(An operation known in medical circles as hymenoplasty
or hymenorrhaphy or the surgical renewal of the hymenal ring)
Help for every woman considering surgery to restore lost virginity
Then there are the many women who have lost their virginity through the horror of rape, the trauma of which continues to haunt them. A link at the end of this webpage will help bring comfort and healing to women reeling in the pain this crime against them has caused. For them, the thought of hymen surgery in one sense offers hope but it is also particularly distressing because it seems yet another violation of their person.
Another tragic source of pressure hounding many women is feelings of guilt and shame and worthlessness.
Until you experience it, what I’m about to say will seem impossible. In terms of self-worth, a pure conscience and joyous freedom from guilt, your innocence can be restored without resorting to surgery or self-deceit. The goal of these webpages is to make this a reality in your life. Additionally, no matter how unbelievable it may seem, it is simply not true that no one would want you if they knew the full truth about your past.
Should you hope to use surgery to trick your future husband, it is worth pondering some dangers you might not have fully considered. Some of the hazards might seem trivial relative to the fear that hounds you to consider the medical option, but blind fear is particularly dangerous. Awareness of the following will at least help you proceed with your eyes open.
By hiding the truth from your future husband you would be sentencing yourself to skulking through life never feeling loved by your husband. You would always fear that he despises the real you – the person whose hymen broke before marriage. The great tragedy is that women taking this fear-driven plunge to lifelong heartache are unaware that usually their misery is unnecessary.
|The greatest delight and firmest foundation of marriage is total openness, trust and acceptance. By going through with this deceit you would be turning your back on this joyous freedom and security. You are convinced you have no option, but is fear blinding you to alternatives?
As well as denying yourself much fulfillment, you could be denying your husband-to-be the opportunity to prove how much he loves you. You might be insulting him by thinking he does not love you as much as he really does. At the very least you need to stop guessing and find out exactly his attitude to marrying someone who does not have the physical signs virginity. Plan a way to drop a question or two into casual conversation that will allow you to know his real thoughts on this matter. For your security, take care to word it so that he does not guess your real reason for asking.
Later in life, you may find yourself yearning to unburden yourself, and enjoy your husband’s full acceptance, by confessing your past. You will then discover to your distress that you have made it doubly hard for both yourself and for him if you deceived him earlier. You would be creating a second offense needing to be confessed and forgiven – not just the loss of virginity but the cold, calculating deceit. Many men would feel more hurt by the deceit than by the original loss of virginity.
If your husband-to-be really is the harsh, unforgiving man you fear he is, you would be better off without him. It would be tragic to fall for the lie that no one would want you if they knew your past. Any man who understands Jesus’ forgiveness would forgive you.
|Morally, two wrongs don’t make a right. The second wrong merely magnifies the guilt of the first.
Spiritually, God’s forgiveness is founded on our willingness to admit our sin and not cover up. People who hide their sin will not prosper but those who admit their sin and leave it behind, receive God’s mercy, says the Bible (Proverbs 28:13).
Throughout his earthly life Jesus always approved of and defended those who admitted and regretted their sin, and he always opposed those who pretended to be more righteous than they really were.
The following very moving quotations are taken straight from the historical documents recording Jesus’ life and teaching.
Luke7:37 When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, (38) and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. (39) When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is – that she is a sinner.” (40) Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. (41) “Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. (42) Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” (43) Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. (44) Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. (45) You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. (46) You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. (47) Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven – for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” (48) Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” (49) The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” (50) Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
John 8:3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group (4) and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. (5) In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” (6) They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. (7) When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” (8) Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. (9) At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. (10) Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” (11) “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Luke 15:1 Now the tax collectors and “sinners” were all gathering around to hear him. (2) But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” (3) Then Jesus told them this parable: (4) “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? (5) And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders (6) and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ (7) I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. (8) “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? (9) And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ (10) In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Luke 18:10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. (11) The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men – robbers, evildoers, adulterers – or even like this tax collector. (12) I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ (13) “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ (14) “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Matthew 9:10 While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. (11) When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?” (12) On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. (13) But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Luke 19:5 When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” (6) So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. (7) All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a ‘sinner.’” (8) But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” (9) Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. (10) For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”
Not only is Jesus immensely compassionate and understanding, he feels your pain so deeply that he has gone to extraordinary lengths, even supernatural lengths, to ensure that you need never be tormented by a guilty conscience, nor suffer the eternal consequences of your past. For insight into this astounding truth, see Lost Virginity Can Be Restored.
Not to be sold. © Copyright 2001, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged; if used in a webpage, the new page is significantly different from this one. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give.
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