From where can I retrieve the words and insight to apply that healing balm to hearts sick with grief? The Bible inspires me to seek help from the ranks of Christ’s elite – those who know both God and the grief of losing a baby. Scripture implies that Christians seasoned by heartache are the heroes most likely to be entrusted with the divine grace to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

In the next life are mysteries that the Bible says little about. Later in this webpage I will carefully plumb Scripture’s depths for pearls of hope, but for the moment, let’s peek at what comfort God has given grieving Christian parents. Many have received personal suggestions from God that their offspring taken in infancy, or earlier, are with him.

The Bible alone is our final authority and yet the Bible itself makes a remarkable promise about additional confirmation from God. It is a fundamental belief among Christians of all persuasions that since the birth of the church on the Day of Pentecost, we have been in the age of the Spirit, the era in which the atoning work of Christ’s powerful sacrifice, resurrection and ascension has been sealed by the outpouring of the Spirit of God upon “all flesh.” God proclaimed, and Scripture confirms, that the era in which we now live, ushered in by the coming of the Spirit, is one characterized by ordinary Christians personally receiving divine insight through dreams and visions (Joel 2:28-29; Acts 2:17). Lest this opens the floodgates to anything unscriptural, we are rightfully extremely cautious, but to be too wary is itself unscriptural.

A friend of mine used to be sure that God never communicates except in writing – from between the covers of the Bible. Now he is sure he has seen his babies in heaven. Here’s what he says about his former doubts and present caution:

Sometimes my wife would say that the Lord had spoken to her. I used to reply that God does not and cannot speak to anyone except by his Word. Visions, dreams, voices, impressions and such are most likely from the enemy, I would declare.

Once, when I was about to touch something, I felt the Lord telling me not to. Investigation revealed that hidden inside was a black widow spider. That shook my theory. Slowly I moved from emphatic denial, to being exceptionally cautious about indications that God might be speaking, interspersed by times of blatant skepticism.

If ever I have heard from God it has always come with Scripture to back it up, just to assure me that it is God who is really speaking to me. Whenever I hear his voice and or see a vision or dream, I always ask, “Who is Jesus Christ?” The response has always been, “Jesus Christ is Lord.”

I always question where the divine encounter is taking me. Is it leading me to a deeper relationship with the one true God? Is it leading me to live more holy and pure? Does it line up with God’s Word, and has it come with God’s Word? Then I check myself to ensure that my desire is not to chase after exotic experiences but to run after the living God and have a closer relationship with him.

Sometimes the Lord has graciously provided powerful confirmation that I am truly hearing from him. For example, when I was recently seeking to encourage a distressed friend, the Lord gave me a vision about her. To her amazed joy, what I saw was identical to a vision about herself that she had received more than twenty years ago. Not surprisingly, she was profoundly encouraged.

Now let’s see what God has shown my friend that is of special relevance to this webpage. People call him childless. He knows differently. Let’s hear his story:

I have babies in heaven. My wife suffered two miscarriages and Father God graciously showed them to me, on two occasions. They are so cute. They looked about two years old. Their eyes were bright and full of life. I could see the joy on their faces. Once I saw them sitting on Father’s lap. The other time they were in the Throne Room. The experience was as real as greeting someone at the door. At times when I recall their faces I weep tears of love and joy.

I grieve the loss, but I know that they will never have fear or pain. Not subject to the faults and frailties of human parenting, they thrive in the love of the Perfect Father. He cares for them and holds them. They will never know earth’s peculiarities, but neither will they know the pain of isolation and loneliness. Instead, they experience things far beyond our imagination in a place continually filled with joy and music.

My arms long to hold these babies. My heart longs for them. As King David said of his baby who died, they cannot come to me but I shall go to them (2 Samuel 12:23).

