Can self-hatred be cured? How do I stop hating myself? What can be done for low self-esteem?

Hate Yourself?

Compassionate Help for Self-hate

Answers to Self-Loathing and Low Self-Esteem

By Grantley Morris

I hate myself

Hate Yourself? is a valuable webpage, especially in directing you to other webpages that address specific issues related to hating yourself. On the other hand, I Hate Myself! Bible Help for Spiritual Depression & Self-Loathing and Cure for self-hate, inferiority complex or low self-esteem: Christian help if you hate yourself are must-read pages that address self-hate directly. Their only draw back is that it they are not so enormously long as to target in detail all the matters mentioned in the following links. So the choice is yours: keep reading or visit I Hate Myself! and Cure for self-hate, inferiority complex or low self-esteem.

There is much material – more than can be read in one sitting – because I want you to give you much support. So I suggest that you note the web address of this current page so after visiting links you can return here later.

self hatred

“I hate myself!” I exclaimed, and meant it passionately.

“Why don’t you practice what you preach?” asked the friend who heard me. She knew I’d offer help and encouragement to anyone who felt like I did.

I decided to take that advice and before long I felt much better.

There are many possible reasons for self-hatred and the different causes need different cures. So the purpose of this short webpage is to direct you to web resources specifically designed to zero in on the particular cause that is afflicting you.

If you not only hate yourself but hate the Christian God, I suggest you start with Where Was God When You Suffered Unspeakable Horrors? and Why I Hate the Myth of a Cruel Christian God.

self hatred

Holding strong resentment toward someone, can have the unexpected effect of insidiously feeding our own self-hatred. For help with this serious problem, see Revenge!

If you feel unlovable, exploring the pages on God Loves Me? Receive Your Very Own Revelation of God’s Love could prove invaluable.

Should you be feeling down because of a break up, see You Can Find Love: What your Fantasies Reveal and Recovering From a Break-Up.

Perhaps loneliness is a significant factor in your low self-esteem. If so, Overcoming Loneliness: Practical Help is worth checking out. If being single causes your self-esteem to plunge, see Help For Singles.

Another of the many causes of self-loathing is blaming yourself for something terrible that happened to you.

Many powerful psychological forces pressure us to blame ourselves. I delve into each factor in greater depth in the links provided and by exploring them you will be more convinced about how easy it is to be mistaken about our belief that we are at fault. Exploring this immediately, however, would be counterproductive because it would most likely only cause us to shift the blame. Despite initially seeming like welcome relief, shifting the blame ends up like moving a red hot iron from burning our back to burning our stomach. What we most need is an overview to see where the blame game leads. For the important broader picture, see Serious, Do-It-Yourself Healing From Emotional Pain.

I despise myself

For a brief look at how we might not be nearly as blameworthy as we think, keep reading the next few paragraphs. Otherwise, move down to Further Reasons for Self-Hatred.

Why We can Wrongly Blame Ourselves

    An obvious factor in self-blame is that hindsight allows you to see things you might have been able to do to avoid the horrible experience. The key point, however, is that only after the event could you be certain where things were leading. Suppose, for example you were conned or attacked. Only the offender knew ahead of time his evil intentions. Only afterward were you able to know how depraved the offender was. You were caught off guard and when things escalated you were paralyzed by shock. If you had suffered previous offenses, instead of the sickening experience making you wiser, it would actually deaden your ability to avoid the situation. Having once been subjected to a situation in which resistance was useless (a child being overpowered or outwitted by an adult, for example) saps the fight out of us by leaving us strongly pressured to believe that in a similar situation resistance will again achieve nothing. For more about this crippling psychological force, see Learned Helplessness.

