you are. I love what you do. Ooh I love you.Ē
Isnít that the happiest?!
For a brief biblical/intellection discussion of issues raised by this, see The Risen Jesus is Not Sexual & has No Genitals?
Mary is another sexual abuse survivor with multiple personalities. She is single and in her twenties. Tragically, many abuse survivors marry before healing from their sexual abuse. The result is sheer torture for both survivors and their partners. To enter a rich, fulfilling marriage, Mary and her alters must reach the point where they can fully trust a man, physically. The following account shows Jesus working towards the healing Mary and her alters need in order to enjoy the full life he longs to bless her with Ė which most likely includes marriage.
As essential as human touch is for a childís present and future well-being, it is just as essential that touch always be as warm, harmless and non-sexual as a teddy bear. Can Jesus offer this? How safe is he? People with Dissociative Identity Disorder have had their trust violated Ė often sexually, by people who seemed good and dependable Ė and are understandably terrified of a repeat, no matter how illogical it may seem.
Jesus is more than just purer than any other human. Nor does he merely exercise total, never-ending sexual restraint like no other man. Jesus is God. He is completely sexless.
As one of Maryís alters, Little One, implied in the previous webpage, (which is best read before proceeding) Jesus particularly focuses on doing for alters what would be inappropriate or too risky for friends or counselors to attempt. Only Jesus is totally safe and pure and never gets his timing wrong. He never abuses. He is always innocent and non-sexual. In the following incidents, Little One always felt safe. Nothing turned bad and with Jesus nothing ever would. To be with Jesus is the safest place in the universe.
Among the tragedies that sexual abuse typically brings is that something innocent becomes so associated with past trauma that anything remotely like that innocent thing triggers terror, revulsion or some other unpleasant reaction. In the following account we see Jesus beginning to undo the damage by returning something innocent back to the status of harmless fun.
The following account is by Star, another of Maryís alters. The instant Star received Christís salvation, her pristine innocence was established spiritually. Now Jesus is healing her by progressively restoring her innocence psychologically, so that in her mind and instinctive reactions she is like someone who had never been hurt. Never would Jesus cross the line. He is not only himself the personification of innocence, his goal is the restoration of innocence in all of his children. He is in the process of so fully undoing Maryís sexual past that when she is ready for marriage, he will, as the proudest of fathers, present her to her husband-to-be as a chaste virgin, both spiritually and psychologically.
The following is from Star, written several days after the previous webpage.
Then, out of nowhere, Little One came running through the room and tackled Jesus from behind, landing on his back. He flipped her over his shoulder. She landed on my bed and he started tickling her. She was laughing so hard. Jesus was laughing, too, and it made me laugh. After a while he let her breathe a bit, and then started playing with the end of her shirt. That scared me. Until then, I had been having so much fun, but raising her bottom of her shirt a little made me very uncomfortable. I almost ran away, but Iím glad I didnít. He lifted the shirt just enough to blow on her belly. She screamed with laughter and played with his hand. She obviously felt delightfully safe but I was scared. I didnít understand. I didnít like him doing that. According to my experience, this is how abuse starts. It starts innocent and then gets bad.
I asked Jesus to leave. I didnít want him tucking me in or anything. I was shocked that he actually listened to me and left. If Jesus isnít safe, why did he obey me, a little girl? Why was he so nice?
In the morning, Jesus came in, woke up Little One and then sat on my bed. He talked to me about what happened that night. He said that he would never do anything like what those men did to us. He had no interest in that and said that I am perfectly safe with him, just as Little One and Baby are. He said it was good of me to be protective of Little One and try to keep people from hurting her again. He said he was proud of me. He swore to me, on him being God, that he would never do anything sexual to us and would help us if anyone else ever tried to hurt any of us.
Then we got up and did things for the day, but what was cool was that he came in to talk to me again that night. He sat on my bed and told me how proud of me he was and how I had done such a good job in learning to trust him. We talked about some of my bad memories and he made me feel better. The memories donít hurt as much now. He said we can talk about them again some other time.