Before sharing more of my friend’s beautiful words, I offer encouragement to those who fear their sin might have disqualified them or their baby from divine compassion. The baby David said he would go to, was born of a shamefully adulterous affair and died because of the judgment of God. Moreover, of all David’s sons, many of whom were older, the one chosen by God to succeed David as king was Solomon. After the death of the baby born to adultery, “David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The LORD loved him . . .” (2 Samuel 12:24). Solomon, divinely chosen above all his brothers to be king and ancestor of the Messiah (Matthew 1:6), was born to the woman David should never have married; the woman with whom he had committed adultery and whose husband he had murdered to cover his disgraceful act.

My friend also lost another baby, as a result of an ungodly relationship when he was young. His partner aborted his child and did not tell him until years later. Encouraged by David’s attitude to the death of his baby conceived in adultery, my friend believes that this baby, too, is in heaven. He also takes comfort concerning his aborted baby from Scriptures expounded elsewhere in this webpage.

Later in this webpage we will mention someone else’s vision of children in heaven who arrived there through abortion. However, let me right now calm the fears, both of those racked with guilt over past involvement in abortion and those concerned that teaching that aborted babies go to heaven encourages abortion. If aborted babies have a pleasant eternity, it no more makes abortion right than a Christian’s eternal destiny makes murdering a Christian right. In fact, it means that aborted fetuses are not mere tissue but have eternal souls and infinite value. Nevertheless, the compassionate Lord died to forgive all who fuse themselves to him, entrusting their entire lives and destinies into his care. The forgiving, cleansing, life-transforming power of the crucified Lord embraces those sorrowing involvement in abortion. His body was broken to mend their broken hearts. He bore our griefs and sorrows, suffering in our stead, bearing what our sins deserve, to turn our mourning into dancing.

Safe in the Father’s Arms

Far away from fear and death
Do my children play;
Never to know the sting of sin
On their spotless soul;
Never to know a single tear
Nor stab of searing pain.

In the Father’s arms are they,
His face do they behold.
In arms of tender comfort
They rest in loving cheer;
Salty taste of tears
Never to crease their face;
Not burnt by scorching sun
Nor chilled by thunderous storms.
Untouched by earthly shadows
And haunting pangs of night,
They giggle in golden warmth
And snuggle in contented glee.

Lifted higher than dreams can go,
They soar above
The failings of earth
And thrive in the love
Of the Father
Whose tender grace sparkles
And wondrous ways smile
With endless delight.

Yet my arms feel empty.
With painful chest
I long to hold them
To my breast;
To see their smiling faces
And ease my painful fears.
Yet this I know:
They are safe
In the Master’s care.
And I shall see them face to face
And hold them when I’m there.

They’ve breezed their way to Paradise.
How smooth their getting there;
So free from blame and shame.
More pain than them I’ve known,
Yet our destiny’s the same.
Their journey there was easy;
Long and hard is mine.
But whether quick or long,
We will meet again.

Till then, my loves, rest easy.
Behold his face and rejoice
Without a single fear.
I shall come to you some day
And you shall dry my tears,
As I weep in joy
To see your cheery face.
And even now at times
I think I hear your giggles,
But rest, my loves, in his arms,
Till I am with you there.

(For one way this poem has been used, see A Place for Reflection for those Grieving Miscarriage

“Blessed are those who mourn” (Matthew 5:4)

Writes Helen Hall, a mother of six living children:

I suffered two miscarriages between the birth of my first living child and my second living child (a span of twenty-five months). That second miscarriage allowed the birth of my next living child. Had I still been pregnant, I could never have conceived the child I have and love today. Moreover, I was so inexperienced with babies that I would have felt overwhelmed at having babies so close together.

So I confess that part of me felt a sense of relief that neither of those pregnancies proceeded, but on the other hand, my husband’s attitude upset me. He never let me grieve. At my every attempt to cry in his arms he would tell me, “You should be grateful, not sad. Nature obviously realized she made a mistake and so she scrapped this one. We can have another go later.”