    Should the offender be someone emotionally important to you or someone you are dependent upon – a lover or family member, for example – or even someone highly respected, such as a community leader, the thought that that person is depraved can be so devastating that you find it easier to blame yourself than the offender. Consider, for instance, a battered wife living with an irrationally violent man. As devastating as self-blame is, she feels pressured to cling to the hope that the violence is her fault because she knows she can only control her own behavior, not that of her husband. Blaming herself creates painful self-loathing, but she unconsciously sees the unlikely possibility that it is her fault her as her only hope – the one possibility that if true would allow her some control over her terrifying predicament of living in constant danger. Likewise, children desperately need the security of knowing that their parents are good, trustworthy people who will protect, comfort and nurture them. This need can be so intense that they will choose to believe they were at fault rather than face the terrifying reality that they are exposed to continual danger that is utterly beyond their control.

    A common factor triggering self-blame in victims of sex offenses is that the human body is designed to send pleasure signals to the brain in response to sexual stimulus. This is an unavoidable physiological fact and has nothing to do with morality or with secretly wanting or approving of the offense. For more on this cause of self-hatred see The Dilemma of Feeling Pleasure When Abused.

    If you were a child when the unfortunate event occurred, additional forces come into play, although they still influence us even as adults. Children are programmed (and perhaps even have an inbuilt tendency) to respect and believe adults. Often their very survival – as well as their rapid development – hinges on it. In what only adults can recognize as a life-or-death situation, it is essential for children to obey immediately. Little children can learn and mature at the needed rate only by unquestioning acceptance of what adults tell them. So when adults (or older children) seduce or con children they not only lack the maturity and intellectual ability to see through the lie, they have a strong, natural urge to trust and obey. As we get older we can look back with self-hatred because we expect that we should have acted with maturity that children simply do not have.

I hate myself

Further Reasons for Self-Hatred

Another possible reason for hating yourself is being unable to forgive yourself for a genuinely grievous sin you committed. For help with this, see Forgiving Yourself and keep following the main link toward the bottom of each page. You’ll also find much comfort in this webpage: When a Christian Commits Gross Sin.

If you feel that God has rejected you, see Feeling Rejected by God: Has God Really forsaken You?

If you hate yourself because you keep falling into sin, Life’s Mysteries Explained provides deep encouragement and an explanation of why God lets us battle temptation rather than simply causing sin to have no attraction to us.

If you despise yourself for doing something not sinful but idiotic, see The shame of it all! When one’s own stupidity or inadequacy cuts like a knife and Comfort & Help for those Devastating Times When you Feel Like an Idiot.

If you feel useless, see To God You are Special: With God No One is Useless and Handling Rejection: A helpful look at life’s devastating blows. If illness or disability is a factor in feeling useless, see also From Misery to Ministry: The Role of Sickness in Your Life.

If you feel life has passed you by, Too Old? You’re Joking! should inspire you.

If you hate yourself because of your physical appearance, see Feel Ugly? Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) Help for a testimony and helpful tips.

Feel down on yourself because you not achieving anything for God? Lift your spirits by reading Waiting For Your Ministry: The Quest For fulfillment and the pages it leads to.

For help in coping with depression and hard times, see When Things Get Tough. Follow the main link at the end of each page.

If hating yourself causes you to engage in self harm such as cutting yourself or an eating disorder, see A Cure for Self Abuse.

If you are contemplating suicide, see When is Suicide / Euthanasia Morally Acceptable For Christians?

If you have suffered sexual abuse, it can have a more devastating effect than you realize on how you feel about yourself. For more on this, explore Comfort, Understanding and Healing for Abuse Survivors.

If people despise you or life has treated you unfairly, see God Isn’t Fair?

For a major webpage specifically focusing on self-hate, see Cure for self-hate, inferiority complex or low self-esteem. Christian help if you hate yourself.

For help with changing your self-image, see:

For insight into how Christians sabotage their health/healing and how this can be corrected, see You Can be Happy & Resist Sickness.

For still more help: Hurting? Help, Answers, Support, Hope

hating yourself

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Help for everyone who asks such questions as:

Why do I hate myself?

Why do I hurt myself?

Should I loathe myself?

Is suicide an option?

How do I stop hating myself?

Can self-hatred be cured?


Christian help for low self-esteem