Twice I said,
ďI blaspheme the Holy SpiritĒ

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    I was raised in a very strict, fundamentalist home. Though I loved the Bible (and still do), I was punished till I bled for sins, starved for a week because I couldnít eat beef stew, and lived a life of fear and unhappiness. I even remember hearing my mom scream for Satan to possess her during a fit of her madness.

    During this time, I read about the unforgivable sin and twice said out loud, ďI blaspheme the Holy SpiritĒ and ďI disavow the Holy Spirit.Ē I instantly regretted it. Iím not sure why I uttered those words.

    When I turned 18, I joined the military. I fell far away from God, into swearing, porn and occult role-playing games; I always played as a ďHoly KnightĒ because thatís what I wanted to be, but never thought I could be.

    After college, I felt guilty about what I had done. I drew myself back to God, quit my filthy habits and married a good, solid Christian woman. I wanted to get back into the Word, so I started reading the gospels.

    I came across the unforgiven sin verse, remembered those fateful words I had uttered years before, and felt damned. For weeks I felt horrible. ďWhy bother? Iím damned, thereís nothing I can do. Just die already!Ē I told myself. Even now, I donít like to think about how I felt during that time, because it hurts so much.

    Then it hit me: Jesus is love and peace: Satan is rebellion, madness, despair and hate.

    For two weeks, I researched the unpardonable sin to the point of obsession. Everything I found on the subject said essentially the same thing: if you feel guilty about something you said, then you havenít committed the unforgivable sin because God is calling you to repentance.

    I canít believe my arrogance. I was deeply worried that I was right in believing that I had committed the unforgivable sin and that each and every Christian scholar I read, from Jesus, to Peter, to Saint Augustine, to Martin Luther, to the Reverends Billy Graham and Pat Robertson were wrong about this. It was a madness that almost consumed me.

    I feared there was nothing I could do to change things. And itís true: all my works, my knowledge, and even my ďreformĒ are as filthy rags. I canít save myself. Only Christ can. All I can do is repent and accept forgiveness.

    I wonít repeat all the wonderful scriptures written elsewhere on this website, but what it says is true. As Jesus said, so long as you speak against the Holy Spiritís witness that Jesus is from God, you will not be forgiven, neither in this life nor the next. While you are doing this, you are shutting out the only way God can reach your soul Ė the Spirit drawing you to Jesus, the one and only Savior of the world.

    What Jesus warned us against was denying the Holy Spiritís witness that Jesus is from God Ė believing that Jesusí miracles were demonically inspired. Donít do this, and if youíre doing it, stop! If you repent of your sins, however, you are responding to the Holy Spiritís calling and Jesus is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven.

    Jesus is not a Pharisee, looking for reasons to damn you. He wants you to repent and accept the gift of salvation Ė not the reward for good deeds Ė the gift that you donít deserve but the one he will give if you just ask for it in his holy name.

    The only unforgivable sin is the one you donít confess.

    If, like me, you fear youíve sinned about the Holy Spirit, pray for Godís forgiveness in Christís name. Go to your pastor and seek guidance if you feel the need, but I know that if you keep stubbornly believing in Christís power to forgive, youíll find God, and peace.

    The Next Step:
    If you need a break from reading, now is a good time. If your spiritual need is genuine, however, it is important that you donít lose this web address and that you return when you can and read more.

    Next Testimony:

    Unpardonable Blasphemy? In church I sang praise to the devil

    To Skip Testimonies: When a Christian Commits Gross Sin

    * * *

    Not to be sold. © Copyright, 2007, Grantley Morris. Not to be copied in whole or in part without citing this entire paragraph. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings by Grantley Morris available free at the following internet site Freely you have received, freely give.

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