In an attempt to lessen one’s grief, it is tempting to fall into a callousness that is dishonoring both to the baby and to our own humanity. It can leave us scarred instead of healed.

Many of us do not realize that grieving is as thoroughly biblical and essential for wholeness as is praise and rejoicing. A biblical understanding of the role of grieving is so important for the healing and Christlikeness of everyone facing sorrow that I have devoted a short webpage to this subject. You’ll find a link to it as you keep reading.

A Further Hindrance to Healing from Grief

People assume that miscarriage is easy to get over. One nurse actually said to me, “It’s okay, you can just try again.”

My husband did not even acknowledge their existence to me. I believe he was just glad that “the problem” had been solved and that they could not interfere with his plans.

My own feelings were of total guilt, since both of my children would have been born out of wedlock. Though they were completely unplanned, I would not have considered doing anything but carrying them both to term.

Every day I live with that guilt and the what ifs. I live also with the knowledge that for the few months they lived inside me they were loved by God and by me and that I trust their lives are in his eternal care.

How tragic that for twenty-five years guilt has been haunting Tracey.

Guilt is clearly a significant factor in hindering healing from loss. Besides guilt over the conception, possible sources of guilt include having initially felt relief over the pregnancy not continuing, or fearing that one’s actions after conception might have contributed to the loss of the baby.

A link later in this webpage will help with guilt issues.

Amazingly, Tracey read an early version of this webpage and was herself profoundly helped. Afterwards, she wrote to me:

I was seeking to help other people, not myself, but I cannot even to begin to thank you for your webpages. I thank God for the effect they had on my life.

I was taken aback by you calling my guilt “tragic.” I thought to myself, I’m not a tragic person. I’m a happy person. I have very much to be happy about – a wonderful Christian daughter, a job I like, a home, a faith. Nevertheless, you wrote the truth: I have been haunted by guilt for twenty five years, and it is indeed tragic. What a waste of my life and my Savior’s love! So I was determined to do something about it. I read the link you provided about overcoming guilt, and I was so touched that I cried for the first time in a great many years.

Thank you. I’ve finally found peace.

Bible Insights into Where Babies go When They Die

Although it is true that babies are conceived tainted with original sin (Job 14:4; 15:14-16; Psalm 51:5; Proverbs 22:15; Romans 5:12) – and it is because of this that all of us suffer physical death – it is also true that Scripture recognizes that little children have a degree of innocence that distinguishes them from those of us who live longer (Scriptures).

Despite the Bible’s teaching on original sin, it also says:

Ezekiel 18:20 The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him. (Related Scriptures)

Other Scriptures speak of us being judged according to our own misdeeds (Scriptures). And still others speak of being judged according to the light one has been given (Scriptures). Obviously, the very young would breeze through this judgment.

It is a divine principle that to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48; John 15:22). Again, the very young do superbly by this spiritual measure. The contaminating effect of original sin is real but Christ died to undo that curse and to save not only those able to put their faith in him, but equally to save some who died too early to specifically believe in him. Let’s see what makes this a scriptural certainty.

We know by biblical revelation that salvation is through no one but Jesus (Acts 4:12) and no one can come to God except through him (John 14:6). We also know that the spiritual power of Jesus’ sacrifice is so mind-boggling that it reaches both forward and backward in time (Hebrews 9:25-27; Revelation 13:8) and extends beyond those able to consciously place their faith in him. The crowning proof of this biblical truth is that Old Testament saints will be in heaven (Luke 13:28; Hebrews 11:5) despite never specifically placing their faith in Jesus, nor knowing the details of his atonement. Does the atoning power of the cross likewise extend to those too young to consciously reject Christ or put their faith in him? Was Jesus hinting at this when he said of little children that “the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:14 and the other synoptic gospels)?

