I am weeping from anger and grief about what has been stolen from me. I will no longer tolerate the loss of dreams, beauty, and art.

I shall be God’s artist; his hands of grace to speak to a world whose pictures are dark, yet can be restored.

I shall arise and be what I have been created to be, and do what I was created to do. With my Abba Father I shall arise and go to the thief, demanding what is rightfully mine; not only what was stolen, but also the years that were lost. Sevenfold shall this thief pay (Proverbs 6:3). He shall not escape my Father’s fury, nor mine.

I am no longer faceless, voiceless, or useless. No longer shall my sword arm lay useless and withered, for the Almighty has touched it and given me strength.

Don’t cry for my scars, for they are dear to me. They tell the stories of battles fought and won. They no longer speak of a victim. No longer do they speak of a plaything of the enemy who steals and destroys. They speak of a child of the King who gives life, and gives it abundantly.

If I need to weep in this battle, that is okay. At times, grief brings strength. For it is a time of letting go of the weakness, and embracing divine strength, as my sword is laid at his feet and then taken up for the King.

The other day, painting was a time of the deepest joy I have ever known. It seemed I was as I was meant to be. Father God was with me, and I delighted in the joy of his presence as I painted for him. The joy that filled me was overwhelming, soft, pure, true, and wonderful. I was with my heavenly Daddy as he delighted in me.

I am weeping for joy and sorrow over the moment; sorrow for what was lost, and joy for what is being restored. He is the One who redeems, and he shall redeem the years that the devourer has eaten away. I am redeemed, and I am God’s! I’m no longer a victim, but a prince; a son of the highest King.

I remember Father God telling me to draw, and that he would bring healing to me through it, yet the fear and anxiety used to be so strong that it got in the way. Regardless of whether the world will see me as a great artist, I know that is how God sees me, and that makes my heart sing.

I am aware that I still have further to go in my healing, and that the anxiety and fear might sometimes be hard to push through, but I pray that he will help me be disciplined in it, no matter what it costs and that the root of those feelings will be pulled out completely.

I also must not let perfectionism rule me, but I will let myself have fun with my art, and enjoy the process and the completeness that Father will bring to me.

His promises are being fulfilled in me. The destroyers shall depart, and the builders shall build. Father God has let me play a part in this building process that he is doing in my heart as he builds his temple in me. It must be done his way, as I am unskilled, and he knows all. He is the Architect, the Designer; my Daddy who knows everything. I trust him for I don’t really know what the best building materials are, nor do I know the most fragrant flowers that delight the eyes, but he knows.

I am like a child in a garden saying, “Daddy, look what I did!” with great excitement, wanting just to hear his voice. I look with wide-eyed, childlike wonder, not really seeing that most of the watering, planting, weeding, and pest control is done by my Daddy in the garden that he lets me call mine.

I hear his loving voice saying, “Wow! Oooo! Ahhh! You did wonderfully!” Then he says to the angels, “Look, my son has done this!” Love, pride, and joy that I am his fills his heart. As I become more trustworthy, he entrusts more of this garden to me, because my trust is being built in him. And with that trust, I will push through any fear that could keep me from reclaiming everything stolen from me during my past abuse.

The Abuse Survivor’s Ultimate Revenge Reclaiming your sexuality

Afraid? Help and Inspiration When Gripped by Fear

There’s Hope! A Sane Guide to Finding Hope When There is No Hope

Extreme Grace More of Jake’s Testimony

The Hidden Reason for our Doubts More about Resisting Restrictions

The above is just part of a series of free webpages devoted to the full recovery of survivors of all forms of sexual interference. It is essential that you read Comfort, Understanding and Healing for Abuse Survivors for an overview and links to the other critically important pages.

Not to be sold. © Copyright 2008, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net  Freely you have received, freely give.
For use outside these limits, consult the author.