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Ironically, I was battling depression most of the time that I was writing Becoming a Winner. The thought kept coming that my life isnít worth living. Obviously, the Evil One must be behind this, but I was silly enough to believe his persuasive lies. The depression proved surprisingly resistant to all my attempts to break free, including prayer, praise and rebuking Satan.
It took weeks before I finally realized I had to counter-attack by refusing to believe the lies coming into my mind.
Simple logic affirms that if a loving, good God created me in his image, he must have been motivated by a longing to share his joys with me. Isnít that the very nature of love? (And one would think Godís joys must be rather special!) Clearly, there could be nothing cold or sinister in his motives. He must have given me life so that he can shower me with his love and blessings. Scripture reveals with brutal frankness that life can be unpleasant at times (just read the book of Job). But since a good, loving God has the final say, life, when viewed in its entirety, must be worth living, no matter how hard that might be to believe when you can see only a fragment of it.
So when Iím not depressed I now prepare myself for battle by thanking and praising God for the life he has given me, and for the unimaginable joys he must have stored up for me. And whenever the temptation to depression returns, I have plenty of ammunition to fight the deception, such as remembering Job in the Bible, who wished he had never been born, only because in the midst of his trial he had no idea of the great blessings God was preparing for him.
This sounds ridiculously simple, and yet this has turned my life around. I might not always feel on top of the world. Iím often not responsible for my feelings, but I am responsible for my beliefs. If I choose to believe the right things, despite what I presently see and feel, most of the time my feelings will eventually catch up. What really matters, however, is not elusive feelings, but what I believe, because in the long term, it is the beliefs I cling to when everything seems to say the opposite, that ends up affecting both my actions and my relationship with my wonderful Lord.
It is not always easy believing God loves me. I donít even love me most of the time, and I would have thought Iíd be more willing to make allowances for imperfections and stupidity than would a flawless God. (Note.) Itís not easy believing in a heaven I have never seen. Itís not easy trying to imagine joys that could possibly compensate for all I am presently going through. But faith is all God asks of me. John was right. Faith is the victory (1 John 5:4).
(Psalm 42:5; repeated in Psalms 42:11; 43;5)
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