Jesus uttered the words just quoted when the disciples had tried to prevent mothers and fathers from bringing their little children to Jesus for a blessing. In the original Greek, Luke 18:19 specifically states that those brought to Jesus were babies and Mark 10:16 also indicates how small they were by saying “he took the children in his arms.” In commenting on this incident, John Calvin said that when infants who were too young to desire Jesus’ blessing were presented to Jesus, he tenderly received them and dedicated them to the Father “by a solemn act of blessing”. Calvin concluded, “It would be too cruel to exclude that age from the grace of redemption. It is an irreligious audacity to drive from Christ’s fold those whom He held in His bosom and to shut the door on them as strangers when He did not wish to forbid them” (Source).

It would be nice to make much of Jesus saying little children have angels (Matthew 18:10). Whilst this is quite possibly true from the moment of conception, in this particular instance Jesus seems to be speaking of those old enough to have at least rudimentary faith – “ . . . these little ones who believe in me . . .” (Matthew 18:6).

In his famous Systematic Theology, Angus H. Strong concludes that since Christ “died for all” (2 Corinthians 5:14,15 – see also Hebrews 2:9; 1 John 2:2), no one is exempt, no matter how young. And since salvation is appropriated by faith in those old enough to do so, there must be some other way in which the saving power of Christ’s death is transferred to those too young to have personal faith.

This is consistent with another line of evidence: the Holy Lord relates intimately with babies:

Psalm 22:10 . . . from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

Psalms 71:6 From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. . . .

Isaiah 46:3 Listen to me, O house of Jacob, . .  you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth.

God’s covenant with the Israelites was ratified by circumcision, which usually focused not on those old enough to believe or commit themselves to God, but on eight day old babies (Genesis 17:10-14; Leviticus 12:3).

If the Old Testament speaks of tiny babies having a special relationship with God, we find something even more startling in the New Testament. Of John the Baptist we read:

Luke 1:15 . . . he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth.

Luke 1:41,44 When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. . . . As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.

Yes, John had a spiritual call on his life, but he was still human. For most of us, God is embarrassingly bigger than our theology. How could the Holy Spirit of God remain in someone not cleansed from the stain of original sin? For baby John to be Spirit-filled while still in the womb, God must have some way of counteracting the effect of original sin in those too young for saving faith. Let’s not forget that all salvation is underserved and by grace.

Babies Conceived by Christians

1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy

This seems to mean there is something spiritually special about children who have at least one parent who is in union with Christ. (Some theologians see this as an aspect of the Romans 11:16 principle: “if the root is holy, so are the branches,” or as Matthew 7:18 puts it, “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit.”) Since it is spiritually essential for everyone who has reached the age of accountability to make his or her own decision to follow Christ, the holiness that passes from a Christian to his or her offspring would seem to apply to children of such tender age as to be too young to decide for themselves.

Nevertheless, from what we saw earlier, there is still hope for the offspring of non-Christians. If it were possible for any babies to be defiled in the sight of God, it would be those born to pagans who dedicated their babies as the supreme act of worship to a god that repulses the one, true God. However, the Lord calls such babies, sacrificed to demons (1 Corinthians 10:20) “innocent.”

Psalms 106:38 They shed innocent blood, the blood of their sons and daughters, whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan . . .

Divine Purpose

Psalm 139:13-16 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  . . . My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

From that last powerful sentence, Luis Palau draws the wonderful thought that since the loving Lord of the impossible knows precisely how long each person will live, “every life is a complete life” (Source). There is such beauty in that thought that it is hard to let it go, and yet we are rightly repulsed by the thought that the sickening grief felt by parents is caused by the God of compassion.

We must never lose sight of the fact that death is by no means the divine ideal. We would know no death, had all of humanity adhered to God’s perfect will.

Just as sin breaks God’s heart, so does death, the tragic consequence of sin. The good die “young”. No matter how old they are when they die, we always seem robbed of them too soon. Even when physical death is but the beginning of a perfect eternity, the temporary tearing of human connections – that can hurt us more than physically being torn in two – pains God as much as it pains those left behind. Yet despite it all, we serve a God so powerful and loving as to be able to reverse the evil chain of events set off by anti-God behavior. Can the God of Romans 8:28 transform chaos and tragedy and into purpose and beauty?