Little One came running in and tried to pounce on Jesus again. He moved and she landed on my bed. Then he started to tickle her in an utterly pure, safe and non-sexual way. She really likes that. I sat there watching and he asked me to help him. So I started tickling her under her arms and then he blew on her belly again. This time I wasnít as scared. She was fighting him away again and I grabbed her arms. Now she couldnít use her hands when Jesus tickled her or blew on her belly. She just kicked her feet and laughed until she couldnít breathe.
Thatís when Jesus stopped tickling her and came after me. I wasnít ready for it so he got me very easily. I tried to tickle him, but I couldnít. I was laughing too hard. My face turned red and I hit him with my pillow. When he gave me a break, Little One and I tackled him. It was so much fun. Then we took the pillows off the bed and started a pillow fight with him. We hit him a bunch of times before he made it to Little Oneís bed to get her pillow. After we were all worn out, he sat with both of us and read us a story. Little One fell asleep leaning on him and I was close to sleep, too, so he stopped and tucked us in for the night.
I think you will be excited for me, Grantley, about what I am about to say and I hope you are proud of me. I know Jesus is. I had a horrible nightmare. I was tossing and turning all over. I woke Little One and she got Jesus for me.
I felt someone touch my arm and I screamed. When I opened my eyes, there was Jesus and Little One looking so sad for me. Jesus had a look of love deep in his eyes. I was scared and started crying. Little One left the room, but Jesus put out his arms. I crawled out of bed and into his lap. He balled me up like he does Little One and put his head on top of mine. He rocked me while I cried. He asked me what my nightmare was about and I told him between sobs. He just rocked me and held me tight until I stopped crying.
After a few minutes, I got out of his lap, but he didnít look at all angry. My father used to yell at me and call me mean names if I woke up with nightmares. But Jesus was so loving. He just wanted me to feel better and be able to sleep. He tucked me back in bed and wiped my face with his hand. Thatís when I saw the tear in his eye, too. He sat on my bed, handed me my teddy bear, kissed my forehead, and rubbed my back until I fell asleep again.
As funny as this is for me to say this: I think I am beginning to love Jesus. He is very nice and I feel safe with him now, even when he blows on Little Oneís belly.
I asked him if he thought I was stupid for having a teddy bear and he said he thought I was very smart for keeping it because it helped me to feel safe and that was all that mattered.
Since that night, I have felt much better about him and Iíve sat in his lap with Little One sometimes. I let him tickle me and I will chase him around with Little One. I can give him hugs and Iím not afraid to cry in front of him anymore. He wipes away my tears and replaces them with his kisses.
I like spending time with him and he makes me feel good and safe wherever we go. I still get scared and he is okay with that. He gives me space and leaves me alone when I am struggling and need it. But now I know that I can come to him even when I am scared, when I have bad dreams, or just want to be loved. He is there for me whenever I call him.
I try not to ask for too much. He says I can ask as much as I need or want and he will give me what is best, but Iím still scared he will get tired of me. He says he wonít, but for some reason, that doesnít take away my fear. Iíve never had anyone stay in my life for long. They are around for a few years, maybe, then they move on. I am trying to believe him and not listen to my heart, but the fear is there and sometimes it gets the best of me. He says thatís when I need to run to him the most, but I havenít yet.
He still lets me go off by myself and waits for me to call him or come back. Then he gives me a big hug and says he is proud of me. I like it when he says that. It makes me feel good. I feel important. Someone not only notices, but cares to pay attention and stick around for a little while.
Mary [Starís host] is having serious problems at work. I told Jesus all the things that scare me about that and he said that I donít need to worry about it because he knows what he wants to see happen. He wouldnít tell me what that was, but he assured me he has a plan. He also said that these fears will come back and all I need to do is remind myself of what he said or come find him again and he will tell me as many times as I need to hear it. He promised he wonít ever get tired of telling me. Jesus really understands me.
Alters Meet Father God About how safe and kind Jesus and Father God are
The following is just a sample of the help available. For a full list, see
About Multiple Personality Disorder:
Godís Love for Alters A Word from Jesus to an Alter, For all Alters
© 2008, 2017 Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author.
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