Until relatively recently in human history (and it still is in many part of the world) infant mortality has been heart-breakingly high. Even in the U.S. today, up to twenty percent of pregnant women miscarry each year. As wonderful as God is, can he really turn this tragedy into purpose and beauty?

Events on planet Earth move God, but the eternal Lord of the galaxies has much higher dreams for humanity than what happens in the fragment of time that we call human history. The divine plan is to populate heaven. What heaven’s citizens will then do – rule galaxies, or whatever – we don’t know, except that it will be glorious.

We immediately think of two classes of beings in heaven: angels and humans. Angels have no parentage but God, and they are denied the privilege of joining God in creating life through procreation. In addition to angels, however, it seems that God has an eternal purpose for two classes of humans: those who, like angels, have known no personal sin and little or no consciousness of living in a world stained by sin, and those who through Christ have suffered and overcome the consequences of sin. Rather than create more angels who have had no experience of sin, he has given humans the privilege of conceiving these people.

Paradise, not this place of shadows and pain, is home. Those of us still on earth are in a war zone; fighting on foreign soil. What soldier feels sorry for those who go home early?

As a child, I used to watch Mr. Squiggle on TV. He was a puppet with a huge pencil for a nose. Children would send him ugly, meaningless lines they had drawn. Mr. Squiggle, always up to the challenge, would ingeniously add more lines, transforming the original chaotic, useless squiggles into a clever drawing. God is like that. When presented with the challenge of what looks like a twisted or tragically shortened life, he goes to work, transforming it into an exquisite work of art that will leave us gasping in awe for all eternity. On our side of death we see little more than the chaos, but people of faith will one day have the privilege of gazing upon the completed masterpiece.

Moving Experiences with God

In 2001 I attended a Christian conference. We arrived just in time for the evening meeting. The next morning the host pastor asked if anyone had a testimony from the previous evening. A young mother waved her hand from the back of building, and was invited to the platform to share.

She told how during the worship in the previous meeting she apologized to the Lord for not being able to give him her undivided attention because she had to watch her two small children (apparently the nursery was full). Jesus told her not to worry; he would watch them, The two little children immediately walked over to a nearby corner and started playing quietly by themselves. So the mother turned her full attention to God in worship, and had a vision.

She saw multitudes of children of all ages playing on a beautiful grassy hill on a comfortable sunny day. They were leaping and dancing in worship with the Lord. Then Jesus appeared at her side and asked her if she knew who these children were. She didn’t know, so he said, “These are children who have died. They are here with me, and do this all day long. So please go tell their parents that they are here with me, and do this all day long!”

A wail arose in the gathering of about a thousand people. So the host pastor said, “If this touches your life, please stand and let the people around you pray for you.” The man right in front of me was among those who stood up. We who were sitting close to him prayed for him. After several minutes a great grin broke out on his face, and he declared, “I am free of my sorrow for the first time in thirty years!” I talked with him later, and learnt that he was a pastor. He said he felt that his healing from sorrow would revolutionize his congregation.

While she worked in her kitchen, Pastor Chris Pringle played a video in which a preacher said that in the 1980s he was granted a heavenly vision. Having always thought of heaven as a place just for adults, he was taken aback to see children there. The Lord told him that some of the children being raised in heaven were unwanted babies who had been aborted and rescued by God. Others in angelic care had been miscarried and were looking forward to meeting their mothers.

How credible you find that I will leave to your judgment, but Chris’s mind flashed back twenty-seven years to the awful time of her miscarriage. She had happily told everyone she was pregnant. Then came the crushing tragedy, followed by all the guilt and pain. Should she have prayed harder? Should she have done something differently? She recalled the tongue-tied people whose well-meaning but off the mark attempts to console her were as comforting as a sword in the heart. And then there were the devastating questions about the progress of her pregnancy from people who hadn’t yet heard of her miscarriage.

Tears flowed freely. She had not thought of her miscarriage for ages. Assuming it was a boy, they would have named him Jesse had he been born. Her painful recollections were suddenly interrupted. Chris saw in a vision a tall, fair-haired man laughing freely as he walked. As she wondered about who he could be, the Holy Spirit spoke into her heart, saying, “It’s Jesse!” She was particularly surprised because, despite the passage of time, Chris had always thought of him as a baby.

Chris recalled how her husband had felt sure the Lord had told him that their first child would be a boy, and how mystified they were when she gave birth to a daughter, the child conceived after the miscarriage. Now she knew that her first child was indeed a son, and was now a vibrant young man. Her heart filled with joyous warmth. The powerful experience changed Chris and her husband, and their children are now looking forward to one day meeting their brother in heaven. It was as though, after all these years, the revelation made their family complete. Their eldest daughter had always secretly wished for an older brother.

In Chris’s words:

He is no longer a lost baby but a real living member of a family, found in heaven. . . . He has been raised and educated in the courts of heaven . . . tutored by angels, saints and, I am sure, has walked and talked with Jesus. Now that’s an education! (Source)

Chris has used her experience to bring comfort to large numbers of people. This is probably why it was given to her. I remind readers that is rare for God to grant such an experience and that trying to contact the dead by mediums, séances, or any other occult means is offensive to God.

An adult friend of mine spent considerable time as a child in heaven. It was God’s way of helping her heal from severe trauma. You can say what you like about her experience, but she does not lie and few of us would be envious of her heavenly experiences if, in order to have them, we had to suffer as she has. She calls heaven a place of laughter and felt so loved of God there that she is convinced that not only do children have a special place in God’s heart, there is something about them that he delights in more than adults. She found that angels were charged with looking after heaven’s children but they lost all control whenever Jesus arrived. The children would go wild with delight, playing with him and enjoying his presence.

In a video clip, worship artist, Terry MacAlmon, tells of a vision he once had of heaven. After describing the arena, the choir, the people, and the instruments, he says:

I looked over to the right part of this arena. I saw thousands and thousands – even millions if you can imagine – of little children with white robes. They were dancing.

Someone leaned over to me and said, “Those are all the aborted babies of the earth giving praise to their Rescuer – dancing for joy to their Rescuer!” (Source)

Todd Burpo, a pastor, devotes a book titled Heaven Is for Real: A Little Boy’s Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back to the experience of his four-year old son, Colton who, during emergency surgery, went to heaven. One of the many features of Colton’s experience that has confounded skeptics is that he spoke of meeting his sister. No-one had told Colton prior to this experience that he had a miscarried sister.

Of course, to be able to hold your baby in heaven hinges not only on the eternal destiny of babies but on you yourself being accepted into heaven when you die. Since you have reached the age of accountability, this might not be nearly as certain as you suppose. For more on this, life’s most critical issue, see You Can Find Love.

Do you know someone who might be blessed by this webpage? Why not email them the web address?

If you would like to share your own experience related to this topic, I would be delighted to hear from you. You can e-mail me, Grantley, at baby@net-burst.net

For emotional and spiritual recovery from abortion, see Abortion Help

The webpage mentioned above about the biblical, emotionally healthy way to cope with sorrow, is Real Christians Grieve.

If guilt issues are hindering your healing from your loss, read Forgiving Yourself and keep following the first link at the end of each article.

For further comfort with your grief, read Basking In Infinite Love and then keep following the first link at the end of each article.

For help in wrestling with why we live in a world where tragedies occur: God and Suffering.

For another mother’s vision, see “I Saw My Babies in Heaven.”

A Christian site not part of net-burst.net that I think you’ll find helpful is www.babygrief.com